Friday, 3 July 2020

Martorial Elegance: Lidl Wayne

Finally the U.K has a true heir to Kwik Save's Medina brand trainers with Lidl's foray into the budget supermarket shoe market. Forget uncle Charles, I wish Gary Warnett was here to pontificate about these shits:

Tbf, on a purely aesthetic level these things are no worse than any of those Yeezy clodhoppers. Here at The Martorialist we'll wear a Mac Dre cap or a Max B t-shirt, but we'll be damned if we ever walk around in KanYe Pest's equivalent of the dreaded Master P sneaker.

Monday, 29 June 2020

Generic list post: June 2020

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when someone finally solved the mystery of MF DOOM's Arrow Root sample. Now someone needs to solve the mystery of why DOOM decided to waste such a glorious beat on Scienz Of Life.

Smiley Culture - Roots Reality (1985)
Max B - Didn't Mean To Kill A Man (2020)
Ruste Juxx - Still Paper Thin (2020)
Heavy Steppers - Whateva (2020)
Trap Beckham ft. Flo Milli - Back It Up (2020)
Flo Milli - Like That Bitch (2020)
YG - FTP (2020)
79rs Gang - Shot That Signal (2020)
Jenevieve - Baby Powder (2020)
SAULT - Wildfires (2020)
Archers Of Loaf - Talking Over Talk (2020)

Other notables: totally slept on Cavalier's Go Brooklyn until it belatedly got blessed with a video; Eatem & Female Rapper's Bing Bing Bam is a better Whoop Sum sequel than the Whoop Sum remix; two new entries in the Boyz-n-the-Hoodcore canon this month with Boosie's Dope Muzik and Megan Thee Stallion's Girls In The Hood; Zaybang's New Rem is cool but really needed a hook; other than the new episodes of What We Do In The Shadows, the best TV show of June was DJ Quik's episode of Unsung.

Further listing: the best songs of 2020 so far imho.

Further listening: my Top Shelf 8/8/88 sequel compilation.

PS: R.I.P Young Curt. I hope Heaven got a function where No Bitch gets slapped as much as D-Lo's No Hoe.

Friday, 26 June 2020

Charly XCX

"This life I live is pricey, man
Mama ain't give me dollars for the icey-man"

Max B - Didn't Mean To Kill A Man
(From Charly EP; 2020)

Bah bah dah dah dah. Bring out the piano from the Purple City ByrdGang video for this one. The World Boss Vybz Kartel and the Boss Don Max B are the only people in the history of music who can record pristine classic shit in a prison cell.

Previously: To The Max (no Stezo).

Thursday, 25 June 2020

Reasons why I love YouTube part whatever

Because the recent DJ Quik episode of Unsung is on there! Job's a good 'un, though the show occasionally favours The Drama™ over The Music™ to its detriment - Quik's work with Suga Free deserved more screentime, as did Quik's triumphant return on the album with Kurupt. Oh well, feels churlish to complain about a TV which includes a segment detailing the recording of the Penthouse Players Clique LP dunnit?

Tuesday, 23 June 2020

Trap Goin' (Beck)Ham

Trap Beckham ft. Flo Milli - Back It Up
(From the internet; 2020)

It's a game of two halves, Clive. They just don't make booty anthems like this anymore: songs that sound like the past, present and future at the SAME DAMN TIME! Back of the net, my son & shawty.

Who'd have ever thunk there'd be a Rapper called Trap Beckham tho? You'll never win anything with kidz unless you've got a different class of '92: Crunk Giggs, Atlanta Bass Scholes, Snap Butt, and the Futuristic Swag Neville Brothers.

Bonus beats: Flo Milli's new single is hardbody. Not so much death by stereo as death by stiletto.

Flo Milli - Like That Bitch
(From the internet; 2020)

"Big talk, small legs - bitch built like a wine glass!"

Monday, 22 June 2020

Bounce (For The Juracán) Part 2

79rs Gang - Shot That Signal
(From Expect The Unexpected album; 2020)

Some more spiritual miracle Mardi Gras Bounce by the Sitting Chiefs of Injun raindance Lil' Slim-core 79rs Gang. Shout outs to all the fallen New Orleans souljas whose souls are still dancing!

Thursday, 18 June 2020

The best songs of 2020 so far imho

Arm, leg, egg, arm, head.

