Congratulations to tpp

You on the continent and I ain't the type to write a postcard, but just know you dropped my favourite rap-pun of 2015. Bravo, lid.

When 2015 dies don't bury it in a suit, just play Freak Of The Week or House Every Weekend on the stroke of midnight in Havana's tonight and I'm smooth.

Generic list post: december 2015

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when a bunch of boring websites let a bunch of boring people to try and convince us that a couple of dullards like Jamie xx and Carly Rae Jepsen made the best music of 2015. Playin' catch-up on earlier 2015 gems I'd missed via other people's year-end lists so I ain't listen to much new rap this month, tbh.

Junglepussy - Bling Bling (2014)
Hott Headzz - Hmmm (2015)
Ezale - I Ain't Trippin' Off Nothin' (2015)
1WayFrank - JuggMan (2015)
Jidenna - Long Live The Chief (2015)
Jeremih - Pass Dat (2015)
The Voices Of East Harlem - Run, Shaker Life (1971)
Culture Club - Time (Clock Of The Heart) (1982)
Kwamz & Flava - Tonight (2015)

Other notables: I love 50 Cent like RZA & Kool G. Rap loved Cakes, but he had no business guesting on YG's I Wanna Benz; Kamaiyah's How Does It Feel goes downhill after the tropical mob music bass suddenly vanishes 18 seconds in so I dunno why everyone is jockin' it instead of the far superior Out The Bottle; the all-star remix of I Look Fly by Trill Youngins isn't as good as the Martorialist edit; Nef the Pharaoh's No Masturbation doesn't pull off the victory-lap concept song trick as well as YG's 2015 Flow did this time last year.

R.I.P Lemmy from Motörhead

When life gives you Lemmöns, make Limondade...

Reasons why I love YouTube part whatever

Funny how a video can sell you on a song you'd previously dismissed as merely aiight, innit? It was always gonna be an impossible task for Ezale to find original production which equals that of the Larry Smith and DJ Mustard classics he'd jacked in 2013, but the modest slap of I Ain't Trippin' Off Nothin' sounds so much more tremedo when paired with moving images of him in the midst of the worst comedown of his life before his mind rewinds back to the night before where he's Thizzfacing around the function like some Phunky Phat Graph-X-ized hybrid of Jackie Chain & Animal from The Muppets.

Ezale - I Ain't Trippin' Off Nothin'
(From YouTube; 2015)


Hold tight all the Oakland rappers tryna chirpse lasses who're more interested in meetin' Sage The Gemini.

Late pass!

Hott Headzz - Hmmm
(From YouTube; 2015)


A Chicago hit with 5 million views and counting ya host was oblivious to the existence of until Drake mentioned it as another example of 2015 viral-bait with bars on my post about Lil' Twon & Playa Gator's Bruh remix, Hmmm by Hott Headzz is what woulda happened if Hot Stylz remade Juvenile's Ha with lyrics about eatin' ass like a variety of edibles in the style of Lil' Herb & Lil' Bibby. These lads get a pass on actin' like rimmin' is still some shocking act of kinkiness, but rappers need to step their fetish game up in 2016 - go eat the placenta like groceries or go home.

Just sayin', bruv # 13

If there's one thing millennials have got right, it's their contempt for Star Wars. This is, after all, a mediocre franchise with one decent movie to its name which initially existed to sell toys to kids and only exists 37 years later to sell tie-in tat to '70s baby menchildren inflicting their childhoods on their own kids. Moreover, this is the franchise which single-handedly ended the wildest decade of American cinema and helped birth everything terrible about Hollywood post-1980: sequels, prequels, reboots, redubs, rejigs, movies that are composite sketches of other movies, movies by Kevin Smith.

There are, in fact, only 2 minor positives to emerge from the whole toxic debacle of Star Wars. The first is Carrie Fisher as an 80s equivalent of Liz Taylor in Cleopatra, the second is Max B saying "Luke I am your father!" as he mercilessly clowned Hell Rell & his mum on French Montana's Cokedog Millionaire DVD. The Wave >>>>> The Force:

Martorial elegance # 84

When Papoose has swapped his oversized fitted cap for a fedora you know the Drydick Rando-ification of rap music is officially underway. F**k a Hoop Dream, I am way under the brim:

Fat Joe walks up to Papoose and asks him "what's your favourite album of mine?" The perma-sullen faced Papoose mulls it over for 5 seconds and then replies "JLS One's Envy!"

Kiss of death like I'm Ernest Baker?

2015 was the year we first experienced just how disastrously a Drake cosign could backfire, but I ain't even mad at The Canadian for vanting to zuck Nef The Pharaoh's blood. Fangs ain't what they used to be in the music industry for yer budding regional stars, so if Count Drakula wants to take a bite out of Nefidelaphante then it's A-okay with me as long as Nef's music finds its way into more radio playlists and Aubrey Lugosi keeps his dulcet whines away from Big Tymin', Michael Jackson, and Come Pick Me Up.

Keep Drake's vocals away from Nef's grotty sex-jam Boss Me too - the world's an unpleasant enough place as it is right now without being subjected to bags of sand-raps from a bloke who drinks bags of milk.

Rap songs that aren't on YouTube but really should be # 15

Back in the 80s, Schoolly D recorded 3 separate songs all with the title Gangster Boogie: there's his middling electro-rap debut single from 1984, Gangster Boogie II from his mediocre 1988 LP Smoke Some Kill, and Gangster Boogie from his 1989 magnum opus Am I Black Enough For You?. Naturally it's the best song of the trilogy that you can't currently find on YouTube... or any other streaming service for that matter - them crackas still aren't playin' fair at Jive!

Schoolly D - Gangster Boogie
(From Am I Black Enough For You? album; 1989)


If Vine had existed in 1990, Gangster Boogie probably woulda been the soundtrack to hundreds of clips where people reenacted scenes from King Of New York. 1:03 to 1:29 gotta be a prime backing track for your best Jimmy Jump strut to.

Generic list post: 2015 late pass edition

Annual list of great rap songs I either discovered this year or finally had an epiphany with. Let's quickly gloss over the fact that I've paid money for MP3s by SPM and Big Lurch during the past 12 months and get to the geographical nitty gritty: northern California seems to have the most fruitful back catalogue in rap according to my current tastes, whilst the year's biggest surprise was finding a handful of gems hailing outta the tri-state area because I'd become stupid enough to think I'd heard every notable N.Y rap song made between 1979 and 2015; being proven wrong has never felt so right.

