The magic number : Chu-chu edition

Mic Terror is Chicago's answer to Positive K if he'd been raised on 2 Live Crew and smutty Chicago House instead of the Coldcrush Brothers and MC Ricky D, whilst A-Mafia is the archetypal modern Harlem henchman thug-Rapper, but shove a whiff of Love's Train by Con Funk Shun under their respective noses and both gentlemen get so open that they end up trying to outdo each other for the bragging rights of who can lay claim to being the Rap game Lloyd Dobler :

Con Funk Shun - Love's Train
(From To The Max LP; 1982)



Mic Terror - Can I Borrow A Feeling?
(From Can I Borrow A Feeling? mixtape; 2010)



A-Mafia - Love Train
(From My Side Of The Story mixtape; 2011)


Ayo Breezy and Drew - this summer seems like the perfect time for a sequel to the classic Rappers Have Feelings Too! mix.

Happy Eazter

But how can you spend this hungover sunday morning if you don't have much interest in either Jesus or chocolate eggs? By cozying up with this crazily ambrosial Picture Me Rollin' type joint from Trill Fam's answer to Paulie Walnuts' new mixtape, of course :

"House so big I ain't never met my neighbours
paint so wet it ain't a colour, it's a flavour"

Foxx - Rich N*gga
(From Don't Work Don't Eat mixtape; 2012)

I pay dust heads to bust feds

A 2012 documentary about Half-A-Mill, a dead Rapper with approximately 5 good solo songs to his name from an 8 year career due to his terrible choices in production, is almost as ridiculous as someone making a movie about David Bentley's footballing achievements, but if this film results in 'Mill's full DJ Scratch produced demo from 1995 finally getting some sort of release and the rest of the cuts on there are as jammin' as In The Projects then I guess it's hard to begrudge its existence, huh?

"Half-A-Mill spendin' c-notes, sailin' on sea boats
takin' deep tokes, sippin' on gin, blowin' out weed smoke..

Half-A-Mill - In The Projects
(From his demo tape with DJ Scratch; 1995)


Eternal internet props to DJ Mike Nice and Verge for unearthing and cleaning up In The Projects over on T.R.O.Y back in 2009.

Martorial elegance # 59

For American readers, JLS are basically the black ppl's One Direction; or One Direction are the white ppl's JLS if you want to be chronologically correct. Either way, be thankful your country's billboard chart has only been invaded by Simon Cowell's minions in coloured skinny chinos rather than Simon Cowell's minions in drop-crotch elasticated bottom chinos.

Katie in the cut, that's a scary sight

Katie Got Bandz is clearly America's next major AZN star, so her only chance of avoiding the appalling racism that was directed towards Jeremy Lin's possibly short duck dong in the American media recently is if she embraces the unfunny stereotype about AZN women's Cocaine Arses before anyone else gets a chance. What's-a-happenin', hot stuff?

Katie Got Bandz - #Team Lil' Booty
(From Youtube; 2012)


The coda of Katie and her crew wildin' out in the club to, amongst other songs, I Don't Like after the video might just be as important to future generations of Rap fans as that Super 8mm footage of Kool Herc and his buddies partying at Sedgwick and Cedar in 1973 from the BBC's Hip Hop History documentary.

A-Mafia AKA the black Scrooge McDuff

You know how Noz jinxed Fat Trel's Nightmare On E St mixtape the moment he dubbed Trel the greatest Rapper under the age of 21 in America? Yo, I sorta feel like I put a similar curse on A-Mafia because no sooner do I sing his praises via the form of a compilation does he release a atrocious new mixtape called Under The Scope which completely halts any momentum he'd been building. Seriously, other than the previously leaked cuts Road To The Riches and the Real Live Pro remix with 2 Chainz, it's a disaster.

