Martorial elegance: Use Saint Laurent edition

Well, well, well - if it isn't this year's first remake of a classic that retains the spirit of the original but still sounds like it could have only been made in 2014:

"I didn't know it felt this good just bein' so godamn useless!"

PeeWee LongWay & Quez of Travis Porter - Use Me
(From DJ Lil' Keem's Smoker's Choice mixtape; 2014)


Quick, someone hit up eBay and cop PeeWee LongWay a Nirvana Sliver front cover t-shirt for the video!

No HA-ing matter

Quick post by ya boy Mess Marvell right chea to point out that Juvenile's new album The Fundamentals isn't very good at all despite the fact that he spent last year killing it on the cameo tip with HBK Gang and Lil' Cali, and dropping great tracks like his Ratchet-cum-Radio tribute LL Cool and potential-club bouncers over Mouse On Tha Track beats like Mind Right and Booty.

All I wanted was a Pepsi, a tagless version of Mind Right and Juve' wouldn't give it to me! In fact, none of the aforementioned great 2013 songs appear on The Fundamentals and there's barely a sniff of the excitement that Juve was clearly having rapping last year present on the album either. This just confirms my worst fear: that Juve' is slowly morphing into the New Orleans correlative of noughties Nas.

The only cut I like enough to spend 89p on is the Mouse-produced Live Wire and that's partially because it's Juve's answer to Jackie Chain's Rollin' and partially because it's the song where Juve's sampled "Martin Luther King, bitch I got a dream/but I don't turn the cheek, I empty out the magazine" hook from Lil' Cali's MLK was presumably taken from?

Juvenile - Live Wire
(From The Fundamentals album; 2014)

Martorial elegance: Needle Drop edition

Oi Fantana, put some jam on your shoes and invite your trousers down for tea, m8!

I need a bag of Deep Cuts

Wrote about Fuck That by J. Stalin & Too $hort and Stupendous by Cashy for Deep Cuts on Complex. The former song I love wholeheartedly, the latter song I like a lot but have major reservations about its artist. Fortunately, said reservations were soothed by the fact I could link to two Concentration Camp tracks and yung Birdman & co's O.G smackploitation Bounce anthem I Need A Bag Of Dope in the blurb:

B-32 & DJ Crack Out ft. PxMxWx & Ms. Tee - I Need A Bag Of Dope
(From I Need A Bag Of Dope cassette; 1993)


Just say no to going out like Dash Snow, obviously!

Wouldn't Lil' Kim & Lil' Cease make a perfect couple?

"No dis to Lil' Kim, I had a crush on you
So Mason ain't call me, then I wrote Crush On You"

Especially for Jaspar, here's the MP3s of both versions of Crush On You remix along with a brief breakdown of the song's convoluted history: Crush On You was supposed to be a Rap duet between Lil' Kim & Lil' Cease with a hook from Biggie on Kim's debut album Hardcore in 1996, but because Kim was up the duff at the time she couldn't be arsed recording anything else and ended up giving it to Cease as a solo cut on her LP. This was not long after Cam'Ron had been introduced to Biggie by Ma$e, so Biggie suggested to Kim's label boss Lance "Un" Rivera that Cam be drafted in to ghostwrite Cease's verses, for which he was paid the paltry sum of 5 grand.

Lil' Cease ft. Notorious B.I.G - Crush On You
(From Lil' Kim's Hardcore album; 1997)


The Cease version was popular enough to become a single in its own right in early 1997, but everybody was gagging to hear Kim on the song so after a brief maternity leave from rap she finally recorded a couple of verses for the remix which appeared as the B side of the Not Tonight (Ladies Night remix) sometime around summer 1997 but was pushed as a double-A side since it was granted a video and subsequently became the legitimate hit you know and love, while the the original is obviously the best song to bear Cease's name as its lead artist.

Lil' Kim & Lil' Cease ft. Notorious B.I.G - Crush On You remix
(From Not Tonight single; 1997)


Here's a clip of Kim & Cease performing the remix on Vibe Live in 1997. Watch it and be thankful Kim released her best work before the days when every song by a Female Rapper™ is immediately followed by a deluge of feminist 4 hire thinkpieces:

Generic list post: february the 13th

Cupid fired his arrow at Lil' Durk's heart.....180!
Romance is gonna be in the air tomorrow, but why get suckered into paying an arm-and-a-leg to sit elbow-to-elbow with a clusterfuck of other couples in an overcrowded restaurant on Valentines night when you and your beloved can celebrate your relationship in the privacy of your own love nest this very evening with the official Martorialist Febuary 13th generic list?

This carefully considered list of lover's Rap is better than a bouquet of flowers because it won't be dead by sunday, and it's far more romantic than a box of chocolates because you won't end up selfishly gutzing all the strawberry creams yourself. Snuggle up in front of the fire with that special someone in your life and get all amorous to the sound of Akinyele rapping about sucking toes before one of the porn models he was ghostwriting for recounts her conversion to lesbianism.

T.I. - Let Me Tell You Something (2003)
Capone - Capone Bone (1997)
Rated X - Be Cool To Your Girl (1990)
The Diplomats ft. Toya - Hey Ma remix (2003)
Max B - Porno Muzik (2009)
Eric B. & Rakim - Mahogany (1990)
Devin The Dude - Don't Go (2004)
Jungle Brothers - Behind The Bush (1988)
Akinyele ft. Simone - Love My B#*@h (2001)
Lil' Wayne - Receipt (2005)
Future - Astronaut Chick (2012)
Lil' Kim ft. Lil' Cease & Notorious B.I.G - Crush On You remix (1997)
Puff Daddy - Señorita (1997)
Ma$e ft. Total - What You Want (1998)
Rich Homie Quan - Off You (2013)
Rich Kidz - In Da Car (2012)
LL Cool J ft. LeShaun - Doin' It (single version) (1995)
Z-Ro - Hey Lil' Mama (2004)
Mic Terror - For Tonight (2010)

School me on Skooly

Or rather, school me on Na Na Boo Boo by Skooly. What year was it from and where did it originally appear?

Skooly - Na Na Boo Boo
(From ??????; 20??)


I'm guessing it was from MySpace sometime in late 2009/2010, which would explain why it appears to be such a cult fan favourite judging from its YouTube upload comments, as well as the shoddy sound quality and its lack of a trail on the 'net now. Sucks that such crucial information has been wiped from the internet like the old videos of RiFF RaFF droppin' n-bombs and the picture of Will High with the rocking horse.

PS: that new ZMoney & JNeal song is pretty wonderful. Is this a Guru & Primo type relationship where ZMoney only really sounds good over JNeal beats?

"Will she make it out the trap? Lord knows
Most these bitches in the trap, they born hoes
Foreign clothes, foreign car, condos
I'm a muhfuckin' star, they John Does"

ZMoney - Dope Boy Magic
(From YouTube; 2014)

Valspar Venis

"Drip, drip, baby that's the candy paint
Fallin' off the Ferrari I'm blowin danky dank"



From jackin' Papi for his stash to makin' that Jacko from Brush Strokes cash, tha gawd Ruga Rell has only gone and made the transition from doing songs with members of The Lox to being an expert on shades of Dulux. Ladies and gentlemen, Behr witness to Hell Rell's painting & decorating business Ruga's Painting LLC: