Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when I learned about the funniest Rap conspiracy theory ever: 2Pac faked his death, hid out for a few years, and then reinvented himself as... Akil The MC from Jurassic 5. Up next: Paul C secretly survived being shot, moved to California, and became Andy Cooper from Ugly Duckling.
Monaleo ft. Flo Milli - We Not Humping (remix)
(From We Not Humping (remix) single; 2022)
I've grown to like the We Not Humping remix almost as much as the original. That beat is so damn good you can just jam both versions back-to-back like late buses. Really don't understand how there are DJs out here complaining that there's no modern Rap for the dancefloor when there's two versions of We Not Humping staring them in the face. The problem is that DJs are too lazy to dig beyond Spotify playlist hits and too shook to play anything their punters are unfamiliar with. So, they've noone to blame but themselves that they're forced to play boring singles by Lil' Baby and Gunna through gritted teeth when they could be playing We Not Humping and Duke Deuce singles instead.
Oi Spartorialist - I've just thought of a glaring omission from the canon of Great Songs Recorded Especially For Movies: Camel Lips' Gas Chamber from Serial Mom. There's hundreds upon hundreds of Great Songs Recorded Especially For Movies, but precious few where the artist got to cameo their song with a live performance set-piece. Kathleen Turner lit Justin Whalin up like a Christmas tree, but he went out with Donita Sparks spilling a little liquor on his burning body. Death by Donita! A Grunge Grand Guignol.
If Gas Chamber is the G.O.A.T live performance scene featuring a Great Song Recorded Especially For A Movie, then the Beastie Boys performance of Desperado in Tougher Than Leather comes in in second place, closely followed by Stu Gardner's performance of Mighty Good Times in Point Blank. Their Desperado performance was our last glimpse of the #problematic Beastie brat era before they left Def Jam. Like my man KRS said R.I.P Ad-Rock.
Camel Lips were, of course, L7 with prosthetic vulvas down their leggings. Nowadays most regular folk know L7's Shitlist as "that song from Natural Born Killers", but between 1992 and 1994 Shitlist was known as "that song from Pet Semetary Two." Edward Furlong was that movie's star and it was him who suggested Shitlist for that particularly horrible scene. What a little sicko eh? Plot twist: John Connor was the real villain in Terminator 2. Come back, T-1000 - all is forgiven!
Deviosy ft. Young Jr - GlockLover
(From GlockLover single; 2022)
Mob Figaz meets Mobb Deep vibez on this single by one of the Bird Walk guy's sidekicks & the Bird Walk guy himself. Mob Figaz because it sounds like it could be from a 4th installment of the Mob Trial compilation series, Mobb Deep because the song's topic is Gun Love. Gonna use this one as the B-Side to Bird Walk because it's a good opportunity to post that song again for doz that slept. What I really really want out of random NorCal Rap is anthems which give me the same feeling I got when I first heard No Hoe. Much like Big Tymin', Bird Walk gave me ALL the feels with a New Orleans twist.
Young Jr - Bird Walk
(From Bird Walk single; 2022)
NorCal Rap with a Michigan influence? Despicable. NorCal Rap with a New Orleans influence? Sensational.
"I grew up on the ghetto streets of California
Where turf wars result in brew poured on corners
For fallen soldiers who died on the front line
N*ggas sellin' flake tryna shake the one time
State convictions, dank addictions
N*ggas gettin' drunk just to shake the tension
The Golden State, pretty girls at the beach
They think we all livin' like Robyn Leech
But sunny California ain't all that handsome
Ballers get kidnapped and held for ransom
New born babies gettin' found in alleys
And the biggest gangs originate in Cali'
Lil' girls havin' kids at age 14
Baseheads havin' kids come out dope fiends
And crooked cops might tap datazz
So if you get pulled over you might have to blast
'Cause n*ggas never win when they go to trial
This Killafornia life got us homicidal
Or suicidal, take your pick
Whatever you pick, you gon' take a trip
To jail or Hell and which one's worse?
That Grey Goose or that black hearse
I tell you homeboy, Ima true blue playa
But sometimes I wish I would have grew up a square
'Cause ain't no tellin' when you might get smoked
Or stuck like Chuck in jail sayin' it shoulda been mo'..."