Rated X - Rated X Is 2 (1990)
Coolio (Da Unda Dogg) - Jackin' (1991)
Greyson & Jasun ft. Slick Rick - Get Bizzy (1991)
The Bomb Squad ft. Billy Loose Screws - Illegal Shit (1992)
Latino Velvet - Raza Park (1997)
AZ ft. Jermaine Dupri - Rock Me (Hey AZ So So Def Mix) (1998)
Jiggs & Cheeks - Hustle Til I Die (1999)
Tim Trees - Bank Roll (2000)
SPM ft. Baby Beesh - Oh My My (2000)
Slimm Calhoun - Characters (2001)
Rosco P. Coldchain - I Can't Help (2003)
N.O.R.E & Peedi Crakk - N*gga Rican (2004)
J.Stalin - Pop My Collar (2005)
Birdman - Neighborhood Superstars (2006)
Bailey & J. Valentine - Go Dumb (I'm Sprung Bay Area remix) (2006)
3 Deep - Say What I Wanna Say (2008)
HD Of Bearfaced - Payday (2010)
Alley Boy ft. Ty Dolla $ign - RNGM (2013)
Junglepussy - Bling Bling (2014)
Nef The Pharaoh - Bitch I'm From Vallejo (2014)
Fetty Wap ft. Monty - 679 (2014)

By my calculations, I discovered 8 songs from this list via people on the internet so you're my dawg 4 life if you were 1 of them.

Fanatic of the B-side

'Ave a load of Superfuture's WHAT DID YOU WEAR TODAY? thread incarnate Jidenna spittin' the most poignant menswear bars since Husalah said "they never seen 'em in real life, I live a real life" on Gear. Let a one hit wonder remain a one hit wonder, but it's only good manners that every Hi Hater should be allowed a Role Model to play its position in the trenches.

"Now They Say "Jidenna Why you Dressin' so Classic??"
I Don't Want My Best Dressed Day In A Casket"

Jidenna - Long Live The Chief
(From YouTube; 2015)


Someone suggest what MIMS' equivalent of Long Live The Chief/Role Model would be if such a song even exists.

Da Capo Best Movie Writing 2015

A little birdy tells me the reason A-Mafia only dropped one song in 2015 was because he was otherwise engaged cultivating a side-hustle as Harlem's foremost cineaste. It's ya boy A-Mafia AKA Armond Dat White!

Shout outs to the time A-Mafia really did link forces with Da Capo tho.

Obligatory best rap songs of 2015 post

What a weird year for rap 2015 was: everyone started dying to the point where it seemed like industry folk were becoming as endangered a demographic as WW2 veterans; Dr. Dre finally dropped a new album and it made zero impact out in the real world; Noisey got Migos arrested, and ironic Noisey content-fodder rappers like Yung Gleesh and Chippy Nonstop were either arrested for sexual assault or deported to Canada; the only legit DJ Mustard banger of 2015 came as a Beenie Man homage from a British duo who are the essentially Derek C & Derek D; a 19 year old from London somehow made the best dance record of the past 12 months.

The rap songs I've fuxwit most this year then. Usual year-end list rules apply: one song per artist and no order of preference. Blogged about the vast majority of these throughout the past 12 months so I've hyperlinked to my posts on them, and for the ones I haven't I've simply linked to the MP3 or the video. You can find MP3s of a fair few of them on the recent-ish jams 4 u compilations I've posted throughout 2015, as for the rest you'll have to keep your fingers crossed BiggieGeorges swings through the comments and blesses y'all with zipfiles again.

Favourite rap songs of 2015 which dropped right at the arse-end of 2014:

Shy Glizzy - Funeral
Fabolous - Lituation
Mr.2-17 ft. The Ratchets - This And That
5th Ward Weebie ft. Snoop & Juvenile - Let Me Find Out Pt 2
Wiz Khalifa - Smoke Chambers
Nebu Kiniza - Myself

Favourite rap songs of 2015:

Rae Sremmurd - This Could Be Us
Lil' Chris - Days Go Bye
Tiffini & Lil' Chris - Bad Lil' Chick (remix)
Rich Homie Quan - Daddy
Nef The Pharaoh - Big Tymin'
Corn ft. Nef The Pharaoh - Old School Hyphy
Dr. Yen Lo - Day 93
Kendrick Lamar - Alright
Honey Cocaine - Honeydick
Snoop & Pharrell Williams - R U A Freak
Warren G ft. Nate Dogg - My House
Kap G - Andelay
Kid Ink - Cheerleader (Salaam Remi remix)
Mozzy - Bladadah
Young Thug - Halftime
Kokane ft. Too $hort - Luvin' A Pimp
Lil' Bibby & Lil' Herb - Ain't Heard Bout You (Kill Shit Pt.2)
K Camp - Comfortable
A-Wax - EverLasting Money
Jidenna ft. Roman GianArthur - Classic Man
YG - Twist My Fingaz
RJ - If It Ain't Ace
Ty Money ft. Twista - Come Again
Meek Mill - Monster
Gunplay - White Bitch
The Jacka ft. Dru Down - For Real
Berner & The Jacka ft. Rydah J. Clyde - One Sound
Fetty Wap - RGF Island
Patman - LIT
BeatKing - Stopped (video version)
Audio Push - Normally
Stresmatic ft. Nef The Pharaoh & Mazerati Ricky - 2 Phones
French Montana ft. Chinx & N.O.R.E - Off The Rip
Chinx - How To Get Rich
Hardini - I'm Bick
Maine Musik - Social Media Gangsta
J.Stalin ft. L'Jay - Bye Felicia
Lil' Twon ft. Playa Gator - Bruh (remix)
Future - News Or Somethn
DonMonique - Pilates (Kendall, Kylie, Miley)
King Los ft. R. Kelly - Glory To The Lord
Paul Wall - Swangin' In The Rain
Missy Elliot ft. Pharrell - WTF (Where They From)
Vic Spencer & TREE - Once
Kamaiyah ft. Zay M - Out The Bottle
Flo Rida ft. Robin Thicke - I Don't Like It, I Love It
Bankroll Fresh ft. Travis Porter & Boochie - Walked In
Boosie Badazz - I'm Sorry
Mouse On Tha Track - Grass Greener

Related year end reading: the best non-rap songs of 2015.

