Friday, 30 March 2012

Just sayin', bruv # 2

When in doubt that you can make it to 18 posts in a month, knock out another another Unpopular Opinions banger before exiting stage left pursued by Wu-Tang fanboys wielding pitchforks and torches :

A decade on from the release of The Cold Vein, the 2 members of Cannibal Ox are now remembered as being little more than the poor man's Yak Ballz.

Any Rap blogger who quacks themselves into a think piece frenzy over a try-hard broad with a irritating penchant for Rapping in Muppet Baby/Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins voices is clearly a sexist pig with possible rapist tendencies if they haven't also afforded a similar amount of thought to Pussy by Lady and I Need A Hitta by Katie Got Bandz.

Lyrically and production wise, Ain't My Type Of Hype by Full Force from the House Party OST is undoubtedly superior to anything on Wu-Tang Forever.

Non-north American citizens should be banned from Rapping, because far too many words have been wasted trying to get to the crux of why Drake's music is so odious when the problem simply boils down to Canadians being deeply sexless people who are incapable of sounding commanding on the mic.*

There isn't a single song in the entire Odd Future catalogue that jams as hard as I'm Mikey by The Cool Kids or Too $hort Back by Sir Michael Rocks.

The only people who honestly enjoy the music of SpaceGhostPurrp are dudes with Tumblr pages dedicated to posting Youtube videos of Einsturzende Neubaten, Grime freestyles and dance music that nobody has ever danced to in a club.

If his appeal for a retrial was successful, it's unlikely that Max B could replicate his 2008 - 2009 form so it's probably best for his legacy that he stays in prison until 2040 at the very earliest.

The last 2 paragraphs in the PayTray blog post entitled An Autobiographical Post On Rap And The White Guy about the site's author insulting his family's web programmers in a business meeting after repeatedly listening to Mia X's You Don't Wanna Go 2 War manages to convey the appeal of Rap music more eloquently than anything ever written by Shaheem Reid.

NYC Rap and possibly even Rap as a whole would be far better off if Jay-Z had retired after Big Scoob and Shyheim out-spat him on Big Daddy Kane's mediocre 1994 posse cut Show And Prove.

The main problem with Rap blogging in 2012 has nothing to do with the last 3 months being a dry spell for good music, and everything to do with the medium being precisely 70% less funny now that most of the marquee Rap bloggers conduct their pissing contests about which of them shares the closest affinity with real life black ppl in short sharp bursts on Twitter rather than protracted name-calling contests in comment sections.

(* Don't trip, Boothe - Brits are also deeply sexless people who are incapable of sounding commanding on the mic.)

8 comments:

Boothe said...

Haha. I saw that asterisk, and KNEW that was for me.

Can't argue though, when I rap to myself in the shower, I sound wack as shit.

CrowleyHead said...

THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAS SUCCESSFULLY ETHERED ALL BLOODY HELL OUT OF ME. I CAN NEVER STEP TO THE SWORD.

done said...

That last paragraph is true, so many lulz lost in the wilderness.

I'm a Minaj fan but if Lady wasnt your shit last year Id be worried you were an illuminati drone. Going to have to try that Full Force/James Brown thing at some stage.

David said...

I think what hurts pay tray's post is making it abt whiteness instead of authenticity more vaguely b/c i think lots of people of color wd probably identify w/ what he's talking about as well, its not like my banker is any more familiar w/ what its like to be a no limit soldier than i am lbs

twitter has ruined discourse in many ways

Will said...

buried the lede with that Jay-Z thing

nyquil said...

Yo this is Nyquil and I fully endorse this post.
Nah but forreal you wanna collaborate on a mix, god? What's yer email address?

Thomas said...

That "Too Short Back" song knocks kinda hard, I hadn't heard that one before.

Also, I non-ironically hate all female rappers.

Richard Tre Mane said...

Nyquil - drop your email here. I wont publish the comment as you'll just end up getting spammed by AZN sites selling fake Jordans.

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