The fight scene edition.
Firstly, we're gonna have to lay down some rules here : no weaponry other than objects at hand or knuckledusters, meaning that The Warriors vs. The Punks subway bog battle in The Warriors, Matrix vs. Bennett in Commando, pretty much any scene from a Rambo movie, the mass brawl at the beginning of Gangs Of New York and the multi-network battle in Anchorman are all unfortunately disqualified.
Secondly, we're gonna be cruel and narrow it down to 5, which means cigars are not being placed into the respective mouths of Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. Keith David in They Live, Jake La Motta vs. Sugar Ray Robinson in Raging Bull and Daniel San vs. Johnny in The Karate Kid.
So, without further ado, here's our 5 favourite movie fight scenes :
Dolemite vs. the junkies in Dolemite
Instead of do-gooder social workers seeking more leanient sentences for their drug addled clients we're gonna campaign for this being an adequate treatment for smackheads. Here we find the original dapper don Dolemite single handedly taking on a triumvirate of junkies and their hoodrat cum-dumpster bitch after he catches them in the scouser-like act of stripping his car down, taking revenge by kicking supreme asshole with the sort of moves Mr Miyagi would be proud of and then sending the zonked-out dope fiends to return his car to its formerly pristine condition, all while dressed in an outfit which can only be described as amateur golfer meets Tim Wonnacott from Bargain Hunt.
Jerry vs. Buddy in 3 O'Clock High
Some real David and Goliath type shit always makes for an exhilerating fight scene and were it not for Rocky vs. Drago, which we'll get to in a minute, this would be the G.O.A.T of that particular sub-genre. This is probably the most expertly shot high school flick of the 80s with this key scene featuring Goddard style jump-cuts, lingering Leone-esque close-ups and, uh, whoever first used slow-mo-effect shots slow-mo action to accentuate tension and movement. If you can name a more potent movie punch than Jerry's knuckleduster clad valedictory knock-out thump then we'll paypal you a fiver.
Everybody vs. The Ducky Boys in The Wanderers
All our other choices here are one-on-one fights so it's only fair that we rep' for mass brawls too. We just can't get enough of The Wanderers here at The Martorialist so it's only fitting that the football field battle where the previously divided Wanderers, Del Bombers, Wongs etc finally unite to take on the non-stop barrage of creepy Catholics known as the Ducky Boys, with a little help from Joey's moustached musclehead psychopath of a father (who reminds us a little of da gawd Metin). While The Wanderers and The Del Bombers put in work here against the dreaded Ducky Boys we feel it's The Wongs ("27 guys all with the last name Wong who all know Jujutsu who can kill you with one judo chop") who make the difference, as they kick, punch and throw the zombie-like Ducky Boys around with aplomb.
Frank Dux vs. Chong Li in Bloodsport
Though we may prefer Steven Seagal to Jean Claude Van Damme it's hard to deny VD in his prime. We mentioned Van Damme punching out the snake in Hard Target in a post the other day in regards to the effect once hot pregnant chicks have on our cocks but as far as actual fights go then it's all about the final clash against Bolo Yeung as Chong Li from his '88 classic Bloodsport. It's difficult to choose a favourite part of this scene but we're gonna plump for where cheating chinky Chong Li throws white powder in Frank's eyes which allows Van Damme to get his Brando on by pulling constipated faces and lashing out into thin-air as he pretends to be temporarily blinded being the Pièce de résistance.
Rocky vs. Drago in Rocky 4
The best movie ever? Can't decide between Heathers, Once Upon A Time In The West or Rocky 4 but today we're going with the latter option. While we slightly prefer the Driving Reflections montage scene set to Robert Tepper's No Easy Way (AKA the best song ever) as the finest moment Rocky 4 has to offer we'd be hard pressed to disagree with anyone who prefers the epicly brutal Rocky vs. the near-inhuman Drago match in Russia. Geeks will drone on this flick making a heavy-handed point about America's relationship with Russia during the Cold War but Rocky 4 is actually all about heart and balls. Sly was an expert in manipulating the emotions of his audience and after witnessing Drago beating Apollo to death ("if he dies..he dies") this is a scene which can turn usually placid chick-flick loving wenches into bloodthirsty, foul mouthed, screaming lunatics baying for our dopey dago hero to knock the fucking big commie cunt's head off.
Negative Approach - Ready To Fight (Live, 1981)