Generic list post: best non-rap songs 2015

You probably couldn't give a flying f**k at a rolling donut what my favourite non-rap songs of 2015 are, but what's the use of even having a blog if I can't use it to inflict my taste on t'internet? I've heard half the songs in this list whilst out in bars on the U.K high street or at home whilst flipping through the music channels on Freeview, thus this was my favourite year for non-rap popular music since 2002 or somethin'. Also a good year for themes to John Carpenter movies he never got around to directing and themes to John Carpenter movies which he didn't actually direct.

David Zowie - House Every Weekend
Julio Bashmore ft. J'Danna - Rhythm Of Auld
Shift K3Y - Beep Beep
Craig David ft. Big Narstie - When The Bassline Drops
Nick Brewer ft. Bibi Bourelly - Talk To Me
Charli XCX ft. Rita Ora - Doing It
Spice - Needle Eye
Busy Signal - Text Message
Dexta Daps - 7 Eleven
Popcaan - Rifle Slap Round Deh
Shaggy ft. Maxi Priest & Super Cat - Night Flight
Shatta Wale - Hol' It
Kwamz & Flava - Fine Lady
Empire ft. Courtney Love - Walk Out On Me
Becky G - Lovin' So Hard
Jack Ü ft. Justin Bieber - Where Are Ü Now
Janet Jackson - No Sleeep (solo version)
Tinashe - Player (solo version)
Natalie La Rose ft. Jeremih - Somebody
Trey Songz ft. Ty Dolla $ign - Loving You
Ty Dolla $ign - Horses In The Stable
T-Pain ft. The-Dream & Vantrese - Let Your Hair Down
John Carpenter - Night
Diassterpeace - It Follows (Theme)

Kam'll blam blam 'em

Both Kamaiyah's Out The Bottle and Lil' Debbie's Break It Down play like woman's interpretations of the sound DB Tha General ran with in 2007, but one song succeeds because it's an ode to booze, whilst the other song fails because it's a love letter to zoots - can you guess which song is which??

Kamaiyah ft. Zay M - Out The Bottle
(From YouTube; 2015)


Kamaiyah has become internet-sexy recently, so props to ANU for being the first person I saw to identify Out The Bottle as a slap back in the autumn. "Teh goat digger alan lomax regional tastemaker ceo" strikes again!

Just sayin', bruv # 12

Yep, it's the return of the column with more Actual Facts than Fat Joe mock-playing a double bass.

To Pimp A Butterfly confirmed that Kendrick Lamar is just the highfalutin Kid Ink: a great singles artist from the west coast who's incapable of making a good LP.

Snoop & Pharrell's R U A Freak never becoming a single is one of the biggest musical tragedies of 2015 since it's essentially the legitimate 10/10 jam Sensual Seduction could have been if the latter weren't merely a backing track to Snoop's version of the Beastie Boys' Sabotage video.

Meek Mill won the beef with Drake. Sure, Back To Back had a few killer zingers, and Meek's response was possibly the worst dis record of this century thus far, but Meek still goes to bed with Nicki Minaj every night, whilst Drake still spends every day hanging out with Abu Hamface O'Brien.

The de facto coldest dis record of 2015 was that 2nd Tsunami Boyz track to Kehlani where they crudely held her stolen laptop to ransom over one of her unreleased songs from the aforementioned stolen laptop.

People are really out here lamenting that J.Cole guested on Jeremih's Planes instead of Chance The Rapper like Chance didn't do his damnedest to ruin Justin Bieber's Confident by yodeling manic "Mork calling Orson" impersonations all over the song's final third.

The whole Byrd Gang's in here like Scott Weiland was here

Don't mind me, just wanted to be the first person on the 'net to make that pun.

World's most dangerous professions: soldier, rapper, wrestler, stuntman, grunge singer.

Late pass!

"It's a full time job f*ckin' lovin' yaself"

Junglepussy - Bling Bling
(From Satisfaction Guaranteed album; 2014)


As an equal opportunity hater, ya host will alway relish those rap songs with an Anybody Can Get It ethos, and boy-oh-boy does Junglepussy take neeky bastards and needy bitches alike to the mud on Bling Bling. You know who REALLY needs takin' to the mud, though? Junglepussy's main producer Shy Guy who continually laces her with beats which sound like he copped 'em off the UGHH.com production board. Dude is only partially responsible for Bling Bling here, which probably goes a long way in explaining why the song slaps in places his own beats barely even tickle, and this Junglepussy bird deserves so much better than a producer who is the DJ Solar of kooky N.Y rap.

Generic list post: back to the ice grillz again 1.5

Another list of great rap songs by unfashionable New York rappers, this time consisting of tracks from the last 5 years. You can keep Hot N*gga and you can stick A$AP Rocky, A$AP Ferg, Action Bronson and Azealia Banks up your arse as far as they'll fit. Me, I've spent the past half-decade in the company of these tunes instead:

A.G - Infected (2010)
Black Rob - Up North, This Is What It Is (2010)
Mysonne - In Jail (2011)
Ike Eyes - Blue Roxies (2011)
A-Mafia - Story Of My Life (2012)
Troy Ave - I Know Why You Mad (2012)
AZ - We Movin' (2013)
Agallah ft. Roc Marciano - Blaze Of Glory (2013)
J-Zone - Crib Issues (2013)
Uncle Murda ft. Rocko - Wu Wuu Wuuu (2013)
Kurious Jorge - Best In The World (2014)
Homeboy Sandman ft. J. Live & Kurious Jorge - Enough (2014)
JuJu ft. Tragedy Khadafi - Thriller (2014)
Psycho Les ft. Royal Flush, Tragedy Khadafi & Illa Ghee - Thunder Bells (2014)
Fabolous - Lituation (2014)

Generic list post: november 2015

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Eazy-E's immune system was made to look even more weak AF and Hayden Panettiere revealed herself as America's most high-profile defector to eastern Europe since Edward Snowden.