Thankfully, old boy seems to realise that the mixtape quickly sank without trace due to it stanking Datpiff up, and has returned to an earlier banger from 2011's What The Streets Made Me 'tape in an effort to patch up his reputation and begin rebuilding his buzz :

A-Mafia - Star Wars
(From What The Streets Made Me mixtape; 2011)


Chuck Zito-esque post-Dipset henchman-Rap par excellence, and possibly the only Rap video you'll see today where its protagonist compares himself to Scrooge McDuff and appears to pay homage to our homie Reza AKA The Arab Parrot :

'Lito Sayer

Hecky thump, so what was $tarlito's most grandiose April Fools prank yesterday then : the $100 price tag on Bandcamp for the new album or the state of the production on an album we're now supposed to shell out 5 bones of our hard earned money for? To avoid ending up with egg on your face on April 2nd all you really need to cop from Mental WARfare is Burn One's Substitute and title track, the Coop produced 15, and this Lil' Keis banguh :

$tarlito - Live From The Kitchen
(From Mental WARfare album; 2012)


For anyone not keeping score, the best songs from the last couple of 'lito albums have also been produced by Lil' Keis or Coop, while his collaborations with Burn One seem to be generating fewer and fewer keepers per album nowadays. A damn shame when they were probably the best rapper-producer duo of 2010, and 2011 saw Burn One waste a wealth of great beats on overrated nuisances like A$AP Rocky and Alley Boy, and his own stable of Joe The Rapper everymen like Scotty and KD.

So, the subject of the day is Burn One beats that you wish he'd have lavished on $tarlito; a topic which must always begin with Bury Me Alive and Lord Have Mercy, right?

Just sayin', bruv # 2

When in doubt that you can make it to 18 posts in a month, knock out another another Unpopular Opinions banger before exiting stage left pursued by Wu-Tang fanboys wielding pitchforks and torches :

A decade on from the release of The Cold Vein, the 2 members of Cannibal Ox are now remembered as being little more than the poor man's Yak Ballz.

Any Rap blogger who quacks themselves into a think piece frenzy over a try-hard broad with a irritating penchant for Rapping in Muppet Baby/Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins voices is clearly a sexist pig with possible rapist tendencies if they haven't also afforded a similar amount of thought to Pussy by Lady and I Need A Hitta by Katie Got Bandz.

Lyrically and production wise, Ain't My Type Of Hype by Full Force from the House Party OST is undoubtedly superior to anything on Wu-Tang Forever.

Non-north American citizens should be banned from Rapping, because far too many words have been wasted trying to get to the crux of why Drake's music is so odious when the problem simply boils down to Canadians being deeply sexless people who are incapable of sounding commanding on the mic.*

There isn't a single song in the entire Odd Future catalogue that jams as hard as I'm Mikey by The Cool Kids or Too $hort Back by Sir Michael Rocks.

The only people who honestly enjoy the music of SpaceGhostPurrp are dudes with Tumblr pages dedicated to posting Youtube videos of Einsturzende Neubaten, Grime freestyles and dance music that nobody has ever danced to in a club.

If his appeal for a retrial was successful, it's unlikely that Max B could replicate his 2008 - 2009 form so it's probably best for his legacy that he stays in prison until 2040 at the very earliest.

The last 2 paragraphs in the PayTray blog post entitled An Autobiographical Post On Rap And The White Guy about the site's author insulting his family's web programmers in a business meeting after repeatedly listening to Mia X's You Don't Wanna Go 2 War manages to convey the appeal of Rap music more eloquently than anything ever written by Shaheem Reid.

NYC Rap and possibly even Rap as a whole would be far better off if Jay-Z had retired after Big Scoob and Shyheim out-spat him on Big Daddy Kane's mediocre 1994 posse cut Show And Prove.

The main problem with Rap blogging in 2012 has nothing to do with the last 3 months being a dry spell for good music, and everything to do with the medium being precisely 70% less funny now that most of the marquee Rap bloggers conduct their pissing contests about which of them shares the closest affinity with real life black ppl in short sharp bursts on Twitter rather than protracted name-calling contests in comment sections.

(* Don't trip, Boothe - Brits are also deeply sexless people who are incapable of sounding commanding on the mic.)