She's Crafty Cockney

Eric B has got a beer gut and my name is Rakim.

Top 5 darts-themed rap songs of all time:
1. Big L - MvG
2. LL Cool J - The Bristow Hotel
3. Buckshot - The BDO Thug
4. Gang Starr - Who's Gonna Take The Wade
5. French Montana et al - Oche Cinco

Generic list post: October 2016

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when the Howard Hawks of Horror told me that Ice-T's The Tower is his favourite rap song to sample the Halloween theme. Makes sense that Carpenter stands up when he performs his music live because all maniacal geniuses from Mozart to James Murdoch are so consumed by their work that sitting down is a physical impossibility. Old bean was like a dad-dancing geriatric version of DJ Alfredo in Ibiza.

Casual - Who Do That (1997)
Casual - The Best At It (1997)
Doni F of Break In Crew - No Luv (2007)
Young Devi D - Young Fly N*gga (2015)
Young Devi D ft. Brandoshis - Don't Judge Me (2016)
YG - One Time Comin' (2016)
J. Stalin - West Oakland N*gga (2016)
White Gzus ft. GLC - G Is For Green (2016)
D.R.A.M - Workaholic (2016)
Kwamz & Flava ft. Coast2Coast - Stop Stalling (2016)
Other notables: only heard it for the first time yesterday, but Diamonds Talkin' Back gotta be my favourite 2 Chainz song since MFN Right; it's cool that a Curren$y & $tarlito track finally exists even if I'll probably never listen to it again; Jimmy Wopo and the WNC lads both disappointed me with their new singles this month; Kap G's Girlfriend remix with Ty Dolla $ign & Quavo really doesn't need to exist; Eminem's Campaign Speech sounds like "Tom Cruise mom shoes"-era Canibus recorded a 7 minute parody of El-P's solo career; Shawty Lo is dead but the influence of D4L lives on in the songs of DB Tha General's former weed carrier-turnt-Philthy Rich's current chain polisher; listened to NBA YoungBoy's new mixtape and 38 Baby is still his only song which warrants the hype imho.

Ran Off On Da Shameless Plug Twice

Updated my Rap Songs That Aren't On YouTube playlist with tracks by The Team and Rock D The Legend & Big Boi, and also added a couple of new cuts by King Louie and White Gzus & GLC which have yet to find their way to the 'Tube. Said he bodied me with his last playlist, guess nobody heard it because nobody listened to his last playlist.

40 Cal Chuchester

Told y'all that Yung Cat quietly had the 'Tubesploitation game on lock. If YouTube comedy-rap has to exist then 'tis far more preferable for Kansas City's finest purveyor of Husalahwave to have his 5 year old stepson rhyming mainey shit on camera than it is for Anthony Faneto's #problematic Mexican alter-ego to record zany Bobby Shmurda remakes. Only needle drop we acknowledge here at The Martorialist:

Why couldn't God have taken Paul McCartney instead of Pete Burns?

Ding dong, lid - the G.O.A.T Scouser is dead. Pour out a little Stella for the singer partially responsible for the greatest duet in TV history AKA the only Celebrity Big Brother contestant who could out-peacock Dennis Rodman AKA Pete "Dragula" Burns.


Dismissed as an 80's one hit wonder who'd Frankensteined himself with cosmetic surgery until his trailblazing reality TV career took flight in the '00s, Pete The Meat was the recording artist David Bowie could have been if the latter weren't a poncey middle-class Cockney trend-hopper who pilfered sounds and cultures on some proto-Drake type shit. It could be argued that Pete from Bebington didn't have the same seismic cultural impact as Ziggy Stardust, but keep pretending to yourself that Dave from Bromley ever recorded a song as good as You Spin Me Round (Like a Record), fam.


We'll all miss Meryseyside's "brickie in heels", let's just hope he's slaggin' off Tracy Bingham with Jesus. As 'Pac nearly said, I wonder if Heaven got a still-lucarative Japanese market to exploit?

Green grow the rushes

"Playin' my hand, wanted to deal
Jordan was winnin', wanted to be him
Closest I came? Wearin' his shoes
Hoes see me, I'm swearin' they choose"

White Gzus ft. GLC - G Is For Green
(From Soundcloud; 2016)


When midwest pimp-rap meets Portishead-style mysteriousness. Lord only knows why this one isn't included on the new White Gzus 'tape because it bodies every song on there. Round of applause for Blanco Caine rhyming Medellin with the title of Project Pat's debut album - Da Capo best Rap couplet of 2016?

I be goin' in, what the f*ck is the exit?

All ya host has ever wanted since startin' this blog is a slap that sounds like D-Lo blew new gas into C-Bo's Want To Be A "G". Props to the Cafe for locating the album containing that very slap:

"A young fly crip n*gga, R.I.P to Tookie
These suckers can't touch me, it's like I got the cooties"

Young Devi D - Young Fly N*gga
(From YouTube; 2015/Chess Not Checkers album; 2016)


This Young Devi D album sounds like it's got some joints, but pass me a scone because Young Fly N*gga is the jam. "You always tawm 'bout what you gon' pull out for the summer/that chevy look like you put Daytons on a dumpster!"

A recent-ish jams 4 u compilation (2016 volume 4)

Think about it, yo: a hole is both a thing and the absence of a thing. Plug up any metaphysical or metaphorical holes in your own existence with a zipfile thingy of ten tracks from the past few months that I've been feelin' since the last compilation of this type.

1. King Louie - We Like To Party
2. Tink - Aquafina
3. Jimmy Wopo - Walkin' Bomb Part 2
4. Yung Cat - Same N*ggas Who Popped Me
5. WNC Carlos - Keep A Glock
6. WNC Carlos ft. JMM Larry & SOG Sherwood Flame - Cross Me
7. Aminé - Caroline
8. Big Baby D.R.A.M - Cash Machine
9. Kap G - In The A
10. Uncle Murda - Cam'Ron Voice

~~~> DOWNLOAD THE COMPILATION HERE <~~~