Saturday 30 July 2022

I Wonder If Heaven Got A Cul-De-Sac In A Fictional Suburb Of Australia?


This is worse than when Michael Owen got those two late goals in the 2001 F.A Cup final. My favourite TV show of all faded to black forever ever last night and I feel like my dog died in front of me again. What am I to do? I'm crying over Karl & Susan Kennedy and I'm feelin' blue. Other than Rap music and football, Neighbours has been an only constant in my life since 1988. Why couldn't God have taken Eastenders or Home & Away instead?

Neighbours was famed for being the Aussie soap opera which was bigger in Britain than its homeland, and for introducing the world to Russell Crowe, Guy Pearce, Kylie Minogue, Ben Mendelsohn, Alan Dale, Natalie Imbruglia, Holly Valance, Margot Robbie, Jesse Spencer, the Hemsworth brothers, and that bird who played Annalise (but not Iggy Azalea!) And every last one of them should all be thankful for Neighbours because without the show they'd probably be shearing sheep or advertising Vegemite for a living instead. But for me, Neighbours was deeper than that: Australian ex-pats who live in Britain are the W.O.A.T, but Australians in Australia are an entirely different proposition - the temperature is Californian, but their temperament is British, and so this weird cultural identity crisis with its own unique customs and slanguage has been best expressed in music like Bon Scott-era AC/DC and The Chats, movies like Wake In Fright and Idiot Box, and TV shows like Round The Twist and Underbelly. Neighbours was a more wholesome expression of this dicthomy, and in its teatime TV slot acted as chewing gum for my eyes and comfort food for my soul AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!

Any old prestige HBO TV show can be engaging, entertaining, and emotionally-involving for five or so series. To be all that & a bag of Macadamia nuts five days a week for 37 years? David's Chase and Simon could never. And that is why Neighbours was proper ritualistic Transcendental Television™. It's the end of an avvo for Paul Robinson's neighbourhood. Pour out a little Aussie beer of your choosing for the show I loved so much I could even forgive it giving cameos to Lily Allen and Russell Brand.
How had I been watching Neighbours so long but only just found out the bloke who played Doug Willis is Jason Donovan's IRL dad?

22 comments:

Spartan said...

End of an era. That was a more emotionally satisfying final episode than some other big time series from the past.

Props to everyone who came back for the finale. Margot Robbie can make time for the show, but Kimberely Davies can't?

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Holly Valance paying homage because she'd never have married a British billionaire without Neighbours making her famous. Her & Natalie Imbruglia were big surprises.

Kylie Minogue was the only person who let the side down. She barely had any dialogue either because she was charging by the word or because her bad botox job meant she couldn't move her face.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Had no idea who the old big bald bloke letting the balloon off at the end was. Just realised it was Philip Martin.

Spartan said...

Holy shit! You're right.

Liked the bit when Madge Bishop's ghost made an appearance.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

+ the ghosts of Doug Willis, Sonya Rebecchi, Hendrix, and the ultimate Ramsey Street villain Finn Kelly.

Alas, no ghosts of Bouncer or the Kennedy's parrot.

L.A said...

Good finale. Karl Kennedy has really aged hasn't he?

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

He's got that same thyroid condition as Shaun Ryder which causes alopecia from head to toe.

Anonymous said...

Prisoner Cell Block H has the best TV show coda/finale. Neighbours limped to the barn with an anticlimactic clipshow and skype call compilation. Neighbours never learnt that invaluable life skill about knowing to leave the party before it ends. Or maybe you were on the edge of your seat waiting to find out whether Chloe and Ellie would get back together and if Jane would reconcile with her gigolo son.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Shut up, Dino.

Actually, I was waiting to see if Mike and Jane would climb over Vera Punt's fence to look around her house, and if we'd finally get to see the contents of Karl & Susan's little blue box.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Sidenote: the Neighbours Made Me A Star documentary C5 showed after the finale was great.

Molloy said...

Neighbours pioneered and perfected the art of slow television. I could miss a year of episodes, pick it up again and they were still only part way through a story arc.

Spartan said...

Neighbours coming back on Amazon, blud.

https://amp.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2022/nov/17/neighbours-soap-opera-australia-to-return-on-amazon

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

My phone and Instagram been dinging off for the past hour with people telling me this most glorious news 😄 I love that I'm synonymous with Neighbours ❤ 👍

Spartan said...

The first fifty episodes of Neighbours are up on Freevee, blud.

Spartan said...

Never mind, it’s fifty selected episodes from the series.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Still gotta work out how to use Amazon FreeVee 😄 I think most of the ones which went up today are from 2012 plus a smattering of random classic episodes.

Spartan said...

If you’ve got a smart tv or a firestick plugged in, you should be able to find and download the FreeVee app in the Apps menu. Might be available on Roku box as well, probably.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Yeah, got a smart TV. Annoying that I can't watch it on a proper TV channel at 6 PM as Neighbours is best experienced, but beggars can't be choosers.

Spartan said...

From Ramsey Street to Street Trash, stumbled upon a nice YouTube rip of Body Melt 1993, or as I like to call it Harold Bishop: The Lost Years.

Bunch of other recognisable Aussie soap star faces in it; including Melanie Pearson, Toby Mangel and a few others.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Whoa! Embarrassed to admit I've never heard if this before. Cheers 🍻

Looking through the cast, there's also the Aussie legend Gerard Kennedy, the woman who played Toadie's mum, and the bloke who played Matthew the ghost in series 2 of Round The Twist.

Spartan said...

Guessing you've already seen the Neighbours web spin-off series, Neighbours Vs. Zombies 2014)?

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Natch. It was pretty good, but not an outright classic spin-off like Neighbours: End Game.