"I'm fucked up in the head, been like this since an early age
I be clean as a bitch, but I got some dirty ways
Fuck 30 pair of shoes, bitch, I got 30 plays"
70th Street Carlos - Change On Me
(From YouTube; 2018)
Toto, I've got a feeling we're not on 70th Street anymore. This one's a bit different than the teaser snippet suggested innit? To paraphrase The Alliance, I Gotta Get Used To This.
Never forget the GHOST RIDE THE WHIP (totally sweet) video is now 8 years old! Moral of the story? Anything Brian Harvey could do, America could do one better:
Shout outs to Rey for posting a 2014 Bay deep cut which proves that ghostriding accidents are still commonplace in Oakland. Speaking of 2014 Bay deep cuts, this new joint by Chip$ & Nikatine from the NhT Boyz I just noticed in my Thizzler feed is a well-timed reminder that Chip$ is one of the only rappers who's ever made the #Hashtag flow sound appealing:
TK ft. Chip$ Black & Nikatine - My Bitch
(From Thizzler; 2014)
OH MAH GAWD, KING! The blawg overlawd FrankieThaLuckyDog just went thermonuclear on the Rap-internet and announced his retirement from the mixtape and (possibly?) blogging game. Peep the outro from Frankie's latest and final mixtape for 2013's most eviscerating monologue; "TALK TO 'EM, 'PAC!"
Dook throws the baby out with the bath water by calling out Baton Rouge rappers for being too cheap to pay him $20 to book spots on his Louisiana Archives mixtapes before launching into a tirade which takes in the luh he's spread, the amount of unwarranted likes Mista Cain gets on Facebook, his current preference for Gunplay & 2 Chainz over any rappers from Louisiana, Baton Rouge artists not travelling to see him in Philadelphia, and rappers who fuck up their careers by becoming fathers too early!
Never forget Frankie has been writing about Kevin Gates for at least 4 years, before casting your attention to Gates' Wikipedia page where you'll notice that hack-savant rapist-apologist Brendan Soderberg frantically editing the career section to make it appear as if his SPIN coverage in 2013 was responsible for Gates blowing up. Obviously we're not ones to gossip or shit stir here at The Martorialist, but even (former?) SPIN editor Chris Weingarten finds Soderberg's weaselly actions on this matter nauseatingly hilarious.
AKA Canada's answer to those unholy noises the poor neighborhood moggy made when Dutch strangled it to death in The Shield meets that abysmal drag queen performance-artist rapper SPIN Magazine have been unsuccessfully trying to push for the past year in one starfucking manchild who got his own twin brother addicted to crack. Mindbender will either put you off tranny prostitutes for life or inspire you to move to Toronto and make him your beard, so you'll finally get some closure on this sensitive issue whatever the outcome, bruv :
I understand you probably don't want to have to discuss your private sexual urges with an insincere 40 year old who wears Vans snapback & The Hundreds t-shirts like Ebro live on public radio again so please remember one very important fact should you decide to pursue Mindbender's services, Mister Cee: in a Canadian space tranny's mouth no one can hear you bust your milk bags.
Props to Big Ty; the greatest Canuck since Trish Stratus.
Your listening recommendations might be deep in this game but you got the finer details of east coast Rap missin' :
Yes, you read that correct : Termanology has two - fucking two! - compilation albums called Cameo King! All those other-people's-songs that Term' the worm came through in his oversized fitted + 3/4 jhorts and then blessed with his track-transforming vocals obviously couldn't fit on one album.
Eat 7000 wee-wees and die! Y'all rappers on the internet are as friendly as a box of puppies. If Pimp C was still alive in 2012, y'all social media accounts wouldn't exist! True story, don't quote me - I gotit from Tom & Tila Tequila!
WHY??.....