Shy Glizzy ft. Boosie - Going Thru It (2015)
Lil' Chris - Gods Crying (2015)
Nef The Pharaoh - Come Pick Me Up (2015)
Nef The Pharaoh - Michael Jackson (2015)
The Jacka ft. Dru Down - For Real (2015)
Young Bleed - Make Um Dance (2015)
Lil' Twon ft. Playa Gator - Bruh (remix) (2015)
Missy Elliot ft. Pharrell - WTF (Where They From) (2015)
Ty Dolla $ign - Horses In The Stable (2015)
Lady Saw - Likkle Bit (2015)

Other notables: that Livewire track SE posted was some noughties maineyness in the best way possible; Auction by Puffy et al is one of those tunes I listened to on repeat the night it dropped but hasn't made it into my regular rotation yet; Trina's Fuck Boy was cool as far as 2015 Boyz N The Hood remakes go; alas Will Somebody Shut That PC N*gga Ass Up Already by Triggaboy Dee didn't live up to its title; Craig David & Big Narstie's When The Bassline Drops is destined to become a personal favourite when the CDQ-version drops.

PS - listen to my Spice playlist!

Mello-B

Hat tip to Jamie AKA Jimmy Case Dismissed for swingin' through my comments and blessin' me with this:

Lil' Twon ft. Playa Gator - Bruh (remix)
(From YouTube; 2015)


The essence of TKO Capone lives on in this Vinesploitation song with #bars and production which sounds like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star made outta Duck Hunt's intro screen muzik. Only info forthcoming about this one is that Lil' Twon's original Bruh song dates back to may 2014 and Twon reps Jackson Mississippi yet he's now signed to Slip-n-Slide Records. Possible opportunity to get Trina and Jacktown's O.G the godfather Mello-T on the same track for a bi-regional allstar remix? It's Mello-T from the BBC with Da Baddest B!

"I like to have a good time, so I attract the ladeez"

Young Bleed really out chea with a new video on VEVO that currently has less than 50 views and makes the infamously lo-fi Put Ya Stamp On It video look like it was shot on Percy Miller's dime in 1998. Don't shed no tears for an ageing near-platinum rapper now reduced to struggle-budgets, though, because Bleed is also really out chea with Puffy as his life coach judging from Make Um Dance's sentiment. Shit should be a minefield of forced-corniness, instead it's a chessboard of goofy charms where each move results in the sorta fun you'd never expect to find on a 2015 Young Bleed song.

Young Bleed - Make Um Dance
(From YouTube; 2015)

A recent-ish jams 4 u compilation volume 4

Another zipfile of recent favourite songs I've posted over the past few months. J Hus' Lean & Bop is included because it bodies any Yank dance record made in 2015 and you can't tell me shit to the contrary.

