Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Thoughts on Rittz's White Jesus mixtape

Rittz - Nowhere To Run
(From White Jesus album; 2011)

Fulla Shit and High Five are the obvious standouts, but I may come to love Nowhere To Run too because it's an emo cracka-rap song us white ppl can listen to when we're feeling frail like a penguin's egg without being struck dumb by images of the fabled sulking teens in Papa Roach's Last Resort video. But anyway, since it's now k00l to like fat white southern rappers I present you with the best three songs by Haystak as according to me.

When dudes do "rap album covers lolz" message board threads you can guarantee that Crackavelli is always gonna follow the infamous Big Bear CD sleeve, but 'stak Bundles was actually one of the forefathers of Moonshine 'n' Rhinestones whigga-rap who was kicking double-time flows and launching into Newports & cheap booze-addled raspy harmonizing like a saltine ginger Z-Ro when Rittz was probably still playing air-guitar to Puddle Of Mudd and practicing the Grandmaster Sexay and Scotty 2 Hotty dance in front of his mother's TV. So, go grab your rhodium fronts, and then cop some 44" waist Southpole jean shorts, white softtoe Reeboks and Ecko t-shirts from TK Maxx and let's take it to the dirt roads. Or the fridge :

Haystak - Reckon
(From Car Fulla White Boys album; 2000)

Haystak - Broads And Alcohol
(From Portrait Of A White Boy album; 2004)

Haystak - Hell Naw
(From Cracks The Safe album; 2008)

Swear down that wasn't intended as a one-hot-song-ever-four-year-average there, because everybody knows that Haystak has made more good songs than Eminem at this point.


sisilafami said...

best album ?

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

I don't know that there is such a thing as a best Haystak album, but every one I've heard (around seven of them) has somewhere between two and four great songs.

done said...

i should know better but yeah iv always judged this dude by his image, il give him a go now though. in white rap apoligist terms your taste>>>>>dante ross's

ha i remember everyone in primary school tryna do the worm like like scotty 2 hotty. all these clips you link are making me want to start watching wrestling again for the first time in like a decade, rikishis expression post sunglasses and scottys hand gestures upon entering the ring are fuckin priceless

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

The good thing about Haystak is that he thankfully sounds nothing like he looks.

Wrestling died when Syxxx was diagnosed with hepatitis C.

d said...

ha! john cenas freestyles did a great job of killing my enthusiasm last time i gave it a chance

ditto for lil wyte. i have distinct memories of laughin my arse off at an old source ad of his when i was younger

Kelvin Mack10zie said...


done said...

is it wrong that i really like this? not even just ironically. the beats shit but...fuck im gonna have to listen again im doubting my faculties here

"pull a rabbit out a hat....and choke it"

was this a response diss? fuckin bodied em if so. itd also be a bit iffy tho what with the redneck vs mehican connotations

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Had to make a post with that.