Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Listen and weep, CJ Mackintosh

In a pefectly executed coup de grâce which ended the previously invulnerable tradition of awkward rapping over bogus four-to-the floor beats, I present you with the first hip-house song to not sound like Rickie from My So Called Life trying to buttfuck you with a Louisville slugger-sized dildo made from melted down copies of late 80s ‘UK club remix’ 12"s of Monie Love songs. Naturally, it had to be a resident of the city which beget house music in the first place who finally realised what the central problem with hip-house was before rectifying it; too much house and not enough hip or hoes, bro's :

Mic Terror - Juke Them Hoes
(From MySpace/The Terrordome Volume 2 mixtape; 2007)



Even though MySpace was responsible for inflicting the musical career of Kate Nash on the world and leaving one's eyeballs like ol' girl in Un Chien Andalou after fat burlesque chicks would randomly send you smutty pictures accompanying their friend requests, such grotty evils were countered by Tom & Rupert's website preventing mass murders in Florida by giving Filipino Frank an outlet to procure sex from bipolar junkie trannie prostitutes, and the site being the carnival where your author first took a ride on such songs as I Got Me Some BAPES by Soulja Boy & Arab, Put Ya Stamp On It by Young Bleed, It's The Shoes by Curtains, Watch My Feet by Dude N Nem, What Is Love by Crime Mob, Vans by The Pack, Cold Outside by Begetz with Half-A-Mil & AZ and this saucy ode to Juke-dancing by Chi-Town's Mic Terror between 2005 and 2007.

Some of these songs went on to become viral sensations and legitimate hits, whilst others were achromatized into the creases of the internet, but the act of discovering them on MySpace was far more pleasurable than the Facebook rap-experience of fairweather listener friends cheerleading every shitty new Jay-Z song and posting the Yonkers video weeks/months after it dropped all like "OMG! Check out this new super-underground rapper who sounds like El-P, eats cockroaches and wears Supreme, guys!!!!" Still, at least Facebook does have a Boosie page where, in addition to its ceaseless "FREE BOOSIE!" pleas and admonishments of da hataz, those of us who are members are treated to daily pictures of various whiggas and whiggettes posing in their Boosiejustice.com t-shirts :



A white girl with whom you debate the merits of Ghetto Stories over Gangsta Musik = possible marriage material on principle alone?

3 comments:

brad said...

she looks australian

Anonymous said...

Have you heard Mic Terror's "Can I Borrow A Feeling?" mixtape from last year?

The Great Gats, B said...

Yeah, I checked it after Blastmaster championed it on SB. Only liked 3 songs but they were 3 really, really good songs.

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