Mac Dre - Shoulda Been Mo (O.G version)
(From The Musical Life Of Mac Dre Vol. 3 - Young Black Brotha Years: 1996-1998 album; 2013)
Why didn't the O.G version of Shoulda Been Mo see the light of Dre Day until 2013? It's way better than the version on Khayree's Constant Drama compilation or the version on the Do You Remember? remix album innit. As far as West Coast gangsta-rap with Real Instruments™ went, Khayree & Steve "Silver" Scales were definitely going toe-to-toe with DJ Quik & Robert Bacon in the 90s. That 3rd verse quoted up top tells a colonial cracka like me more about AmeriKKKa than a billion Talib Kweli songs.
It's up north, Jim, but not as Black Rob knew it. God bless Rap music and its constant ability to surprise me - never would have expected that a Mancunian Drill version of Lady Leshurr would be something I'd enjoy, but Up North is right up my road. Maybe Lady Ice will do an EP with Berner like that Tunde breh from Manchester? Surprisingly, the Mancs seem to love NorCal Rap - that Jordan cracka says Mozzy is his favourite rapper ever.
Things done changed when Mancunian birds now support Citeh rather than United. Some things never change though, like my United supporter m8s Tomo and Hughesy who are once again "too busy to keep track of the football" this season.
Philly Club Rap which kinda sounds like Chicago Bop? As The High & Mighty nearly said, that's a pleasant surprise like seeing unshaven pussy right in front of your eyes. Oochie Coochie might be the catchiest chorus of 2022 - a hook so horny it'd make Max B proud (2Rare even talks like Max when he says "I'm tryna hit you too, I got the wave right now and you keep tryna make me be the one to cuff you" to his bird on the phone.) At 1:14 Oochie Coochie is more like an intro than an anthem, but I ain't mad at it in this instance.
... who am I tryna fool? Nah, I'm mad. Oochie Coochie coulda/woulda/shoulda been a 5 Star General choon if it were longer. Not only is a 1:14 Rap song musically unsatisfying to me, it's also functionally impractical: how am I supposed to listen to this shit in the car and keep my eyes on the road when I've gotta fiddle around to rewind the song every 74 seconds? The unfortunate thing with a lot of these zoomer rappers is that they make music for TikTok instead of making music for cars. You know what's really annoying though? None of 2Rare's other songs are this short, but none of them are anywhere near as good as Oochie Coochie. Flippin' typical innit?
In theory, 2Rare could solve Oochie Coochie's problem by recording a 2nd verse for an extended mix. In reality, extended mixes usually end up creating more problems where the new verses either sound like awkward ProTooled attachments or use a different flow which ends up debunking the original song's charms. Life is... too short, and so is this song. Guess I'm just gonna have to accept that.
I walked into the supermarket last night Prince's pre-millenium party anthem was playing. I took this as a sign of divine inspiration that I should make a post about some 1999 Rap songs which are personal classic choonz. I'm a blogger not an entertainer, my brain is a receiver not a generator.
Problem Child - When She Hears This Tape
(From The Khayree Sessions Volume 1 compilation; 1999)
As a Khayree protégé who liked to talk supreme shit about the fairer sex, Problem Child was like The Mac reincarnated. I've only heard snippets from Problem Child's one and only album, but it doesn't sound like there's anything on there which mollywhops as hard as this song. Soak Some Dope levels of Vallejo molasses mob music with an expertly used Mac Mall vocal sample.
Missin' Linx - What It Is
(From Exhibit A EP; 1999)
The second Missin' Linx track with Necro behind the boards also happens to be the only Necro production you can hum along to. Sometimes all you need is some New York M.C shit over a beat which has you playing air-bass like you're the fella from Level 42. Shit is off the Rick James and me & this song go back like dookie thick chains since the age of 15.
Jiggs & Cheeks - Hustle Till I Die
(From The Don album; 1999)
The best song from Chicago's Jiggs & Cheeks' only album had legit hit potential and was begging for a remix with Twista. Pretty unique sound on this one: double-tracked Midwestern street jiggy shit which is best described as Do Or Diddy. Love it when they let the beat ride out at the end.
(Full disclosure: this was supposed to be another Quinary Of Quality playlist, but Audiomack wouldn't let me upload Slick Rick's I Sparkle and Ugly Duckling's Fresh Mode. Marty was outgunned, what is the outcome? The DMCA did me like Malcolm.)
