Couple of old blokes, we're the U.K G.O.A.Ts

Pete & Bas - Cross Country
(From Cross Country single; 2026)

Pete & Bas · Cross Country

By the manor, for the manor, it's a summer bangeur by the pensioner London Posse. This song is like Je M'appelle for 2026. I enjoy Pete & Bas' music in the same way I enjoy the movie The Business: it should be with a degree of shame, but it's executed so flawlessly that I can't help but love it wholeheartedly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Percee Peeve

Nine & Dex - White Boy Wasted
(From White Boy Wasted single; 2026)


Welcome back to the the Road-Rap Eric & Ernie. On one hand, they've pissed me off again by calling the police "feds." On the other hand, they also call the police "bacon." Would Big Vern from VIZ ever call use the word "feds"? Of course he wouldn't, and neither should ANY self-respecting British man.

Bonus beats: Sod it, here's a Quinary of Quality™ for Nine & Dex. In chronological order, their 5 best songs thus far IMHO.

Top 5 Nine & Dex choonz
1. Pecan Pie (2024)
2. Morgan Freeman (2025)
3. Shetland Pony (2055)
4. Postman Pat (2025)
5. Power Ranger (2025)

Grandads, we love you (part 2)

Nine & Dex - Morgan Freeman
(From YouTube; 2025)


The ghostwriting grandson's of Pete & Bas return with a track which is pretty much Pecan Pie part two. The great chalky hopes are back with bars and bars like Tim Martin. LMFAO @ "and if he wanna keep playin' with the big bro then his whole family's f**ked like he's in Bread." U.K Rap exists solely to keep me amused with punchlines about Scouse shitcoms from the 1980s.

One very much 4 the Britz: grandads, we love you

Nine & Dex - Pecan Pie
(From Pecan Pie single; 2024)


Oh ok, so these are the two lads who ghostwrite and produce for the Road-Rap pensioners Pete & Bas (apparently they're their grandads.) Since the faces been revealed, game got real indeed: mans go back-and-forth like Neville & Carragher. Much like Giggs' Monsta Man, this is that old robotic futuristic Jet Set Willy crazy shit. 90% of British Rap is only good when it embraces the fact that it is, essentially, novelty music. LD and Youngs Teflon could never!

Pete & Bas - Mr Worldwide
(From Mr Worldwide single; 2023)

Obligatory annual post about some U.K Road-Rap song

CASisDEAD - Venom
(From Venom single; 2023)


CASisDEAD's M.O is that he's a Road-Rapper for UKHH blokes and basic bastards/bitches who'd never usually listen to Road-Rap. Thus, he's the perfect person to go full Gorillaz featuring Róisín Murphy Road-Pop on Venom. A terrible idea in theory compounded by the Bomfunk MC's sounding-arse intro, but a top choon in reality. An unlikely triumph of songwriting execution, and the best British Rap song about baby-mum drama since Sway's Baby Father.