Everyday feel like it's an off day with Ferris Bueller, but everything ain't going according to plan, man. Six months deep into this annus bizarriblis, here's a generic list of my favourite 25 songs of 2020 (+ very late 2019) thus far. Music is a great escape from life's bullshit, so twist those shoulders like a Muppet to these:

Duke Deuce - Bad News
Max B - Phenomenon
Eatem - Spent It All
Flo Milli - Not Friendly
Mozzy - Big Homie From The Hood
Mic Terror - Head In The Morning
79rs Gang - 79rs Bout To Blow
Yhung T.O - You Know
NHale - Dealin' Wit A Hoe
Boldy James & The Alchemist - Speed Demon Freestyle
Rio Da Yung OG - Take A Day
Nefew - Blockaholic
Dee-1 - Corona Clap
GetEmTree - Opp Watching
Nef The Pharaoh - ABC
Heavy Steppers - Whateva
Ether Da Connect ft. Mr. Swipey & Waka Flocka Flame - WAKA (Remix)
Sada Baby - Slide
Quelle Chris & Chris Keys - Sudden Death
J Hus ft. Burna Boy - Play Play
Jenevieve - Baby Powder
Usher ft. Ella Mai - Don't Waste My Time
The Chats - Pub Feed
Archers Of Loaf - Rayleigh Days
Juiceboxxx - Drive Around

Wednesday, 17 June 2020

It's so rowdy in the Rouge part 3

"This gon' be the first song a bitch whoop your ass on"

Eatem ft. Female Rapper - Bing Bing Bam
(From YouTube; 2020)

Three points here: this is a better Whoop Sum sequel than the actual Whoop Sum remix; nobody can ever say "there's no such thing as a female rapper" again now; and the influence of Skeme's ski goggles in Style Wars endures 4eva.

Monday, 15 June 2020

Don't dry for me, Angelina

Jenevieve - Baby Powder
(From YouTube; 2020)

If, like me, you've been waiting for someone to make an R&B song outta Anri's 80s Japanese dream-pop classic Last Summer Whisper then Jenevieve's Baby Powder is the jam 4 U. Song is so sultry it can even survive the deeply unerotic baby powder metaphor. Word around town, Jenevieve is gonna drop a sequel to this song. It's title? Jennifer Canesten.

Thursday, 11 June 2020

Born To Audiomack: Top Shelf 8/8/88 Part 2

Obviously there's no such thing as a sequel to Top Shelf 8/8/88, but there could be if I made a playlist comprised of 15 songs from 2007 onwards possessed by the Golden-Era spirit. Stuck to East Coast artists because expanding the regional parameters would be too much food for thought tbh. Let's party like it's 1987 to 1992!!!

The Martorialist presents Top Shelf 8/8/88 Part 2
DJ Jazzy Jeff & Peedi Crakk - Brand New Funk 2k7 (2007)
AZ - Doin' That (Memphis Sessions mix) (2007)
Max B - De La Soul (2007)
Azie of MobStyle - The 80's (2008)
Prodigy - Raining Guns And Shanks (2008)
De La Soul - Excursions '09 (2009)
Grand Puba ft. Q-Tip - Good To Go (2009)
N.O.R.E ft. Flava Flav - Nutcracker (2010)
The Bounce Squad ft. Black Rob - Live At The State Building (2011)
Kurious Jorge - Best In The World (2014)
MF DOOM & Madlib - Avalanche (2016)
Edan - Real Bad Promo (2018)
Slick Rick - Midas Touch (2019)
Positive K & MC Lyte - I'm Still Not Havin' It (2019)
A-Mafia - Wunn (2019)

Busta's Don't Touch Me (Throw Da Water On 'Em) was a no brainer for inclusion but Audiomack removed it automatically on upload. The Man™ tryna ruin my crazy visionz or wot?

(Loadsa folks argue that the Golden-Era ended in 1991 but I disagree. It ended in 1992 with the break-ups of Eric B. & Rakim and EPMD; the rises of Redman, Nas, Wu-Tang and Black Moon; and the release of The Chronic.)

Monday, 8 June 2020

Born To Audiomack: Top Shelf 8/8/88 (O.G version)

The good news: browsing the 'net before and I noticed that Top Shelf 8/8/88 is now available on all digital retail/streaming platforms. The bad news: the entire compilation has been remixed with new beats which sound like they belong on a DJ Format album. Here at The Martorialist we do not approve of such tinkering with history, so here's the original 2007 version for your streamable pleasure. The songs by Black Sheep, Biz Markie, MC Lyte, Grand Puba, Smooth B, Special Ed, Melle Mel & Grandmaster Caz and Master Ace are all legit choons, with Ace's song being more bittersweet than ever right now.