Current mood:accomplished
EVERYBODY WANA KNOW WHY IM RIDIN ON SOME OF THESE PUSSY RAP NIGGAZ ? EVERY SONG I MAKE NIGGAZ CALLING IT A DIS SONG!!!!!! NEWS FLASH..... WHEN I REALY START RIDIN ON NIGGAZ IM GONA SAY THEY NAMES! I DONT PLAY NO GAMES WIT BITCH MADE MTHFKAZ! NIGGAZ N THIS RAP SHIT 85% FAKE AND FRAWD! NIGGAZ GOT MAD N ATL BUT MOST OF THEM PUSSY NIGGAZ AINT EVEN FROM ATL! YALL MOVED 2 ATLANTA BITCH! THE REAL ATL NIGGAZ KNOW ME! I GOT RESPECT 4 THE REAL BUT FUCK U INTERNET UTUBE STUDIO FAKE DRUG SELLING CHANGE YO SET EVERY YEAR ASS NIGGAZ! REAL TRILL NIGGAZ IS TIRED OF THEM BITCHIZ AND IM THE ONLY ONE THAT HAD THE NUTZ 2 SAY IT AND THE MOUTHPEACE 2 BACK IT UP!!!!!!!!!! AND 2 THEM NIGGAZ THAT SAY I AINT REALY PIMPIN!!! ASK YO BITCH IF IM PIMPIN NIGGA! I CAN TAKE A NIGGA HOE THRU A CAR STEREO SPEAKER NIGGA! 2 EVERYBODY RIDIN WIT ME LUV CHUUUUUCH! 2 THE ONEZ THAT AINT! PICTURE ME ROLLIN LIKE PAC(RIP)! KEEP THROWIN SALT ON ME! THATZ SEASONING 2 A STEAK!
PUSSY ASS NIGGAZ
I GOT A HOE ASS NIGGA PLAYIN ON MY PHONE! HIS # IS 214 462 0263! IN YALL FREE TIME I WANT ALL MY PEOPLE 2 CALL THIS BITCH NON STOP AND TELL HIM WHAT YALL THINK BOUT HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUNKY BITCHIZ
ALL U FUNKY HOEZ AKTING LIKE U KNOW ME POSTING ALL THAT PUSSY SHIT CAN EAT MY DICK! U HOEZ DONT KNOW ME SO STOP PLAYIN LIKE U DO! IF U DID KNOW ME U WOULDNT BE PLAYING ON MYSPACE WIT YO FINGERZ! U WOULD BE GETTING SOME MONEY AND STAYIN BUSTER FREE! MY DICK AINT FREE! MY TIME IS MONEY AND ALL FUNKY COCK HOEZ NEED 2 GET A JOB AND GET OFF THE POLE DANCING 4 DOLLAR BILLS! IF U A RESPECTABLE PERSON WHO HANDLE THEY BIZ AND TAKE CARE OF YO BIZ AND KIDZ U LAPHING AND LUVING THIS BLOG! IF U MAD U THE ONE IM TALKIN BOUT BITCH!!!!!! CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH!!!!!!!!!! BY THE WAY THIS IS PIMP CHAD aka PIMP C OF UGK bka SWEET JONES! NEW NAME MACKEAL JORDAN 223 N CASE U GOT IT TWISTED! SAY WHAT U WANT JUST SPELL MY NAME RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! AND THE NEW ALBUM IS PLATNUM! THANK YALL WHO GOT THE REAL AND IF U GOT THE BOOTLEG U AINT PLAY NOBODY BUT YOSELF CUZ I BOOTLEG MY OWN SHIT!!!!!!!!!! CANT BEAT EM JOIN EM! TABANAKLE! PREACH! SANKUWARY! AINT IT MAN??????????????????
Given that it's being treated with the reverence of a new Fight The Power or A Bird In The Hand, it certainly appears that way, yes. There are a helluva lotta disingenuous motherfuckers out there at the moment because Reagan doesn't really do anything Wise Intelligent's entirely less-celebrated A Genocide didn't already do more creatively five years ago, except use the backing track of a critic-baiting peckerwood producer and cheat by clumsily hammering its point home with snippets of Ronald Reagan's dialogue. The dialogue trick might have worked for Killer Mike before with those Charlie Manson samples on Belly Of The Beast, but on Reagan the complete lack of subtlety is startling and it affords the song the replay value of an Immortal Technique interlude about how American Airlines Flight 11 and United Airlines Flight 175 were actually secrete missles fired at the twin towers by Halliburton H.Q. Such an overwhelmingly positive critical response to a song so flawed and ultimately average only confirms my suspicion that some of you heathens will sweat any ol' merely half-decent Rap shit if it happens to mention Oliver North.
