Sunday, 19 July 2009

Martorial elegance # 25

Back in this post we discussed the unquenchable thirst metallers have for REPPING!!! no matter what the elements, where we focussed on the '93-til-infinity strand of metallers who hold Sepultura-era Max Cavalera as their main style icon and who laugh in the smugly punchable Ricky Ponting-like faces of rain, wind and arctic tempretures when sporting their 3/4 length camo' cut offs all day, e'ry day throughout the seemingly endless harsh British winter.

This time, though, we're gonna discuss their flipsise and turn our attentions to the vagaries of post-goth metallers for whom mere obstacles like glaring sun and sweltering turning-your-crotch-into-a-petri-dish humidity don't even come into consideration when sliding into their pvc kecks, pulling on their leather trench-coats, and climbing into their clod-hopping platform boots every summer morning.

Real metallerz don't die. They might reach middle age and then look even more ridiculous, but they don't die.

You have to hand it to metallers and their effortless ability to accessorize. The Django look is the new black, darling. His diminutive coffin rucksack probably contains little more than some tuna & sweetcorn butties, but here at The Martorialist we like to imagine he has a dead foetus in there, thus making the point that, unlike those goddamned Juggalo pussies who bow to the constraints imposed on us by regular society, real motherfuckin' metallers carry their decaying dead babies around with 'em on their backs :

Mr coffin backback goff' (thanks to B for the pic, btw) is also particularly noteworthy as, from the back at least, he could be the gormless goth whose bone-idle fiancée had him dragging her around on a leash as she indulged in a bizarre human-pet fantasy in a desperate bid to avoid having to do any housework :

But nothing had prepared her for the reaction of the bus driver who allegedly told the self-styled Goth and her boyfriend: "We don't let freaks and dogs like you on."

On a metal-related footnote :

Saw De La, with a little help from Prince Paul and a 10 piece band, do 3 Feet High And Rising in full the other night. Buhloone Mind State is their actual magnum opus but 3 Feet.. is probably the more interesting album to bring to life, innit? Think about it : would you rather see 'em play Transmitting Live From Mars and Take It Off OR Dave Has A Problem..Seriously and Long Island Wildin'? Yeah, exactly.

A fine evening and De La's band tackled the uneviable task of recreating old Cymande, Funkadelic, Sly Stone, Steely Dan, The Turtles et al samples more expertly than Public Enemy's slighly Level 42-ish session band belted out the James Brown/The JB's, Isaac Hayes etc samples during the It Takes A.. show in '08, but after seeing 3 of my favourite rap albums performed from front-to-back in the past 12 months the years are really starting to unfurl between that golden period back in '05/'06 when i saw The Stooges, Girls Against Boys, Dinosaur Jr and Jon Spencer Blues Explosion all soar through their respective rawk classics. It's been too long and right about i wouldn't say no to a Monster Magnet show with them giving their Spine Of God LP the full treatment.

Monster Magnet - Snake Dance

Monster Magnet - Spine Of God

They may have had a name like a Timmy Mallett catchphrase or a Partridge gameshow proposal but, damn, them Jersey boys were wild on their first couple of releases before their original guitarist departed.

1 comment:

James said...

The Juggalo funeral hahaha