Various - Top Shelf 8/8/88 (O.G 2007 version)
1. Fab 5 Freddy - Intro
2. Black Sheep - I'm The One
3. Big Daddy Kane - Like That Y'all
4. Biz Markie - My Name Is
5. MC Lyte - Listen Up
6. Grand Puba - Let's Go
7. Smooth B - I Want My Money Back
8. Craig G - Catch A Lyrical Beatdown
9. Chubb Rock - Chubb Rocks The Party
10. Special Ed - This Mic
11. Doug E. Fresh - It Ain't Nothin'
12. Jungle Brothers - Back In The Jungle
13. Just Ice - I Run The Streets
14. Melle Mel & Grandmaster Caz - The Battle Is On
15. Master Ace - Revolution's 'Bout To Start

Thursday, 4 June 2020

Whateva Men

"We be gettin' groovy or whateva
Get another one 'cause two can could do it better

Heavy Steppers - Whateva
(From the internet; 2020)

Whateva's USP: the Drill duo behind Heavy Steppers doing a BlocBoy JB song (sorta.) Far prefer this one to Heavy Steppers meself, TBH. Talk about video hoes that'll take your breath away, though. Time to get laid, blow up like the World Trade if they copped their dolls from Trotter's Independent Traders.

Same clique bonus beats: Grandmaster Spazz.

Tuesday, 2 June 2020

Nobody's smilin'

Smiley Culture - Police Officer
(From Police Officer single; 1984)

Probably a good day to point out that the U.K is still waiting for a proper investigation into Smiley Culture's supposed "suicide" during a raid on his house by the plod. In Police Officer Smiley got let off during a stop & search because the copper’s kids & mum were fans of his. Alas, he didn’t get so lucky with the coppers who stabbed him in his own home (allegedly!)

How many coppers does it take to throw a prisoner down the stairs? None, the prisoner accidentally fell.

Sunday, 31 May 2020

Generic list post: May 2020

Ice-T - Street Killer
(From O.G. Original Gangster album/VHS tape; 1991)

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when coppers were still as hazardous to black people as Covid-19. Fuck the plod and anyone who love 'em. R.I.P George "Big Floyd" Floyd.

Flo Milli - Not Friendly (2020)
Flo Milli - My Attitude (2020)
Max B - Goodman (2020)
Toon ft. LeBron - Another One (2020)
Mozzy - Boyz To Men (2020)
E-40 ft. Suga Free - 19 Dolla Lap Dance (2020)
GetEmTree - Opp Watching (2020)
The Chats - Pub Feed (2020)
The Chats - The Clap (2020)

Other notables: U.K Drill is such a joke of a sub-genre it makes sense that the comedy Grime granddads would sound better doing it than yer average London lad.

Friday, 29 May 2020

Birds can do Baton Rouge Brawl Music™ too

"I just got a call from my dawg, he comin' home
I just dropped some fondue on his books and on the phone
F*ck 12, free my n*gga right or wrong
Bitch, 'cause all I speak is facts in every song"

GetEmTree - Opp Watching
(From YouTube; 2020)

When Webbie made Gutta Bitch it's highly likely that his muse was a relative of GetEmTree. Been keepin' an eye on this lass since Like A Bitch caught my ear last month, and her new single here is even better. Savage Life ain't dead, it just no longer has a dick between its legs.

Wednesday, 27 May 2020

You can't spell LEEDS without LSD and two E's

LFO - Groovy Distortion
(From Frequencies album; 1991)

You can stick your Kid Cudi Clockers remixes, Groovy Distortion was the REAL fidget-House. If this track ever got play at early 1990s raves its jittery bleeps & bloops musta turned dancefloors into Madness videos. Best song from Frequencies which was never a single, and the song which best defines 1991 because it could potentially soundtrack a Leeds warehouse rave and an episode of Round The Twist at the SAME DAMN TIME.

