Friday, 9 July 2010

Martorial Elegance # 44

July 9th 2010.

Mark that date down in your diaries or on your calenders as they day that the Chambray shirt or jacket/Barry chinos or jeans/Brogues or Sperrys era of male fashion which has dominated both da streetz and internet fashion sites over the last 12 months or so took two to the dome from a killer who bellowed "YU'LL NE'ER TEK UUZ, ALEEVE, COPP-AH!!" and hastily retreated into rural woodland. All y'all off-trend motherfuckers were pronounced dead at the scene before the ambulance even arrived because from this day foward, if you're not sporting a mohawk, a skin-tight sleeveless orange muscle-shirt, black jeans, and white trainers like Newcastle's most famous redhead since Spuggy from Byker Grove then, please, just stay in the house where we don't have to see you and your dated clothing, you repulsive nugget of prarie dog shite.

All these hoes take my kids and tell the po-po I'm a brute
/got the spandex t-shirt the same color Tropicana orange juice
Yeeeeeaaaaah!!! - We clap or die, copper

You're probably rolling your eyes and thinking to yourself that the Fashion Po-leese should also take pursuit of Raoul for his soooo obvious and passe Travis Bickle mohawk, and we'd agree with you if we honestly thought some juiced-up ape from Newcastle who lost his marbles over a 'yatch (Money.Over.Bitches, son) had ever seen Taxi Driver in the first place. No, Raoul's mohawk works on the level that he imagines he looks like this :

Oblivious to the fact that he actually looks like this :

This would probably be a good oppurtunity to post something Cop Killer by Body Count or something by pig-blasting rappers like Cool C or Steady B (preferably Juice Crew Dis or Just Call Us Def), but I'd prefer to end today's post with Wet Wipes by Cam'Ron which simply featured his "no singer, b/sling Heavy D/ready-rock/kill-a-cop, Steady B" line instead.

Cam'Ron - Wet Wipes


Dan Greenpeace said...

Hilarious but he's gonna gonna come out of hiding when he sees this and gun you down. Be shook.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

I'd better appease him by quickly doing some crap hip hop based puns :

Born To Raoul
Moat Money, Moat Problems

done said...

how come you aint posted crazy franks review of vinnie pazs new album on youtube?

its got me startin to think he might be doin some andy kaufman spoof thing, i mean tranny prostitutes are one thing but this is hilarious

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

I haven't seen it. Frank's Kyle Butler Youtube channel vanished.

Got a link?

step one said...

Killa Cam just rehashed that line in that new Dipset track:

'hit it like Cool C and my man Steady B/bum diddly diddly yeah I sell Heavy D'

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

The Salute song?

I turned that off 10 seconds into Juelz's verse because I didn't like the beat.

step one said...

yeah, its on 'Salute'. I like the beat, which is weird cos usually that kind of thing would annoy the fuck out of me. Might just be because I hadnt heard any Jim Jones ad-libs for a while ("SPOOKY!")

The CritIQ said...

Keepin it Raoul: If I looked like Ed the Duck I too would probably flip and go on some half-arsed revenge spree. Mr Moat was the Vinnie Paz of British gun-toating loonpots. Perhaps if he'd put more effort into executing his paranoic masterplan and far less of the week penning nobbish essays, I'd have some grudging sympathy for the twat. Props to Gazza tho - the best thing a 'roided-up wife-beating paranoic needs is the company of a wife-beating alcohollic certified-psychotic.

done said...

here it is:

frank should have a telly show.

public access obviously.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Thanks, Done. How did I manage to miss that moment of genius?

Step, Jim is the only currently active rapper who could possible replace Puffy and Pete Rock as the best ad libber of all time.

CritIQ, Raoul is our new candle in the wind.

dj said...

Funnily enough I'm wearing black jeans and white trainers today, and when the missus cut me hair on Saturday, we did wonder about shaving the sides and leaving an amount on top. However, I'm not about to shoot anyone in the face, so similarity probably end there.

I was intrigued by the Gazza connection; in the same week he claims to have been mates with Pope John Paul he also turns out to be a fishing buddy of Raoul Moat. What the fuck.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Given the amount of tv crews at the scene, I can't believe that none of them got Gazza on camera.