For the love of Rap, someone please put a couple of bullets in El-P's hands before he manages to get his claws into Danny Brown's next album and consequently ruins it.
So let's just get this straight here : Boosie isn't allowed to use a computer to record new music in prison, but a homicidal teenage hit man like Marlo Mike is free to post on Facebook and advertise his admiration for Ashton Kutcher and Christiano Ronaldo? This is why Zuckerberg will never be as loved as Tom from MySpace.
Speaking of Trill Ent. recording artistes, thought I'd throw up the MP3 ofLil' Phat's latest video single Countin' Money since it appeared on a recent Trap-A-Holics mixtape and hasn't made its way to the 'net as a loosie yet. As I type this, I'm preparing to contact Gawker to see if they'll commission me to write a 20, 000 word article on Lil' Phat and his uncanny resemblance to what a Special Needs version of Trugoy would probably look like :
Hecky thump, so what was $tarlito's most grandiose April Fools prank yesterday then : the $100 price tag on Bandcamp for the new album or the state of the production on an album we're now supposed to shell out 5 bones of our hard earned money for? To avoid ending up with egg on your face on April 2nd all you really need to cop from Mental WARfare is Burn One's Substitute and title track, the Coop produced 15, and this Lil' Keis banguh :
$tarlito - Live From The Kitchen (From Mental WARfare album; 2012)
For anyone not keeping score, the best songs from the last couple of 'lito albums have also been produced by Lil' Keis or Coop, while his collaborations with Burn One seem to be generating fewer and fewer keepers per album nowadays. A damn shame when they were probably the best rapper-producer duo of 2010, and 2011 saw Burn One waste a wealth of great beats on overrated nuisances like A$AP Rocky and Alley Boy, and his own stable of Joe The Rapper everymen like Scotty and KD.
So, the subject of the day is Burn One beats that you wish he'd have lavished on $tarlito; a topic which must always begin with Bury Me Alive and Lord Have Mercy, right?
"Human methadone, now leave me the eff alone I take your bitch and eff her dome, it's me they wishin' death upon!"
Gunplay ft. Triple C's - Low Life (From Bogota Rich : The Prequel mixtape; 2012)
Best hitherto unleaked song on the 'tape by the length of one of his very own Predator dreadlocks. Although Gunplay is clearly having difficulty deciding what he's the homosapien equivalent of on this 'tape, Low Life is almost certainly the conclusion of the Razor Ramon restaurant vignette in audio form :
3 great Rap paradoxes - 2pac having the cojones to call Dre a poof for his World Class Wrecking Crew outfits in the mid 80s when he'd posed in a studded leather vest for the All Eyez On Me CD booklet a few months earlier; Pastor Troy warning some unrefined wench not to smoke near his $3000 coat moments after threatening to bust glocks in the crowded V.I.P section of one of ATL's finest nightspots on Fuck The Club Up; the sheer glut of Rap released in february yielding so few gems.
And so March reared its head yesterday and with it comes a new Gunplay joint which has officially just saved Rap music in 2012 :
Gunplay - Jump Out (From Bogota Rich : The Prequel mixtape; 2012)
By my calculations, Jump Out has barely been out 5 hours and yet it's already poised to be the new Stick 'Em by 1:00 PM GMT. I'd gladly trade the careers of the entire Black Hippy collective for a remix of Slim Dunkin's I Gotta Eat with an unreleased Dunk verse where he doesn't shoot somebody's dog and a Gunplay cameo for the 2nd verse where he refers to himself as the one man 9/11.