1. Patman - LIT (2015)
2. Lil' Chris - Gods Crying (2015)
3. J Hus ft. DoccyDocs - Lean & Bop (2015)
4. The Jacka ft. Dru Down - For Real (2015)
5. J.Stalin ft. L'Jay - Bye Felicia (2015)
6. Maine Musik - Social Media Gangsta (2015)
7. Chinx - How To Get Rich (2015)
8. Shy Glizzy ft. Boosie - Going Thru It (2015)
9. Stresmatic ft. Nef The Pharaoh & Mazerati Ricky - 2 Phones (2015)
10. Nef The Pharaoh - Come Pick Me Up (2015)
11. Mozzy ft. E Mozzy & Celly Ru - Love Slidn (2015)

~~~> DOWNLOAD 'EM ALL HERE <~~~

Not a song about the practices of Dr. Gillian McKeith

Don't no digital algorithms understand me, mane, but by some weird quiver of coincidence, 3 of my 5 favourite post-prison Boosie songs are thinly-veiled sequels to his classic 2005 - 2008 deep cuts: I'm Wit Ya is an updated reconfiguration of I Know; comeback album finale I'm Sorry is Mama I'm Sorry with a broader scope; and his Shy Glizzy duet Going Thru It is Goin' Thru Some Thangs 2K15. Best track to bear Shy Glizzy's name since Funeral, and better than anything on Boosie's latest 'tape.

"Baby-momma drama - don't wanna argue, I want peace
Shit, my daughters teenagers - hope they don't fall for a n*gga like me"

Shy Glizzy ft. Boosie - Going Thru It
(From Shy Glizzy & Zaytoven's For Trappers Only mixtape; 2015)


Theory: the real reason Funeral didn't pop like folk expected is because Glizzy removed DJ Drama's opening ab libs from the official retail/streaming MP3 and effectively sapped the song of its gravitas since Dram F. Kennedy's contribution was maximum-impact-via-minimum-appearance-time on a par with Nitt Da Gritt's Trap Queen epilogue. Funeral without Drama's rousing intro monologue about leaving this mortal coil with your legacy intact so everyone at your wake can bow their heads with dignity? Yo, that's like Juelz on Rap City without Canal Street ice, the Chinese restaurant in Liverpool One without rumours of mice, or a Larry Lifeless band which doesn't besmirch Christ.

Martorial elegance # 83

Can't be a coincidence that International Mens Day also happens to fall on the same date as World Toilet Day this year because even Atlanta's foremost superthug rapper is a drydick rando in 2015. BMF: Blowin' Masculinity (with) Fedoras?

Life is a beach and these bloggas is flotsam & jetsam

Had no idea Honey Cocaine dropped a video for Martorialist fave Honeydick last month, but then why would I since most of these bloggas will only cover the music of Female Rappers™ if they can spin it into some sorta entry-level feminism thinkpiece. For a hilarious recent example of this phenomenon, contrast the amount of words written about the W.W.A singles to the amount of words usually written about Katie Got Bandz or Sasha Go Hard - comedy hasn't been that outta sync since Danny met Arnie.

Honey Cocaine - Honeydick
(From The Gift Rap EP; 2015)


As for the Honeydick video, Honey Cocaine made her male back-up dancers black out their faces before she posed on a tree stump surrounded by dead Visvim models. Can't believe the entire po-faced thinkpiece mafia missed out on a prime opportunity to shart out 500 words on how she's "subverting the male gaze".

Ya girl is usin' blow and she's usin' you

The Jacka ft. Dru Down - For Real
(From DJ Child's Mash Out Babylon compilation; 2015)


If Jacka & Dru Down had recorded a track for the Devilz Rejectz 2 album, it probably woulda been For Real. Shit is a wet sunday november night in audio form, and a song that sounds like it should have its own Murder Dog advertisement (™Rey).

Spice Playlist & Chill

Spice has gotta be my favourite non-rap artist since The-Dream, yet she seems to gets zero coverage beyond specialist dancehall blogs or Lily Allen linking the So Mi Like It video on Twitter in a desperate attempt to try and justify one of the many occasions she was accused of racism. The female half of Romping Shop has the filthiest gob in all of music right now, but there's a poetic flourish to the way Spice talks about pum, batty and jumpin' pon cocky over Jamaica's best riddims. Collated a playlist of ol' girl's best tracks from the past couple of years for everyone who fuxwit music where the wet-sheets mania of lust coexists peacefully with the warm comfort blanket of lurve.


Sidenotes: no Bend Ova because Back Bend is the far superior tune; no So Mi Like It remix with Busta because Americans should be kept as far away from dancehall as is scientifically possible; no I Love You Baby because that backing track sounds like it belongs on one of Lily Allen's cod-reggae songs; and no download link because Spice has a babby to feed - go cop her shit on Amazon or the other place.

Rap Ü

Lil' Chris - Gods Crying
(From the internet; 2015)



Lil' Big Man 2k15 goes Where Are Ü Now Tropical on a song where he compares rain to the Lord's tears and references the Dutty Whine? Count me in. Arguably the first Lil' Chris song which could feature guest appearances from Justin Bieber and The Jacka.

Generic list post: Confessions Of Urine

Those classic rap songs that inspire you to nip to the bar or the bog whenever you hear them on the dancefloor - we all have 'em so let's use this post as a judgement-free repository for joints from thee canon which leave you like ┐(ツ)┌. Only God/Satan can judge us, so hopefully the big man upstairs/downstairs scurries for a pint or a piss whenever he hears any of these tracks too:

Nas - Nas Is Like (1999)
Mac Dre ft. Chuck Beez - Thizzle Dance (2002)
Kurtis Blow - The Breaks (1980)
Common Sense - I Used To Love H.E.R (1994)
T.I. - What You Know (2006)
Wu-Tang Clan - Triumph (1997)
Jay Electronica - Exhibit C (2009)
Three 6 Mafia - Tear Da Club Up '97 (1997)
Terror Squad - Lean Back (2004)
Lauryn Hill - Doo Wop (That Thing) (1998)
Chief Keef - Love Sosa (2012)
Jeru The Damaja - Come Clean (1993)
Rick Ross - Hustlin' (2006)
Kool Moe Dee - How Ya Like Me Now (1987)
The Pharcyde - Drop (1995)
De La Soul - Stakes Is High (1996)
Future - Tony Montana (2011)
Tim Dog - Fuck Compton (1991)
Jay-Z & KanYe West - N*ggas In Paris (2011)
The Fab 5 - Leflaur Leflah Eshkoshka (1995)
Migos - Versace (2013)
You are cordially invited to share your own least-favourite classic rap songs in the comments but bear in mind I'll be forced to trace your IP, hunt you down, and then take a piss in your pint if you dare mention Children's Story or Pussy or Why U Bullshittin' or Go D.J or Dead Bent or Mo City Don (Freestyle) or Crush On You remix or The Ghetto or My N*gga or Phone Tap or No Type or Follow The Leader.

F**k a hoop dream, I am way above Macaulay Culkin's rim

Plying child actors with booze and then taking them to bed like I'm Michael Jackson?

Nef The Pharaoh - Michael Jackson
(From Nef The Pharoah EP; 2015)