The AssHole kid is still making music, huh? Only the Bay Area could repurpose some replayed chords from a TM88 production for a spot of gentle giggin'. That all sounds very complicated, but this song is simply very catchy. No trendy Atlanta bandwagon hopping going on here, though - Ballin' sounds like it should be in constant rotation on Siccness.net radio and Mike Sherm looks like Manboy from Snowfall. How California is that?
Say what you want about Snowfall, but it's the only TV show I've ever seen to feature songs by Newcleus, Funky 4 + 1, Spoonie Gee (twice!), Sexual Harrassment, Unknown DJ, Egyptian Lover, Harlem World Crew, Whodini, and Just Ice. Potentially, it's the only TV show which might feature Mac Dre's Too Hard For The F*ckin' Radio in a future episode.
Texas Boyz - Awready
(From Digital Playaz EP; 2022)
I presume Awready by Texas Boyz is a budding viral hit because it's been regularly popping up in random Instagram stories for the past month or so. Big grower tune for me where the "EUREKA!" moment came when I realised it sounds like Z Money & Bandman Kevo if they were signed to Swisha House Records. 281-330-8004, hit Texas Boyz up on the low because Texas Boyz caught Mike Jones' holy ghost.
Bonus Beats:Know What I'm Saying was my jam from Mike Jones' first album. Evidently Max B agreed with me because he beatjacked it for one of the highlights of Public Domain (The Prequel).
Max B - Have U Seen Her?
(From Public Domain (The Prequel) mixtape; 2007)
Tony Touch ft. Doo Wop & Pain In Da Ass - The Return Of The Diaz Brothers
(From The Piece Maker compilation; 2000)
Tony Touch & Doo Wop were tighter than Carlito & Lalin, nah mean? Here at The Martorialist we've got a lotta lotta love for the second single from Tony's first compilation. On The Return Of The Diaz Brothers Tony & Wop were like a rapping DJ version of The Beatnuts who let Pain In Da Ass deliver his greatest Tony Montana ad libbing on a song. Tommy Boy Records clearly gave Tony a budget with oodles of 0's to be able to sample Salsation and to shoot a fancy video in Miami featuring Angel "Chi Chi from Scarface" Salazar. Plus, it was a return of The Diaz Brothers foreal foreal because they were the second Hip-Hop duo to adopt the moniker of those infamous characters from Scarface folklore.
Bonus boricua beats: just like Carlito's barrio, the video for Homeboy Sandman's Enough ya no existe since he threw a hissy fit and deleted his YouTube account last year. Fortunately it reappeared on his VEVO page a few days ago and I do mean fortunately because it's such a funny little no-budget video with Sandman, J-Live & Kurious all unintentionally dressed like uncles as they rhyme each other's verses. In theory, a song built on a drumless acoustic folk guitar sample should be earbola to me; in reality, it was the first Homeboy Sandman song to catch my ear back in 2014 - some EZ-Elpee Listening type shit.
When he's not reactivating banned Instagram accounts for the likes of Boosie, NBA Youngboy, WNC Whop Bezzy and OMB Peezy, Eatem is out here making some of the best Baton Rouge Rap music of recent times. For doz who've slept: Eatem looks like Percy Tragedy and makes fun rowdy southern anthems in the vein of Treal Lee & Prince Rick. He fits into the current Rap game as Baton Rouge's equivalent of Duke Deuce, but with different angles to his bangers like triangle isosceles. I woke up screaming "FORK THE WORLD" and decided to compile my favourite Eatem singles into a playlist, starting with 2016's Trophy and ending with his latest single Magical. Life is a Big Mac and bloggas come up and say "you did that?" So, chow down with me - everybody eats, B.
~~ Eatem's Greatest Pressure ~~
1. Trophy (2016)
2. Get The Roid (2016)
3. Side N*gga (ft. Spitta) (2018)
4. Whoop Sum (2019)
5. Hit Da Drank Twice (ft. Lil' Larry) (2019)
6. Spent It All (2019)
7. Wats Wrong With Em (2020)
8. Go Get Yo F*ckin' Brotha (2021)
9. Cup Of Tea (2021)
10. Lil' Phat Flow (2022)
11. Magical (ft. BR Cowboy) (2022)
All original songs except for his Hit The Quan beatjack Get The Roid which should be recognised as the official version IMHO. You don't rework, you don't eat.
