Reasons why I love YouTube # 49

A quick Zack Morris time-out from teh Rap musik tonight for a video of Robert Tepper lip-syncing his way through the Rocky 4 OST classic There's No Easy Way Out on German TV in 1985:


You've gotta hand it to the Jerries, they might have some very dodgy eccentricities (cultivating handlebar moustaches, watching shizer smut, murdering Jewish ppl, dropping bombs on British chip shops, employing German ex-pats in America during WW2 to hide up in the Potosi Mountains and shoot down an airliner full of major U.S physicists that poor old Carole Lombard also happened to be travelling on, and releasing the kind of Das 4 Elementz Preservation Society Hip Hop which makes the New Zealand Rap group who Jaz DJs for sound like Young Thug), but they sure do have good taste in histrionic 80s American poodle-Rawk.

Related: Jonzun Crew doing Pack Jam on German TV in 1983.

Agallah the Harold Bishop

Another freezing cold sunday afternoon, another Agallah The Don Bishop pun that'll confuse 80% of the people who read this site, and another great old Agallah deep cut from Da Mixtape Iz The Album I've only just discovered recently. Hear why Agallah is the type of bloke who probably lists himself as a Hopeless Romantic on his Match.com profile here:

"Don't act all fly if I ax' you out
'Cause you and I both know Ima mash you out!"

Agallah - Let's Get High
(From Da Mixtape Iz The Album mixtape; 2001)


Don't be mislead by the title because Let's Get High isn't another entry into the Agallah weed song canon alongside the likes of Fly High and Trees For Xmas. As hinted at above it's actually an adorable little ditty in the vein of Neighborhood Hoe about "the bitches and whores, my type of shit y'all" over what sounds the closing score from some swashbuckling 1930s Clark Gable movie for Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. No, seriously, I'm not just blowin' hyperbole outta my arsehole here, I swear that sample really does come from some Clark Gable flick I've half-watched on a freezing cold sunday afternoon much like today.

Instagram Pam

Unhappy to find that there's zero trace of the Trill ENT roster on Foxx's new mixtape Shake Back (dude is now referring to himself as the "Trill E-N-T underdog" and will probably have to agree to an album with godamn Lil' Trill if he wants Turk & Mel to ever officially release something with his name on it again), but very pleased to report that the 'tape's highlight is one of Foxx's customary barbiturate-ballads about his everyday woes with a chorus which could have come straight outta Mouse On Tha Track's folder of golden hooks:

"Sometimes I wanna jump in my car, put the bitch in drive
Hit the interstate and just ride and get hiiiiiiiiiiiigh
And forget about the shit I go through
Fuck everybody, right now I don't know you"

Foxx - Ride
(From Shake Back mixtape; 2013)


Frankie Tha Lucky Dog done told me Foxx's "they on the internet too, put the wrong picture on Instagram and they comin' for you" line is an ill subliminal to the white staff at Noisey whose recent expose on online lean dealing got a bunch of black dudes arrested for using Instagram to sell syrup and post picture of illegal firearms.

Thank you Lucky Dog

If Johnny Cinco's They Gave The Wrong Young N*gga Money is the reckless Blaxploitation Spaghetti Western of cash-themed 2013 Rap songs then Money Whipped by Savage AKA Sav Sinatra AKA Savage On Tha Track (an underrated Baton Rogue producer for Trill ENT/occasional rapping weed-carrier for Young Ready) must be the sombre Paul Schrader-penned late 70s American arthouse movie in Tinsel Town clothing?

If that all sounds a bit too poncey for datazz then here's a more straightforward pitch: dreamy Rap songs with money-as-a-girl similes are way better than corny Rap songs with Hip-Hop-kulcha-as-a-girl similes.

