Token N.W.A post

It's Future week on ATLanta's Got Talent and here comes the bloke behind Soulja Boy's Zan With That Lean Part 1 with an N.W.A-themed generic but utterly potent strained Auto-Goon™ joint. Kind of an apt arc really since all those Rap & Bullshit jams from Pluto everybody sweated last year were essentially overrated facsimiles of Zan With That Lean Part 2. *ducks*

"I'm a young N*gga Witta Attitude
Chain full of them Ice Cubes
Hunned thousand dollars in a Dickies suit"

Kwony Cash - Y.N.W.A
(From Don't Sleep mixtape; 2013)


Shout outs to all the homies who've witnessed enough strength of street knowledge to notice that N.W.A and Only Fools & Horses both used the Mistral font for their logos. Eazy-E & Dr Dre were the Rap Game Del Boy & Rodney on so many levels.

*EDIT* The Ruthless Records roster as Only Fools & Horses cast members analogue as according to Bradley and me:

Eazy-E = Del Boy
Dr Dre = Rodney
Ice Cube = Boycie
MC Ren = Denzil
DJ Yella = Trigger
Jerry Heller = Grandad
Suge Knight = Uncle Albert
D.O.C = Mike The Barman
Cold 187 Um = Mickey Pearce
Tarrie B = Raquel
Michel'le = Cassandra
Kokane = Tony Angelino
AIDS = The bar Del Boy falls through

Ayo the Beef N Broccoli tumblr

Cool method of word-for-word jacking a post about Foxx's original Wipe Me Down video I made in july, bruv, but if you're gonna gaffle my blurbs about Baton Rogue rappers in future could you at least play switcheroo with the sentence structure a bit so I won't notice when ANU reblogs you?

Props on being the first American Rap blogger to mention Joey Deacon in a post, though.

Late pass: Kitty Pryde calls Das Racist's rape victim a liar

The hombre Jamie just directed me to this and it makes for a handy post-script to both the Das Rapist/Julienne Shepherd debacle and Kitty Pryde/The Wavery-gate. Get a load of the erstwhile Miss Pryde calling the time Das Racist & their manager groped some teenage girl & then raped her after she'd passed out in their hotel room "some kinda miscommunication" and dismisses the allegation as "a girl said a thing on tumblr":



Moral of this missive? Kitty Pryde only cares about rape victims when they're the person employing her and/or if she can get paid to write a Noisey column about them, which makes her the most reprehensible redhead in Rap right now just ahead of Drake's painfully unfunny fat ginger mate.

*EDIT* Someone in the comments posted this frankly jawdropping show of solidarity for the sisterhood from Kitty which she apparently hastily deleted. Julienne Shepherd would be proud:

Just sayin', bruv 8

Sacrilegious opinions about Houston-Rap #1: pardon the pun, but the remix of Yungstar & Lil' Flex's Knockin' Pictures Off Da Wall from the Crooked Profit Vol. 1 compilation knocks the original version outta the box since all the O.G does is sorta answer the question of what would DJ Screw's June 27 sound like if it weren't Screwed & Chopped? Answer: nowhere near as thumpin'.

Yungstar ft. Lil' Flex - Knockin' Pictures (remix)
(From Yungstar & Den-Den's Crooked Profit Vol. 1 compilation; 2002)


The original is a Houston classic which still gets Yungstar shows in Houston to this day, but the vocals sound all outta sync with such uptempo drums and how are they gonna call a song Knockin' Pictures Off Da Wall when it's got about as much low-end as a Minnie Mouse qweef? This remix fixes both of these problems by planting Yungstar & Lil' Flex's vocals over a sample of I Can't Wait by Nu Shooz, making it sound like a late '80s Teddy Riley Rap production repurposed to rattle trunks in Texas. Shit sounds pretty sweet in a 2014 Citroen DS4 driving around oop north too.

I think Atlantic tryna set Joe Mo$e$ up, maybe I'm just Paranoid? #2

Pssst, you didn't read this salacious little rumour here, but a source close to Ty$ tells me the real reason for Joe Mo$e$' removal from the official version of Paranoid was at the behest of Ty$'s fellow Atlantic Records artist T.I who didn't take too kindly to Joe's "see, all my bitches is bad I'm not T.I, ain't no Tiny's around me uh-uh, bitch" line about his beloved missus, and that's why Atlantic have been attempting to erase the original version from the 'net these past few months. Maybe the Rap Genius annotation was the final straw for Tip?



