Diamond D & The Psycho-Spiritual Neurotic

"Being a human being is abrasive
They throw you on the job without no orientation
It's not like everyday I need a standing ovation
Before I leave I'd like to leave a couple of traces
Roll the dice and move ahead a couple of spaces
Shed the fear of flying and defy limitation
Recognise the signs and their interpretation
Take an ancient science and apply innovation
I'm not one to make haste or stay patient
So every single day is like a paid vacation"

Homeboy Sandman - Fruit Day 1
(From I Can't Sell These album; 2022)


Marky Mark, The Mighty Ducks, Good Vibrations on my fave song from Homeboy Sandman's new Lost Tapes type album. Conclusive proof that every New York rapper of note should beatjack Diamond D's Freestyle (Yo That's That Shit) for a Lyrical Exercise song. But then, you knew that already if you've heard Sean Price's 60 Bar Dash, right?

We left it wet for you, Moz

We refer not to the time Barratt paid tribute to The Smiths at Salford Lads Club, but the bottle incident at Moz's Liverpool show the other night which a member of our team was behind. Business never personal, we were just seein' if Moz had the neccessary swag' to pull off gettin' hit square in the domepiece like Scott Hall on Nitro that time. But this ain't a post about Morrissey, this is about them boys from Texas :



UGK - I Left It Wet For You



One of the many things I love about UGK was that just when you thought they'd reached their plateau of gang$ta-rap greatness, they'd step it up another notch. Take I Left It Wet For You, for example. You'd think they couldn't have have topped Bun's "Yo, ain't nuthin' goin' on but nuts on naked chicks/they never fakin' licks, suckin' dicks while I'm takin' shits" rhyme for sheer filth but over a decade later they went and made Bun's blumpkin fetishizing sound passe when they remade the song as an ode to the rectal follicles of 'tutes and enlisted the help of kindred spirits Webbie and Boosie for maximum Southern ig'nance :

UGK ft. Webbie & Boosie - Hairy Asshole



God, it sucks we'll never hear another new UGK song. Why couldn't a proper fat twat rapper who had nothing left to offer like Bonecrusher have died instead of Pimp C? No offence like, Bonecrusher, mate.

Got a dime bitch that live in Japan

If lovin' Sean Price's Monkey Barz LP more than any of the old 90s BBC releases is wrong, then I don't wanna be right. 2005 was a year chocked full of incredible rap singles but, damn, Sean more than held his own with these two :

Sean Price ft. Tek - Onion Head



Sean Price - Boom Bye Yeah



But why on earth didn't he put the b. side from the Boom Bye Yeah 12" on Monkey Barz I don't know, because 60 Bar Dash was my shit. If Busta could get away with having a Diamond D beatjack for one of his man singles the year after, then Sean should've been able to get away with putting this on his album in 2005.

Sean Price - 60 Bar Dash



Anybody have an mp3 of it?

You lookin' for Pee? Well, you can find him everywhere..

..in the project near you i be right there

Pissin' seems to be all the rage at the moment what with the I'm Gonna Google You, Bitch! video and the parody viral video epidemic it's spawned so it's time The Martorialist jumps on the urine-bandwagon with a peeing-in-public themed post.



Sweet Winehouse-style mangy denim there, shawdy.

The kicker has an indefinable air of 1982 Bullseye contestant about him and the kick, which clearly got sphincter deep up in dat ass, has all the grace of that Roberto Carlos free-kick against France. Bitchin' man-bag too, mayne.

But where was our hero when Paula Radcliffe was pissing in the grid during the London marathon a few years back? More importantly, what would Brotha Lynch Hung think about all this?

Brotha Lynch Hung - Rest In Peace