Monday, 22 December 2014

An explanation of all Iggy Azalea's past, present and future racial faux pas for all white Americans on the rap internet

"I'm sorry. They're Australian, they think it's all fine!"


1st things 1st, it's important to remember that Tarrie Bar-B is a "confirmed white trash bogan" who hails from Australia, a country with the racial sensitivity of - quite literally - The Convicts. Take their longest running soap opera Neighbours, for instance, which has starred less than 15 ethnic characters in its 29 year history. Do the maths on that and then consider this: the 1 AZN family to ever feature on the show in 1994 lasted 6 weeks and their only story line involved them being accused of eating a pet dog that'd gone missing. That's just the way them AZNs like it, huh? Holly the dog look so good Mrs Lim wish that she could bite it, huh?


Thus, it ain't Iggy Azalea's fault that she doesn't know how to interact with people of colour because she'd probably never even laid eyes on anyone darker than that Greek bird from Heartbreak High and Home & Away before she met Backbone in 2009. Nor is it Iggy Azalea's fault that Fancy is empirically better than any song Azealia Banks has ever released or any song Nicki Minaj has released since the Boss Ass Bitch remix, with Yasss Bish!!! being a possible excelption.

Any criticisms of Iggy as a foreigner appropriating precious American culture are laughable when we consider that Azealia Banks is little more than a Ya Kid K from Technotronic karaoke artist writ large, and the bedrock of Nicki Minaj's success as a pop artist was built on her entry-level stereotyping of Japanese teenagers & European homosexuals, and her "cor blimey, guvnor" Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins impersonations. Plus, if it weren't for foreigners infiltrating American culture then Nicki Minaj's The Pinkprint campaign would have been deader than Magnolia Shorty because the only legitimate banger her vocals have appeared on in the last 6 months is Jessie J's Bang Bang, innit?

Frankly, all y'all outraged white Americans on the rap internet should be holdin' the I-G-G-Y down like you're givin' lessons in physics because you share a spiritual bond with her: your ancestors massacred the native American Indians and then stole their country from them just like Iggy's ancestors massacred the Aboriginal Australians and then stole their country from them. Who dat, who dat? It's your bredren in the genocidal Murda Bizness, I thought you knew dat, knew dat? Still, at least your country then had the decency to give the Injuns a bunch of casinos as an apology, whereas Iggy's homeland still portrays and, indeed, treats its indigenous people as criminals, drug addicts, rapists and psychopaths. Racism like they bringin' 1788 back!

11 comments:

Fulci said...

Used to have a thing for Ada Nicodemou back in the day.

Si Mane Price said...

She deserved so much better than Vinnie.

Ukip Fu said...

Thank you so much for this blog post Mr Martorialist. Was beginning to feel like I was the only sane man in an insane world. Iggy Azalea is shit but all these 2014 Defari/Benzino/Sister Souljah try-hards need to stfu. Let he who is without (cod orientalist) sin cast the first stone innit.

James said...

Took it there.

Si Mane Price said...

Props to Q-Tip for giving Iggy a Hip Hip 101 lecture the day after he rewrote Pumpkin out of rap history in his Larry Smith tribute tweet.

Noble Locks said...

Thus, it ain't Iggy Azalea's fault that she doesn't know how to interact with people of colour because she'd probably never even laid eyes on anyone darker than that Greek bird from Heartbreak High and Home & Away before she met Backbone in 2009.

^^ dead

Anonymous said...

Julie Martin <3

Dank said...

Ya Kid K is a better rapper than Azealia Banks tho.

Ettelthun said...

Watching that 20th Anniversary special of Neighbours again reminded me that Nicola Charles is the GOAT Ramsey Street sheila.

Ben Jones said...

This is why this is the best rap blog on the Internet and for introducing me to the concentration camp

Anonymous said...

fyi you're still british, you dungus

Sponsors