It's a glorified advert for those ugly-arse Giuseppe Zanotti high-tops in the guise of a dedication to America's answer to Jimmy Savile, yet Nef The Pharaoh's Michael Jackson is my 3rd favourite track on his EP after Big Tymin' and Come Pick Me Up. In Cardo, Nef has a producer who compliments his melodic sensibilities via beats which sound like they were designed to soundtrack France's most opulent hot tub parties circa 2025; in Nef, Cardo has a rapper who can write a song to his lavish production rather than just rap about bongs over it. Since we can all live through anything if Pamela made it, Michael Jackson here gotta be the catchiest shit out right now.

R.I.P to Nate Dogg, we had to Regulate

Most insane part of G-Unit's show in Manchester last night? DJ Chubby Chub cutting out Nate Dogg's hook during 21 Questions so 20,000 people could sing it in unison. Most unexpected part? Instead of throwing Kidd Kidd a bone and lettin' him perform a solo song, 50 going into a medley of his verses from the remixes of Toot It And Boot It, Bitch, and UP!. Most unacceptable part? No Stunt 101 was a travesty since Young Buck was permitted entrance into the U.K unlike when G-Unit played London this played july.

KanYe may have won the war, but 50 stays showin' the rest of these fugazee A-listers how an arena-rap show's supposed to go. Like, who else but Currrrtis could have the 2 Lauren's from Liverpool rappin' along every word to a deep cut like Ya Life's On The Line?

By 8 I was great because I was sick when I was 6

Came to Nef The Pharaoh's EP on the hunt for slap tremendo in the vein of 2 Phones, left with the highlight of the previously unheard songs being some hazy sunkissed love letter to his favourite folk that's like Wiz Khafila's Kush & OJ if the O had stood for Off The Rictor and the J had stood for J-Diggs, or what a great Berner solo song might sound like if Berner weren't an earnest lump with no emotional palette beyond "I LOVE SMOKIN' WEED AND SELLIN WEED TO THE RAPPERS WHOM I'M TRYING TO BEFRIEND!" Neffy got range.

"Ya baby brother really ain't a baby no mo'
I had a baby and I can't buy liquor at the sto'"

Nef The Pharaoh - Come Pick Me Up
(From Nef The Pharaoh EP; 2015)

Just sayin', bruv # 11

3 rap bloggers walk into a bar... you'd have thought 1 of them would have seen it but they were all too busy deconstructin' Drake on Twitter every frigging day to concentrate on what was goin' on in front of their noses.

I have but a solitary hot take for you this bonfire night but plz believe it's that Dario's Inferno-level heat: never trust anyone who didn't discover rap music via some kind of novelty record as a kid because they always have the most basic taste in rap as an adult. The first rap song ya host ever heard was performed by a rodent puppet from an '80s British TV show and yet I still have a far better grasp on the nuts 'n' bolts of rap history from 1979 - 2015 than any of these self-proclaimed REAL HIP HOP experts whose own introductions came via The Message or Public Enemy or Straight Outta Compton or the Native Tongues or Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) or 2Pac & Biggie.

Who got that dirty version of Puff's new mixtape?

Puff Daddy ft. Lil' Kim, Styles P & King Los - Auction
(From MMM mixtape; 2015)


Badly need the unedited version of Auction since it sounds like a Press Play track which Puff cut out of spite after Styles threatened to drop a TV on his head that time on Hot 97. I'd prefer another Last Train To Paris to Puff's upcoming No Way Out 2 album, but Combs & co over Sean C & L.V production like its 2006 all over again suits me fine as an entrée to a retail LP that's probably gonna feature Machine Gun Kelly playing the role of Ma$e on the O.G No Way Out.

Rap songs that aren't on YouTube but really should be # 14

Back when ya host was hyperlinking the recent great B-sides & bonus tracks of the noughties post, I didn't even notice the YouTube upload of Puffy's Get Off contained within was a highly-truncated clean edit. Alas, it's not surprising that you can't currently find the full song on the 'Tube because Get Off remains perennially underrated as just that: a song.

Perhaps this is because it was a bonus track on the Best Buy edition of Press Play/the B-side of a rubbish song with Christina "8-Off" Aguilera released during the twlight days of singles as physical products? Or maybe it's because the song was eclipsed by the Get Off promo video going viral on MySpace? Either way, everybody on the planet should be able to stream the only natural successor to Crooklyn Clan & Fatman Scoop's Be Faithful in its full glory. Find out what happened in the Combs household when babby Puffy first heard James Brown on the Playschool record player Janice copped him one Christmas:

Sean "Diddy" Combs - Get Off
(From Tell Me single/Best Buy Press Play album; 2006)


Contrary to the belief of some Bad Boy stans, the Get Off promo video isn't the apex of Puffy's dancing - that'd be his rendition of the Harlem Foxtrot on a conveyor belt during some 1999 award show performance of Hate Me Now.

S/O to the Mongolian Mike Parry

Kwamz & Flava - Fine Lady
(From Soundcloud; 2015)


Are there any other 2015 Afrobeats jams which sound like this or is Fine Lady pure Brit-bait anomaly? Shit knocks way harder than the most recent Kwamz & Flava song Tonight, yet Fine Lady remains marooned on Soundcloud whilst Tonight has been gettin' spins on Capital XTRA this past week and is an official digital single as of today. Industry rule 4090: record company people continually put their money behind the wrong song.

Foolproof strategy for Afrobeats to blow up in America: the genre needs its own Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now). There's no need to bother finding a new Freedom Williams for the job because his spiritual heir in monotone eye-rolling punchlines about nuts is already waiting in the wings armed with a iPhone notepad full of Chippendale similies.

Bauhaus Every Weekend

This year Halloween fell on a weekend, me & your mum are twerk or treatin'.

Generic list post: october 2015

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Stitches fans debated a different sort of Low End Theory, RapMusicHysteria's best of Reggeaton guide bodied every other listicle posted during october, and Spice found herself a new Prince Charming who doesn't require any conjugal visits.

Slimm Calhoun - Characters (2001)
Lil' Chris ft. Cago Leek - Feel The Breeze (2015)
Stresmatic ft. Nef The Pharaoh & Mazerati Ricky - 2 Phones (2015)
J. Stalin ft. L'Jay - Bye Felicia (2015)
Runway Rich ft. Big Gipp - How You Feeling (2015)
Tinashe - Player (2015)
Julio Bashmore ft. J'Danna - Rhythm Of Auld (2014)
Spice - Uh Oh (2015)

Otherwise october was a month of disappointments from Martorialist favourites old and new: AZ clearly took his mention on that last Eminem single to heart because Back To Myself is pure Mallgoth Mathers-core; Nef The Pharaoh's Boss Me is a textbook example of why teenagers shouldn't be allowed to make rap songs about sex.

Until Max B comes home or Trina makes a solo sequel to Wowzers, ban ALL rappers from making songs about pleasures of the flesh, imho.

It's a girl!

Via Nyquil via Willy. Oh so that's who the pregnant woman smoking a bifter in Stitches' Molly Cyrus video was - his then-future baby momma!?