"N*ggas rob for ya, they work for ya, they hustle for ya, they scam
They prey for ya, they wish for ya, sell dope and pro'lly get jammed"

Savage - Money Whipped
(From Money Whipped single; 2013)



All jokes aside, I'm dead serious about They Gave The Wrong Young N*gga Money being one of the key songs in a new sub-genre of 2013 ATL Rap I'm naming ‘Buck Rogers Years Spaghetti-Western jams’. Also see: Sh!t by Future, Pablo by Gucci Mane & E-40, Hannah Montana by Migos, and Jose Got Dem Tacos remix by Kap-G & Young Jeezy.

Thank you Based Noz

Ryan Hemsworth's current not-at-all-suspicious ubiquity across all the big media outlets and blogs might be a standard Wavery exercise in peddling yet another shitty 5th rate, 3rd generation Cloud-Rap Tumblr flunky buddy of theirs, but Jordan Sargent's recent SPIN article suggests the blame for Hemsworth's buzz lies in slightly more innocent hands. In much the same way that Klara Hitler inadvertently gave birth to a tyrant, it transpires that Noz is accidentally responsible for the career of some Canadian indie rawk dewd who sharts out Cloud-Rap remixes of Katy Perry songs for Yung Lean and Kitty Pryde to rhyme over:

Here at The Martorialist we think blaming Noz for the relative rise of some Costco Clams Casino with an added zany mash-up gimmick straight outta 2006 is a trifle unfair. But should Noz get denied access to Heaven when he eventually pitches up to the pearly gates then it's probably because Saint Peter takes a dim view on him unwittingly setting off a chain of events which led to the existence of 2013's worst piece of music writing. Still, as Hemsworth himself explains in one of the many too-amazing-to-be-actually-true-surely? quotables from the SPIN article, accidents do happen:

If anyone from the Wavery had ever actually heard a Rap record made before 2006 they'd realise Zach G is the only rapper from their brood with any sort of talent or credibility. Rare Birds is to Bubba Sparxxx's Jimmy Mathis as LL Cool J's I Need A Beat is to It's Yours by T-La Rock, imho.

Donal D's tweet had broke the glass!

Here's something I'm deeply ashamed to admit I never knew existed until a couple of days ago: a Slick Rick & Dana Dane version of Ice-T's Pimpin' Ain't Easy song over The Godfather's entrance theme from that late 90s WWE Rap compilation. I'm guessing this original version got shelved because the universe would've imploded if the Que to Slick Rick's Future had appeared on the same song as each other back then?

Slick Rick & Dana Dane ft. The Godfather - Pimpin' Ain't Easy
(From Vince's vaults; 1998)


Once more with feeling in case you didn't quite grasp the magnitude of this: there's a song where Slick Rick & Dana Dane both rhyme over the Godfather's WWE entrance theme which actually exists IRL and it's pretty good! The universe still hasn't imploded, but my brain is about to.

Ned Ratchet

You say It's Hot, I say Heal The World!
Click LIKE if u remember REAL Ratchet HIPHOP by former Ca$h Money artists!!!
I kid, I kid because I dig It's Hot (though it's weird seeing Turk as an adult and not dressed like a Hot Boy in his new videos), but never forget that Mannie Fresh made a great Ratchet joint with P.Lo & Jay Ant of HBK Gang last year which everybody ignored. Perhaps the song got slept on due to its ol' Band Aid soundin' ass title, but anyone expecting Talib Manni needn't have worried because Heal The World is closer to Mind Of Mannie Fresh than it is to Midge Ure, Marilyn & Francis Rossi, and the only similarity the song shares with Do They Know It's Xmas is that it slaps harder than Boy George during one of his S&M sessions with rentboys he's imprisoned against their will:

Mannie Fresh ft. Jay Ant - Heal The World
(From the internet; 2012)



Also never forget that Travis Porter & Kirko Bangz are the owners of best song over that amazing DJ Mustard beat which Mustard had previously sold to Soulja Boy AND E-40 on two separate occasions. There are very tenuous connections between Ca$h Money Records and Real N*ggas In The Building but they do exist: Ali from Travie kicks a Hot Boy$ flow at the end and Kirko Bangz once again proves that he's what Drake would have been if Drake wasn't from a country that's just so wholesome it can't do lust without coming off creepy. No offence to any Canadian readers but I'm not listening to Rap music by dudes who drink milk out of bags and who probably have an uncle named Jacques:

