Thursday, 30 May 2013

Just sayin', bruv # 6

Brendan Soderberg might be a rapist-assisting piece of shit who mocks dead cancer victims, but here at The Martorialist we couldn't help but empathize when he recently voiced his annoyance at being boxed into a critical cul-de-sac as "the Rap guy". Us too, yo, so here's a special installment of Just sayin' where we bedazzle the Rap Internet with the sheer breadth of our unpopular-but-factual opinions about other genres of music!

I'd Rather Jack by The Reynolds Girls offers more insight into the concepts of retroism and popism versus rockism than any of Simon Reynolds' masturbatory theorizing.

The Clash's London Calling album is the Rock equivalent of Kevin Costner's Waterworld.

At best, Daft Punk are little more than the Kwik Save K-Klass; at worst, they're a duty free D Mob.

Because he's never shot a defenseless dog in a song or indulged in alternative-Susan Boyle karaoke, Marty Robbins will always have a superior catalogue to Johnny Cash.

If it weren't for Stock, Aitken & Waterman finding such diverse talents as Dead Or Alive, Sonia, and The Reynolds Girls in Merseyside then the city of Liverpool would have never produced a single act of any merit.

With the possible exception of Kill The White People by Eddie Murphy, the entire history of Reggae from 1967 to 1993 exists only as a minor footnote to Shaggy's career.

Due to his deft understanding of rhythm and his ability to energize stadium audiences, Skrillex is an infinitely more talented composer and DJ than the Aphex Twin.

Now that Rap producers have exhausted Jazz as a mine for samples, the works of Miles Davis, Charlie Mingus, John Coltrane et al should probably be burned because nobody has ever sit through a full Jazz album and honestly enjoyed its contents.

Dischord Records and Revelation Records will both go down in history as two labels who spent the past part of twenty years funding rubbish bands who were just Fall Out Boy without the songwriting skills.

Britain's cultural nadir of the eighties wasn't Margaret Thatcher's Tory government but the ‘Madchester’ music scene which still pollutes northern pubs/bars/clubs twenty years later with bowl-headed troglodytes in cagoules and Adidas Gazelles still doing the Bez dance to Fool's Gold.


Tesse Wolfson said...

Oh boy oh boy oh boy! I've never commented on this blog before because I never really had faith in my rap nerdery like that (because I have a bad memory & listened to exclusively novelty music up until 2006-ish), but I do have some relevant personal memories about Marty Robbins and "Big Iron," and I agree w/ your unpopular opinion w.r.t. that (deceased?) man & that song. My moms' college girlfriend's Jewish lawyer husband (my personal hero) used to do an acoustic rendition of "Big Iron" for me & my little brother & our stupid friends back in the mid 90's (back when I thought a big iron was a big iron!) to entertain us, and I always liked it (Big Iron) a little bit more than, say, "Dirty Ol Egg Sucking Dog" (if that is indeed the reference there), or even that (communist?) J.C. song about stealing a Cadillac piece by piece, day by day, via lunchbox (another song with a reprehensible message). Marty Robbins just seems a lil bit more cowboy-ish. Also, in the days after I got my drivers license and before my 1990 Honda Civic Wagon got hooked up with a subwoofer and a CD player, the "Cowboy Album" tape (featuring Marty Robbins) was my 2nd best friend (after my real-life friend/copilot Will) and got me a whole trunk-ton of pussy! (just kidding). So...thanks for the unintentional trip down memory lane! And keep up the good "blerk" ("blog work"). Best wishes, Tesse Wolfson. (PS: Don't actually publish this comment. Just read it, scoff, & delete it. I probably should've not sent it to you at all but I just spent like 5(?) minutes typing it up so I feel like SOMEONE has to read it. And I also feel like I need to tell you that you're blog is great. (because it is! and I'm drunk & my roommates have gone to bed & my phone is out of commission & there isn't shit on TV.) Also thanks for introducing me to the Casual song "Turkey & Dressing," and also some other shit. (I have a bad memory.) Best Wishes, Tesse Wolfson.

Fredo Fantano said...

That was such a great comment I had to post it.

bradley said...

stop the stone roses hate!

Fredo Fantano said...

Ian Brown is guilty of even worse atrocities than Ian Huntley or Ian Brady.

James said...

I agree with 8 of these.

P said...


RMH said...

Karma is gonna unsure the woman of Soderberg's dreams gets date raped by RiFF RaFF.