It's a pity Pete Waterman and Michaela Strachan didn't take The Hitman and Her to a Leeds rave in 1990/1991 for a cross-Pennines counterpart to the 1989 episode where they visited Manchester's Hacienda innit? One of LFO's singles from Frequencies deserved to be captured on film in its natural habitat like A Guy Called Gerald's Voodoo Ray was on the Hacienda episode. It's the Wide Awake Club, Michaela, but not as you know it:

Wikipedia sez:
Pete Waterman said that the idea for The Hitman and Her came to him when he turned on the TV late one night and the only TV station still on-air featured Elvis Costello talking about Irish politics.


Monday, 25 May 2020

To The Max (no Stezo)

She asked how come I'm makin' two song playlists, I said everything's fine but I'm still in a 12" single state of mind. So, that new Max B & Dame Grease Goodman song with the same Them Two sample as Grip Plyaz F*ck Dat Hipster Shit makes a good B-side to Phenomenon, huh? Dame Grease productions only 4 Wavy WMX!

Thursday, 21 May 2020

Turn On, Toon In, Slap Out

"100 blues, all bluefaces
Big dog beat big cases
Lil' n*gga tie your shoe laces
Bad bitch, don't do basics"

Toon ft. LeBron - Another One
(From YouTube; 2020)

Not to be confused with Toon from NOLA. Toon? More like Choon in the case of this song amirite. File this one under 'the Seattle Slap Muzik version of Chamillionaire & Paul Wall.'

Is 2020 the year that regional mainey whiteboy rappers make a comeback? Some of you never listened to T-Bo & Mike Da Hustla and it shows.

Tuesday, 19 May 2020

Generic list post: short song's in the house

EttelThun just dropped a list of 33 legit jams which are short like Curren$y's legs, and it's such a good concept that I'm blatantly biting it for 33 of my own favorites. Rules of this particular parlour game: no songs from Etto's list, no songs longer than 2:30, no beatjacks, no acapellas, no instrumentals/scratch-tracks, no Soundcloud troglodyte fraggle rappers, and no boring Faux Marciano Griselda dullard rappers.

Run-D.M.C - Son Of Byford (1986)
Lakim Shabazz - All True And Living (1988)
De La Soul - What's More? (1989)
Gang Starr - Here Today, Gone Tomorrow (1990)
Ice-T - Fried Chicken (1991)
Ice Cube - A Bird In The Hand (1991)
Mac Mall - Soak Sum Dope (1993)
Snoop Dogg ft. Lady Of Rage - G-Funk (Intro) (1993)
Scarface - No Tears (1994)
Notorious B.I.G - B.I.G (Interlude) (1997)
Mac Dre - My Folks (1997/2005)
Young Bleed - An Offer U Can't Refuse (1998)
Method Man & Redman - Da Rockwilder (1999)
MF DOOM - Dead Bent (LP version) (1999)
AZ - Platinum Bars (2000)
Ghostface Killah - Saturday Nite (2000)
Agallah - Adolf "8-Off" Agallah (Interlude) (2000)
Edan ft. Skillz Ferguson - Adrenaline Rush (2001)
The Clipse ft. Fam-Lay - FamLay Freestyle (2002)
T.I. - Long Live Da Game (2003)
Sean Price - Brokest Rapper You Know (2005)
Dres of Black Sheep - I'm The One (2007)
Uncle Murda - Anybody Can Get It (2008)
Grand Puba ft. Q-Tip - Good To Go (2009)
A-Mafia - Wayne Perry (2011)
$hamrock & Jackie Chain - Pacman (2012)
TREE - Probably Nu It (2014)
Valee - Seen Her Before (2016)
Queen Key - My Way (2017)
Tay-K - The Race (2017)
Rico Nasty - Smack A Bitch (2018)
70th Street Carlos - Sprite (2018)
BlocBoy JB - Mercedes (2019)

Friday, 15 May 2020

Puffy Dee Flow

"Because my attitude so nasty, I act just like my pappy
A lotta n*ggas want a piece of me like I'm some candy"

Flo Milli - My Attitude
(From YouTube; 2020)

I'm a child of 80s Beastie Boys so I'll always appreciate Brat-Rap in all its guises. What I'd also appreciate is a Flo Milli CD maxi-single with Not Friendly, Beef FloMix, and My Attitude on it.

PS: Not Friendly is the 'ardest song out right now.

Tuesday, 12 May 2020

Alright, Dave?