Travis Porter ft. Kirko Bangz - Real N*ggas In The Building
(From DJ Drama's Quality Street Music album; 2012)

Generic list post: MySpace edition

I'm gonna have to confess that I'm not on particularly intimate terms with the nu-MySpace because I've only stopped by the place a mere two times since its revamped relaunch earlier this year: the first visit was to see if Rich Homie Quan really does have music dating back to 2009 (he does!) and the second was when one of the lil' homies sent me a link to Brendan Soderberg's Juicy J listicle for the site all like "well, this is the official nail in the coffin for Three 6 Mafia's legacy, huh?"

But it's crucial to remember that MySpace was once a glorious Shangri-La for Rap music: it was the initial host for various lost minor-classic loosies by Prodigy, Young Bleed, Rakim, The Jacka, State Property, Crime Mob, Cam'Ron, N.O.R.E etc alongside original versions of ABN and Cormega songs which would later end up butchered by sample clearance; The Pack/Lil B, Soulja Boy, Mic Terror, Dude N Nem, Jackie Chain, Hot Stylz and The Cool Kidz/Sir Michael Rocks all first found fame on the site; and it was absolutely heaving with new music by Bay Area rappers between 2006 to 2009 when new music by Bay Area rappers was an absolute bastard to keep abreast of.

All that and Pimp C blessing the place with his pithy ruminations on "PUSSY ASS N*GGAZ", "PUSSY ASS RAP N*GGAZ" and "FUNKY BITCHIZ"! We were spoiled and such joys made it worth the effort of fending off daily friend requests from webcam girls, pyramid-scheme scammers, fat Burleque performers and shitty British indie bands who made Kasabian sound like Howlin' Wolf. Still unconvinced? Then behold this generic list of the 25 best Rap songs ya boy Tela Tequila right chea first heard on MySpace during its golden age of 2006 - 2008:

1. Young Bleed - Stamp On It (2006)
2. Jim Jones ft. Max B & Mel Matrix - Anniversary (2008)
3. Hot Stylz - Lookin' Ass N*gga (2007)
4. Prodigy - Raining Guns And Shanks (2007)
5. Pete Rock ft. Jim Jones & Max B - We Roll (2007)
6. Mic Terror - Juke Them Hoes (2007)
7. Rakim ft. Lil' Fame - I'm Back (2008)
8. The Jacka - Heavy Rain (2006)
9. Husalah - Live Life Illegal (2006)
10. Dude N Nem - Watch My Feet (2007)
11. Jackie Chain ft. Jhi Ali - Rollin' (2008)
12. Cam'Ron - Pass Da Dutchie (2008)
13. The Pack - Vans (2006)
14. ABN - Rain (O.G version) (2008)
15. State Property - Live In Effect (2008)
16. Big Tuck ft. Fat B - Not A Stain On Me (2008)
17. Messy Marv & Mitchy Slick - Diego To Da Bay (2007)
18. Soulja Boy ft. Arab - I Got Me Some BAPES (2006)
19. AZ ft. Papoose - Knowledge Is Freedom (2008)
20. Crime Mob - What Is Love? (2008)
21. Keak Da Sneak - P.I.M.P (2008)
22. N.O.R.E - Cocaine Cowboys (2007)
23. Cormega ft. Juelz Santana & Hell Rell - Stuntin' (O.G version) (2007)
24. The Cool Kidz - I'm Mikey (2007)
25. Black Rob - New York (2006)
(Yes, I'm riding for a song featuring Papoose because it's a surprisingly good cameo by his standards so I can just pretend it's another posthumous unreleased Half-A-Mill verse a la Cold Outside or somethin'.)