Great exchange from the Molly Cyrus video comment section right here, btw:

Late pass!

It's crazy that one of the best Earthtone III productions should be buried 12 tracks deep into the debut album of Dungeon Family third-stringer Slimm Calhoun. What's even crazier is that the tune in question should kinda sound like an early noughties Big Boi solo joint as performed by T.I. circa In Da Streets Vol. 1. An A+ song by a C-list crew member:

Slimm Calhoun - Characters
(From The Skinny album; 2001)


Never bothered with Slimm Calhoun's The Skinny album before I got it 4 cheap last week, probably because its main single It's Ok was some booty chatter that's only notable for Slimm's proto-Chopper suits in the video. Album isn't particularly good, but Characters here justifies the £1.50 ya boy paid for the CD.

What Happened To The World > What A Time To Be Alive

Jacka tat' courtesy of the Big Tymin' kid Nef The Pharaoh. Hope Nef's upcoming EP sounds closer to 2 Phones than it does to his own new song Boss Me because blippity-bloopety post-hyphy tracks about why a gentleman should keep 2 cellphones on his personage are always gonna be preferable to a teenage lad rhyming about sex for 3 verses over functional ratchet production.

Let's not bullshit here, though - the only rapper it's ever safe to get tatted on your physical is a dead rapper; that way you can be sure they'll never eat their girlfriend's intestines or get caught diddlin' kids. Somewhere in Houston there's a Hispanic bloke who hasn't worn a short-sleeved shirt in summer for the last 14 years because he's got SPM's face tattooed on his forearm and he's too embarrassed to go get a cover-up.

Once upon a time in a faraway land, there was a tiny pum...

My open letter to Westwood regarding Spice's Needle Eye fell on deaf ears, but at least 2015's 2nd best non-rap song now has a video. And not just any ol' video but the only music video of 2015 which could potentially unify the disparate worldviews of Bol and Moscaddie. Fairy Godmother Patra sez: "Yes, Spicederella - you will go to Di Dance to show dem gal who has the Needle Eye now!"

Spice - Needle Eye
(From YouTube; 2015)



If Moscaddie doesn't write a 1000 word thinkpiece on why Spice is the most important Female Artiste™ of the past 2 years then she ain't really 'Bout Dat Life. Not sayin' that everyone from down under is sketchy AF IRL, but I stopped smokin' with Antipodeans back when Maggie Kirkpatrick got arrested for being a nonce.

Generic list post: 20 great non-album B-sides + album bonus tracks of the noughties

Pour a lil' liquor out for the non-album cut B-side, effectively snuffed out by technology via singles no longer being physical products with a required amount of time to fill. Then raise a toast to the album bonus track, still in rude health due to digital commerce and stupid LP narratives which deem slaps like When I Was Gone as epilogues. Here's 20 jams from last decade made up of songs from column B-side and column Bonus track.

Diddy - Get Off (2006)
Bubba Sparxx - Disappear (2003)
Grand Puba - Issues (Pete Rock remix) (2002)
Ludacris - Act A Fool (2003)
Jay-Z - La-La-La (Excuse Me Miss Again) (2003)
KanYe West ft. Paul Wall, GLC & T.I. - Drive Slow (remix) (2006)
T.I. - You Ain't Fly (2006)
Young Dro - Cartoon (2006)
UGK ft. Three 6 Mafia - Int'l Players Anthem (2007)
Gang Starr - The Natural (2002)
Trina - Leaving You (Big Ol' Dick) (2004)
50 Cent ft. Mobb Deep - Outta Control (remix) (2005)
Prodigy - Dirty New Yorker (2008)
Husalah ft. Pretty Black - Before The Dope (2007)
Blaq Poet - Poet's Comin' (2005)
Curren$y - On Top Of The Money (2009)
Sean Price - 60 Bar Dash (2005)
Birdman - Neighborhood Superstars (2006)
Busta Rhymes ft. P Diddy & Pharrell - Pass The Courvoisier Part II (2002)
Roc Marciano of The U.N - Game Of Death (O.G version) (2003)
Petey Pablo's I Ain't Scared (B-Side of non-album single Blow Your Whistle) doesn't appear to be anywhere on t'internet but I can confirm it's a jam because I have the 12" somewhere. Who got that MP3?

Pay As U Go Cartel back!

It's only right Stresmatic from The Federation finally has a legitimate slap to his own name because he's been Nate Dogging E-40's albums since Breakin' News in 2003; every generation gets the One More Day it deserves innit? Who'd a thunk said-Stresmatic-slap would be the song that combines Mac Dre at his most exotic with the ersatz honks of Mr. Saxobeat, though? Best hyphy-continuum track since, well, Old School Hyphy.

Stresmatic ft. Nef The Pharaoh & Mazerati Ricky - 2 Phones
(From Soundcloud; 2015)

Then I felt just like a fiend, it's still 2 weeks until Halloween

Via Nyquil:

Lampin' in the club with 1000 pumpkins in ski-masks lit whilst Sonoma County's finest strippers see how wide their arsecheeks can split. Throw in Dru Down performing a Halloween rejig of Hello Hello Hello, a Mac Dre fancy dress competition, and you've got an All Saints Eve celebration that sounds like my type of party (no that overrated Dom Kennedy single.)

Twerk or Treat, dahling: where Damac is the missing link between Dancehall and Danzig.

"Someone killed the homie Chinx Drugz in the very same car he crossed off a wishlist" :(

Chinx - How To Get Rich
(From JFK album; 2015)


File this one under ‘songs that've appeared in a monthly wrap up which really deserve their own post.’ The dearly departed Chinx Drugz was gettin' really good at sing-songy waviness before his death. How To Get Rich in image form:

Drew Barber isn't "that well versed in Mac Dre"? Let's rectify this situation

Refer to the comments in the Big Lurch post for details. Tha Barber ain't up on the Black Buck Rogers? Contrary to Dre's own professional code of conduct, some things are correctable. Thus, 25 personal favourite jams by the rapper who unfortunately didn't live long enough to dub himself Macrio BalotelDre.

Young Black Brotha (1989)
Too Hard For Da F**kin' Radio (1989)
California Livin' (ft. Coolio Da Unda Dogg) (1991)
On My Toes (1992)
All Damn Day (1992)
2 The Double R (ft. Coolio Da Unda Dogg) (1993)
The Romp Y'All (1993)
Back 2 My Mission (1997)
Life's A Bitch (1998)
Nothin' Correctable (1998)
Rapper Gone Bad (1999)
Off Tha Rictor (2000)
Black Buck Rogers (2000)
So Hard (2001)
Bleezies-N-Heem (2001)
Monday Thru Sunday (2002)
Dipped When You See Me (2003)
Feelin' Myself (2004)
Dreganomics (2004)
Me Damac (2004)
Witme?? (2004)
My Alphabets (ft. Suga Free & Rappin' 4-Tay) (2004)
I Feed My Bitch (ft. Keak Da Sneak & B.A) (2004)
Not My Job (2004)
Dredio (ft. Mac Mall & E-40) (2005)

First person to turn this into a playlist on YouTube or Spotify wins braggin' rights for the week and gets to add some Dre joints of their own choosing. *EDIT* Spotify playlist courtesy of Noah. Give the man a hand (no Clarence Boddicker.) *EDIT 2* Johnny Rap came through with zipfiles of the playlist - have yourself a Bay Area Dre Day and download 'em both here and here.

Rap songs that aren't on YouTube but really should be: an Audiomack playlist