"I'm insightful, recognising life is a cycle
Like I recognise when girls fight titties pop out, ya catch an eyeful"

Rodney P - Big Tings We Inna
(From Big Tings We Inna 12" single; 2001)

Rodney P was best when he made music which was more Reggae-Rap than Rap-Reggae. If Smiley Culture travelled forward in time to go bish bash bosh in the Bashment then Big Tings We Inna woulda been the result. Near perfect Windrush Generation song but for the "old dog readin' the Playboy in the bible" line - this is Paul Raymond's manor not Hugh Hefner's turf, you plonker!

Saturday, 9 May 2020

Peace Dr. Jeckyll - haha, see ya later!

Pour out a little Champagne for the Gordon Gekko of Rap/Berry Gordy of Rap & Bullshit Andre "Dr. Jeckyll" Harrell. The rapping era of Harrell's career usually gets brushed aside as a mere footnote to his A&R powermoves, but Jeckyll & Hyde were one of the best groups of the early 80s. They talked shit to Vanity 6 on The Challenge; they got the best beat of Pumpkin's tenure with Profile Records on Gettin' Money; they were ideal foils for Davy DMX (ghost)production on Fast Life and Yellow Panties; and they recorded the most underrated song of Rap's Disco-Band era with Doing The Do. Most of yer self-styled Hip Hop historians will never admit it, but Harlem bodied the Bronx on wax from 1979 to 1982 and this song is one of the key examples of Uptown's superiority:

Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde - Doing The Do
(From Jeckyll & Hyde Dance/Doing The Do 12" single; 1982)

Thursday, 7 May 2020

Steel drums alert!

"Girls be actin', I can tell that you're pretendin'
These hoes really jealous, that's the reason I'm not friendly
I hear these haters talkin' shit, it really don't offend me
'Cause in a crowd full of pussies I see that you blend in"

Flo Milli - Not Friendly
(From YouTube; 2020)

This latest single by the In The Party lass is very much my shit right now. Imagine a mainier sassier Gucci Gucci with steel drums and you've got Not Friendly in a nutshell.

Wednesday, 6 May 2020

If we sacrifice Berlin's Techno scene to a volcano can we get Florian Schneider back?

Never forget Bun B's Man-Machine print cycling shirt from GLC's Take It Off video!

Pop, lock, and drop it for das funky kraut Florian Schneider. As a member of Kraftwerk old Florian accidentally birthed Techno, but let's not hold that against him because he also accidentally birthed Electro, Chicago House, and a buncha great Rap songs from artists as diverse as The Fearless Four, Agallah, Egyptian Lover, J.J. Fad, R.A The Rugged Man, 95 South, and that nonce Afrika Bambaataa. His most impressive feat, however, was making Coldplay sorta listenable and for that he is a true G.O.A.T Gerry. Rest in peace Flo' Autobahn Rida - I hope Heaven got a buncha Kraftwerk groupies who look like Helga from 'Allo 'Allo.

Tuesday, 5 May 2020

Remember pubs from ages ago?

Public Enemy - Can't Do Nuttin' For Ya, Man
(From Fear Of A Black Planet album; 1990)

That feeling when you're a Rap Guy™ but Rap isn't fulfilling your current existential needs. It's precisely 2 months tonight since I last went the pub and my heart yearns for the booze, the burgers, the banter, and even the bookie with the dodgy racing tips. Rappers can't do nuttin' for ya man Marty on this issue, so I've gotta turn to Aussie Punkers for some audio aloe vera. Never mind The Orange Organics, here's The Bogan Moronics:

The Chats - Pub Feed
(From High Risk Behaviour album; 2020)

Oi ginger singer from The Chats - are you Marmaloid in disguise?

Bonus bogans: Toto, I have a feeling we're not on Ramsey Street anymore.

Sunday, 3 May 2020

Very Special

Crooklyn was a gift and a curse for Special Ed: an instant-classic posse cut which rescued Ed from the Rap wilderness, it then inspired him to rhyme over a buncha lumpen mid-tempo beats for his mediocre comeback LP Revelations. Luckily Profile Records stepped in to spare Ed's blushes by hiring DJ Premier to rework Freaky Flow into a track which va-va-voomed like 74 Honda scooters. Billed as a remix, it's more like a sequel since the only thing it shares with the original is the hook. If I Got It Made is the highest title numero uno of Special Ed songs then the Freaky Flow remix is fighting it out with Taxing for numero dos position.

Special Ed - Freaky Flow (DJ Premier remix)
(From Freaky Flow (DJ Premier remix) 12" single; 1996)