Presenting our latest fascinating saltine specimen in the field of rowdy T-Bo-esque bad azz white boy Gangsta-Rappers - CWhite from the Duffle Bag Boyz, who looks like a whigged-out Faces-Of-Meth Axl Rose and sounds like Boosie's pre-pubescent Rapping daughter Iviona :
Duffle Bag Boyz - O.V.A (From Youtube; 2011)
I'm always suspicious when black Rappers claim they grew up with a token peckerwood in their crew who they call the N-word every time the latest cracka-Rapper du jour gets caught dropping N-bombs, but, I 'unno, I guess dudes might not be bullshitting, huh? Actual black ppl who read this blog : do you have such a character in the ranks of your Bro list?
He may have lost out on the Tony Montana beat to King Louie, but $tarlito has been on his MF DOOM shit in 2011, adding to his collection of the skulls and spines like Predator with the beats from Ellen Degeneras, Tupac Back and the Alley Boy/Jeezy/Yo Gotti posse track Four for his latest video clip :
This is all over DGB and Traps N Trunks already, so, other than 'lito being my current favourite gangly Rapper, my main reason for adding to the labyrinth pile-up is that the video features the best use of a parking garage since Slim Dunkin's Blindsided and its milieu has reminded me that this place still gets at least 2 hits a day via people searching the term "did Slim Dunkin's get his kid back after he was kidnapped?"
"Somebody talk to homie, tell 'em I don't play ball you fuckin' with them Saratoga hackers off St. Marks cheese n*gga mad 'cause he went A.W.O.L but first family is Fif's la familia all day y'all.."
M.O.P - I'll Whip Ya Head Boy remix (From various mixtapes; 2006)
Not only was M.O.P's I'll Whip Ya Head Boy remix the henchest chair-breaker of a joint to emerge from their fleeting stay in the G-Unit Records HQ broom cupboard, but it also chucks us in right at the deep end of the AZ vs. G-Unit fracas with Lil' Fame playing the Tru-Life to 50 Cent's Jay-Z by pitching threats back in the direction of AZ after Nas' former BFF responded to 50's "if I put out bullshit joints like AZ, every chance n*ggas get they'd try and play me" dis on What If with Royal Salute :
50 Cent - What If (From Get Rich Or Die Tryin' OST; 2005)
AZ - Royal Salute (From various mixtapes/bonus track on The Format; 2006)
And that was fair enough really since Fame and Billy had to earn their keep at G-Unit somehow when there was more chance of 50 & Ashanti recording a Best Of Both Worlds duets album together than Interscope ever releasing a Mash Out Posse album, but the I'll Whip Ya Head Boy remix charters into queer how'd-you-do territory when you consider that Fame actually produced a song on AZ's A.W.O.L album and then went on to produce another 3 songs on its follow-up The Format including the Sit 'Em Back Slow banger he and Danze blessed with their presence, when only 6 months earlier he was warning AZ his "ass would get popped with a hot one" should he mention 50's name again :
AZ ft. M.O.P - Sit 'Em Back Slow (From The Format; 2006)
The general assumption that 50's initial dis to AZ on What If was little more than a throwaway instance of douchebaggery because AZ happens to rhyme with Jay-Z and Baby might be accepted elsewhere, but any mention of such a theory in this post will be greeted with the sound of the Family Fortunes wrong answer noise. The line was actually a riposte to the intro to A.W.O.L's title track where AZ's chief-hideous Gucci sneaker carrier Animal delivers a sermon paying tribute to AZ for his no-frills approach to N.Y rap classicism and subliminally zings 50 and G-Unit's other latest edition to their roster Ma$e as "bitch ass n*ggas crying, retiring and comin' back; findin' God and comin' back; gettin' shot and comin' back; doin' mixtapes and comin' back..." :
AZ - A.W.O.L (From A.W.O.L; 2005)
It's a pity Ma$on didn't follow M.O.P's lead in jacking 50 songs from the Get Rich Or Die Tryin' soundtrack to reimagine as AZ dis tracks, because a Ma$e take on Window Shopper could've scaled the lofty heights of his 1997/1998 apex of arrogance. His only comeback joint to do just that, of course, was We Gon' Make It Right with none other than a certain rapper from Brooklyn whose namesake is a member of MobStyle :
Ma$e ft. AZ - We Gon' Make It Right (From DJ Sickamore's Hood Radio V. 2 mixtape; 2005)
This beef might not have resulted in anything as entertaining as the story of Game breaking into the grounds of 50's mansion to steal a basketball hoop to wear as a necklace or prompted a dis track as venomous as the I Run N.Y freestyle where Yayo brought the pwn with such quotables as "my money longer than yours, call your recruits/The Lox made more money in them damn shiny suits", "Styles and Sheek Louch went double plastic/Yayo, Buck and Banks is puttin' out classics" and "100 shots, 100 clips - you ready to die?/Fat Joe ain't a gangsta, you scared to fly" before 50 proceeded to unleash a torrent of ad libbed shit-talking and spot-blowing, but, hey, at least it gave us a handful of good songs and some toadying behaviour by Fame to impress his new employer, and sometimes that'll suffice just nicely instead, right?