Collected all the tracks from my Rap songs that aren't on YouTube but really should be series + some other tracks I've uploaded to Audiomack which can't currently be found on the 'Tube into a playlist to post up like Paul Wall today. I swept YouTube with no broom; improvement needed? Lotsa room.

24 songs by Slim Thug & Paul Wall, Camp Lo, Yungstar & Lil' Flex, AZ, Jiggs & Cheeks, Young Ready, TREE, DJ Upgrade & Rico Tha Kidd, Melle Mel, Grip Plyaz, Dres, Smooth B, Jay Tee & Baby Bash, The LOX, Boo Da Boss Playa & Lay-Lo, MobStyle, Go-Rilla Pimp$, Lil' Chris, and N.O.R.E & Peedi Crakk. Hit up the search bar on the left hand path up top if you need any additional info about any of the songs contained because there's posts about all of 'em in these here archives.


Shout outs: Fred Flak for the 2 unreleased MobStyle exclusives; ANU for findin' the full Jiggs & Cheeks album; Drake for hippin' me to N*gga Rican and Ray Garraty for locating the tagless MP3 of it; Julius for uploading Boo's 601 album; Donal for snaggin' the Hustle Hard compilation from Land Of G-Funk; and Lil' Chris for the no-DJ MP3 of Bad Lil' Chick.

Gotta eat the intestines like groceries

Never realised rap's foremost IRL cannibal really does sound like his namesake until YouTube started recommending me Big Lurch deep cuts during a Lil' Keke binge t'other day. If Rock from Heltah Skeltah had moved to Houston, developed a sherm addiction, and signed to Swisha House, he probably would've recorded On Da Run and Texas Boy.

South Park Mexican has his own VEVO page yet Big Lurch doesn't? Cannsphobia is really real in the field.

Obligatory annual post about some UK road-rap tune

Speakin' of properly mastered retail MP3s which make the Soundcloud rips we've been rockin' for months sound weaker than GZA's proverbial clock-radio speakers, J Hus' roadrapfrobeats anthem Lean & Bop is now available to cop at all your favourite digital outlets and the MP3 has all sorts of hitherto unheard low-end and high-end frequencies. Procure that shit here so we can get an IMAX-soundin' MP3 of Dem Boy Paigon next.


J Hus ft. DoccyDocs - Lean & Bop
(From Lean & Bop single; 2015)


Don't get it twisted, tho - it's still f**k Skepta's entire catalogue aside from Rolex Sweep around these parts.

Never been arrested for nuthin' domestic

J.Stalin X DJ Fresh in 2015? Still Positive K's third single when the stars realign to form the Ursa Mob&Bullshit constellation in the Northern California hemisphere.

J.Stalin ft. L'Jay - Bye Felicia
(From YouTube; 2015)



Lil' Debbie's come a long way from being Kreayshawn's geeky 4-eyed mate in the Gucci Gucci video, eh? Looks great in Air Jordan 1's, looks even better pointing a pistol in J.Stalin's face after she's just caught him cheating on her. Whatta mistaka ta maka!

"All you need is a gurl and a gun" - D.W. Stalin

Rap & Bullshit: conventional rap history narratives that are a load of bollox (part 2)

"Run-DMCs Sucker MC's made a whole generation of rappers irrelevant overnight!"


More oft-repeated poppycock. Firstly, rap had already splintered into a handful of sub-genres which existed symbiotically by 1983. Secondly, rather than making a whole generation of rappers irrelevant, Sucker MC's actually provoked the Furious Five and the Coldcrush Brothers into recording their best studio songs as groups: Step Off and Fresh, Fly, Wild, And Bold. Thirdly, old school guys like Melle Mel, Kool Moe Dee, and Spoonie Gee all had some of their biggest hits post-Sucker MC's: Step Off, Beat Street Breakdown, I Feel For You, How Ya Like Me Now, Wild Wild West, and The Godfather. Fourthly, this narrative conveniently discounts Whodini's place in the evolution of recorded rap.

This ain't to say that Sucker MC's wasn't a game changing record, but its impact has been exaggerated by generic music critics who like to glibly explain the pre-golden era of 80's rap with tidy generational shifts and grand Slay Thy Father gestures. Anyone caught propagating that horseshit should be forced to spend their afterlife reviewing Rev Run's appalling 2005 solo album Distortion for the rest of eternity. Raise Hell on that notion, suckers.

Hat tip to Hot Box

Runway Richy ft. Big Gipp - How You Feeling
(From ForeignMerican mixtape; 2015)



Miss me with your Big K.R.I.T comparisons; to moi, this shit sounds the Witchdoctor song I've been waitin' on him to release as the follow-up to his lost 2009 YouTube-only single Rich & Poor. It ain't gonna change the world, but it just made my world feel a whole lot happier on a wet monday morning. Silly cat, wore Sperry Topsiders in the rain.

Rap & Bullshit: conventional rap history narratives that are a load of bollox (part 1)

"The Message was the first socio-political rap song, man!"
Nowadays everyone wanna talk about Duke Bootee & Melle Mel's The Message like it was the first rap song with something meaningful to say, but nothin' comes out when y'all move your fingertips just a bunch of revisionist gibberish and motherfuckers act like they forgot about Kurtis Blow's Hard Times. To wit: Kurtis Blow made a song about the economic hardships of everyday life in 1980, Duke Bootee followed suit in 1982, albeit featuring a recycled Melle Mel verse from 1979. There's no debate, it happened.

Kurtis Blow - Hard Times
(From Kurtis Blow album; 1980)


The solution? Anyone caught persisting with the notion that rap was all fun & games until The Message dropped will be forced to read the collected Rap Radar posts of Brian "B-Dot" Miller every day for a year. Anyone who also persists on crediting The Message to Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five will be forced to subscribe to B-Dot's Twitter as extra penance.

"Talkin' 'bout he want me to stick my finger in my booty!"

Juke Life - Booty Hole
(From Soundcloud; 2011)


File this under ‘Soundcloud & Bullshit songs in a Dormtainment stylee which really need ad libs from Big Tigger in WBITCH mode.’ Main fella on this wins the Freak Of The Week award for that "go further up your back way past your tits/control you from your ass like a ventriloquist" lyric. Ease back there, Matthew Corbett.

Hat tip to some crazy ass blogger named ANU for this one. WBBBBBITCH where the W stands for finger near a blogger's arsehole like Whoa.

Generic list post: september 2015

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when crabs and rats were more appealing than listening to a certain Twitter-bait mixtape.

Greyson & Jasun ft. Slick Rick - Get Bizzy (1991)
Lil' Chris ft. Tiffini - Bad Lil' Chick remix (2015)
Plies - I Got It (2015)
Maine Musik - Social Media Gangsta (2015)
Fetty Wap ft. Monty - How We Do Things (2015)
Patman - Lit (2015)
A-Wax - Been A Long Time (2015)
Mozzy ft. E Mozzy & Celly Ru - Love Slidn (2015)
T.I. - Project Steps (2015)
Nick Brewer ft. Bibi Bourelly - Talk To Me (2015)
Popcaan - Slap Roun Deh (2015)

Other notables: also the month when the bottom of the Migos/Young Thug/Future cosplay barrel was well and truly scraped with Mystikal's Robert Dinero, Eearz's Work Ya Muscle and Young Dro's Ugh respectively. Ugh indeed.