Walk like A DOOM

Kurious - Cow's Eye
(From Majician album; 2024)


It's funny how a great video can transform a song into your favourite jam on the whole album. Absolute perfect marriage of music and music image resulting in a prequel to the ? video and the greatest DOOM tribute ever. Shit twists my tearducts like a muppet; keepin' it honest, I can't listen to it in public. Also, a rare modern Kurious video where he's not wearing jhorts. That man definitely owns more cut-off denim than an ECW wrestler.

If I ruled the world, Kurious would have included I Don't Even Exist and Don't Know on his Majician album rather than his Mystery Mixtape. One of my biggest pet peeves with Rap is rappers not including great songs on their proceeding album. It's an annoying practice which dates back to the mid 1980s when Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde didn't include Gettin' Money, Fast Life and A.M./P.M. on their album. Run-D.M.C also got in on the act when they neglected to include Together Forever on Raising Hell or Here We Go (Live at The Funhouse) on King Of Rock. The Beastie Boys also threw their baseball caps in the ring when they decided She's On It wasn't going to appear on Licensed To Ill. The Beasties now hate that song and refer to it as "Cheese Omelette", but they're terrible judges of their own catalogue so who cares what they think?


** EDIT** Ice-T was another early offender when he left Killers and Dog 'N The Wax (Ya Don't Quit Part II) offa his Rhyme Pays album.

You minor, nearly major

2Rare - Oochie Coochie
(From Oochie Coochie single; 2022)


Philly Club Rap which kinda sounds like Chicago Bop? As The High & Mighty nearly said, that's a pleasant surprise like seeing unshaven pussy right in front of your eyes. Oochie Coochie might be the catchiest chorus of 2022 - a hook so horny it'd make Max B proud (2Rare even talks like Max when he says "I'm tryna hit you too, I got the wave right now and you keep tryna make me be the one to cuff you" to his bird on the phone.) At 1:14 Oochie Coochie is more like an intro than an anthem, but I ain't mad at it in this instance.

... who am I tryna fool? Nah, I'm mad. Oochie Coochie coulda/woulda/shoulda been a 5 Star General choon if it were longer. Not only is a 1:14 Rap song musically unsatisfying to me, it's also functionally impractical: how am I supposed to listen to this shit in the car and keep my eyes on the road when I've gotta fiddle around to rewind the song every 74 seconds? The unfortunate thing with a lot of these zoomer rappers is that they make music for TikTok instead of making music for cars. You know what's really annoying though? None of 2Rare's other songs are this short, but none of them are anywhere near as good as Oochie Coochie. Flippin' typical innit?

In theory, 2Rare could solve Oochie Coochie's problem by recording a 2nd verse for an extended mix. In reality, extended mixes usually end up creating more problems where the new verses either sound like awkward ProTooled attachments or use a different flow which ends up debunking the original song's charms. Life is... too short, and so is this song. Guess I'm just gonna have to accept that.