"Marlo Mike, bitch, and I'm insane in the brain bust a n*gga ass when they fuck with Bad Azz do it on love, I don't need no green straight kill a n*gga, I ain't nothin' but fifteen"
- From the weed carrier-gala that is Boosie & his hired help's take on Soulja Slim & Ms. Peaches' Bossman; even the lackey who ironed Boosie's jeans for him got to rap on this one :
Lil' Boosie ft. Marlo Mike & a plethora of goons - Boss Man (From Bad Man mixtape; 2009)
You lot didn't go nearly as gooey over So Slow by Don Trip, $tarlito & Yo Gotti as I'd have liked, so I've had to nip down to the rap blogosphere's sickbay tonight and ask its resident nurses (Tara Henley and that girl from Texas who used to be up in the CB comment section) to zap some life back into the song's flatlining carcass with their defibrillator because this shit goes harder in the paint than the Jill Masterson chick in Goldfinger after Oddjob gave her a coat of Dulux :
Don Trip ft. $tarlito & Yo Gotti - So Slow
(From some mixtape or other; 2011)
I just can't muster up the enthusiasm to give Don Trip a fair shake as a solo artist since I've got a hunch his caps-lock RAPPIN' WITH SO MUCH EMPHASISSSSSSS would drive me nuts were it not surrounded by some good ol' fashioned Tennessee gangsta-rappers, but he's great at playing the role of Dennis Hopper to $tarlito's James Dean on their songs as a duo, and when Yo Gotti lends the song his services in the form of a cameo verse and the last portion of the hook then we have august's best non-Brick Squad trap joint.
Back in 2006 my IRL BFF who's probably the biggest Lloyd Banks fan on the planet swore by Gotti's Back 2 Da Basics album and the first Cocaine Muzik mixtape, but his Toys R Us Jeezy stylings at that point weren't really tickling my fancy besides the odd tune like this masterpiece. Maybe it's because there's a deep obsidian blackness pouring through my saltine soul where regular new music from Boosie once was, or perhaps it's because Gotti's quietly flourished when many of his one-time peers now find themselves in the same sinking major label ship as The Game, but his recent 3 mixtapes from Cocaine Muzik 4.5 onwards have been really floating my boat over the past year. Recording with $tarlito has clarly rubbed off on him because he's developed this fantastic drawl which always seems to prolong exactly the most pleasing word or syllable, and, while the former Ted Turner of trappin' has had a batting average of 2 good songs a year since 2009 now, Gotti's become incredibly sufficient at knocking out 6 or 7 quite brilliant trap-rap 101 bangers per 'tape, as well as the odd genuinely great pop record which could/should probably be a national hit if rap radio wasn't such an utter shambles nowadays :
Yo Gotti ft. Stuey Rock - Single
(From Live From The Kitchen; 2011?)
Waka bumps into a multi-ethnic crew of teenage skaters in Manhattan and then takes them to a skate shop and cops them all new boards :
Notable because, as the Palace Gangbanging at Ground Zero video proved, there really is no better modern soundtrack to skate clips than Waka, and because these young 'uns probably got more cash out of him in one afternoon than the Dipset skate team got out of Jim Jones in three years.
Crap skate/rap puns, anyone?