Damn, Joe, ya boy Ty$ is all up in da game but he's got the NO MA'AM rules missin' like DB Tha General:

"Bro's over hoes? Hell naw, that's gay!"

DB Tha General - Don't Worry
(From I Shine, We All Shine album; 2012)

Sicko Mobb are the new Migos

Which means all y'all lads & lasses need to knock it off hyping up another group who presently only have one great song and whose singular style suggests they will only ever have one great song since they've absolutely nailed said singular style already with Fiesta in much the same way Migos did with Hannah Montana. What's wrong with just celebrating Sicko Mobb for being a one-great-song wonder anyway when it means they're in such esteemed company as T-La Rock and Hot Stylz?

Sicko Mobb - Fiesta
(from YouTube; 2013)


You bloggers ain't nuthin' but models for pigeons on t-shirts by pretending those new Sicko Mobb joints with Lil' Durk and Twista are worthy of anything other than faint embarrassment for everybody involved in them. Being charitable, you could say that neither Maserati or Bitches & Bikinis are quite as awful as that Twitter-bait car crash between TREE & Danny Brown in Margarita Pracatan mode earlier this year, but both songs are hella boosy mismatches of rappers who just don't work together within the framework of the same track, and if you trendy disingenuous motherfuckers keep pushing them as THE NEXT BIG THING then we're going to end up with Sicko Mobb X RiFF RaFF X Ryan Hemsworth collaborations before the end of the year and a tragic string of mixtapes which nobody really cares about anymore a la Migos.

Related: how bad is that Twerk remix of Hannah Montana? Once upon a time only CJ Mackintosh and his UK Club remixes could flat-out ruin perfect Rap songs with such honking recklessness, but nowadays rappers have a more in-house method for spoiling their own shit: themselves. Ol' George Lucas tinkering with fucking lightsaber FX in the O.G Star Wars trilogy ass dudes.

Rejected rejected ideas #2

Annual 2013 list of my post pitches that were so bad even Dan & Drew turned them down for the Rejected Ideas section over at Fat Lace.

I Sit Alone In My 4 Cornered Room Staring At Cankles - Scarface reveals he longer feels comfortable wearing shorts in public due to his rapidly thickening lower legs.

Just A Young 'Hood N*gga, Screech Raised Me - Future argues that Saved By The Bell was a better show than The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air.

M.O.B Dick - Jim Jones & Mel Matrix explain why they're the Rap Game Captain Ahab & Ishmael.

This Is Why I'm Shot - Mims uses a ouija board to speak to Lil' Phat's spirit in a bid to find out if he really was killed by some Ukrainian guido car dealer and Eldorado Red.

The Lyrics Born Ultimatum - in an exclusive interview, the azn bloke from Latryx reveals that he left the group because the blk bloke from Latryx wouldn't stop farting on their tour bus.

It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold His Cack - Dr Gillian McKeith teaches Bizarre from D12 how to turn those lead logs into flaky floaters.

Mouse On The Track - Lil' Mouse tests out whether Nike Flyknits are good for Track & Field events.

Street Nozzles Pointed At Ya Nostros - a Rap blogger dating series in which Andrew "Noz" Nosnitsky and Lauren Nostro go on a string of paintballing dates together.

Wave Bry

In theory, Roc Marciano attempting to surf Max B's wave should be a clash of incompatible styles, yet in practice he pulls it off with the sort of chutzpah that Faxsimile B's like French Montana and Sen City could only dream of. And then you realise: hey, maybe the Max influence has been there all along in post-UN Marciano songs like Ridin' Around but we were all just too busy tracing Long Island Rap lineages and devising new ways to describe dude's wordplay without making him sound like Louis Logic with Lugers & LR-300s to notice it?

Roc Marciano - Ice Cream Man
(From The Pimpire Strikes Back mixtape; 2013)


A definitive list of the Waviest N.Y Rap songs of 2013 so far : Take A Flick by Max B, How Can I Lose? by Chinx Drugz, Instagram (Catfish) by Cam'Ron & Sen City, and this. Something by Le1f too, obviously.