Tonz 'O' Gonz The Search For Animal Chingy Get Rowley Luck Of Lucien Clarke Video Dayz Of Wayback Ced Gee (Perelta Force One) Bones Brigade, Thugs & Harmony Harold Husalah Shorty's Kaught In The System Paid Tha Koston To Be Da Boss Gleaming The Ice Cube
I'd been gagging for a piece of Deep End by Jerzy Skolimowski for years, so finally getting to behold it on the big screen when the movie was awarded a brief cinema re-release last month after the relative success of Skolimowski's latest picture Essential Killing was a mildly orgasmic experience, and for it to live up to its hype as one of the most lurid films about the mania of desire you'll ever see is refreshing after similar incidents when my expectations weren't quite matched. It's out on DVD/Blu-ray next month but they've only gone and plumped for this cover when I was hoping they'd use the infamous American poster and finally remove the cumbersome RESTRICTED banner so we could savour it as originally intended :
See, rap dudes - it's not just mixtape joints which suffer from obtrusive tagging but movie posters too, so I was hoping this'd be the cinematic equivalent of the time when Boosie & Webbie's classic Long Journey from the Superbad.. The Return Of Mr. Wipe Me Down mixtape turned up in CDQ minus all the DJ sound-FX on Boosie's Incarcerated album last year for its DVD release, but, alas, it's not to be, c'est la vie, c'est la vie. Hey, since your screen is currently awash with tenuous links between vintage European movies and regional gangsta-rappers with yelping voices, am I totally bugging here or does DB Tha General go in over some of the scoring from Godard's Alphaville on Upgrade 'Em 2 at 4:16 in that King Of Oakland promo movie for his new album? :
If so, I won't go as far as saying I Did That exactly, but who was it that suggested Bay Area rappers should take the unprecedented move of getting busy over classic European arthouse cinema soundtracks last summer? Oh, that's right, it was your man right chea - Mr. Aguirre, Wrath Of Blog.
I'm doing my damnedest to try and parse the concept behind the Wise Intelligent Iz The Unconkable Djezuz Djonez album after copping it off Amazon a couple of evenings ago (thanks for the tip-off CritiQ) but I can't help feeling like Nas did the time he hung up on Krs One as the T-Cha was trying to persuade him to talk to astronauts at NASA. Maybe it's less impenetrable for black ppl than a peckerwood like me, and, yeah, I've deduced that Wise is presenting himself as a demigod delivering gospels to the needy, but wtf does ‘unconkable’ mean and would a true divine being really use the poor man's EMF as his namesake?
A delusional martyr-complex, cliched political sloganeering, erroneous theories bordering on sheer codswallop, and displaying seemingly conflicting viewpoints within the same bar are the bread & butter of such personal bete noire rappers as Immortal Technique and Saigon (or, at least, 90% of Saigon's output), but Wise has always managed to deploy the same tactics successfully without tumbling into into the po-faced conscious-rapper trap. This is because Wise was borne out of the era which gave us Brand Nubian's One For All as the blueprint for what the next wave of Five Percenter conscious-rappers should adhere to : you can be a great righteous rapper, you just have to teach the lessons of The Nation of Gods and Earths with eccentric panache in a variety of acrobatic voices which range from your own dulcet tones to cod-Jamaican rudeboy to Dickensian chimney-sweep, and spray a little arrogance like Rick "The Model" Martel as you're doing so.
Wise Intelligent - Water Walker (2010)
After four front-to-back plays I'm still at a loss whether I even like the album, let alone if it's a worthy follow up to his underrated 2006 sophomore effort The Talented Timothy Taylor. For now, the only definite conclusions I can draw are that it's his most brash work to date in every department with the production ranging from bombastic to almost trunk-rattling, and that I'm happy to finally have an MP3 of last year's viral video single Water Walker so I no longer have to watch its promo clip with dudes spraypainting walls in it any time I wanna jam it and marvel that Wise is making the exact sort of rap he should be in 2011, that's thankfully closer to recent Witchdoctor than the Nas & Damian Marley album of Glastonbury dance tent fare. What's the point in graffiti anyway if it's not by Kase 2 or it's not obscene toilet wall scrawlings about the barmaid from your local pub?
