I think Atlantic tryna set Joe Mo$e$ up, maybe I'm just Paranoid? #2

Pssst, you didn't read this salacious little rumour here, but a source close to Ty$ tells me the real reason for Joe Mo$e$' removal from the official version of Paranoid was at the behest of Ty$'s fellow Atlantic Records artist T.I who didn't take too kindly to Joe's "see, all my bitches is bad I'm not T.I, ain't no Tiny's around me uh-uh, bitch" line about his beloved missus, and that's why Atlantic have been attempting to erase the original version from the 'net these past few months. Maybe the Rap Genius annotation was the final straw for Tip?



Damn, Joe, ya boy Ty$ is all up in da game but he's got the NO MA'AM rules missin' like DB Tha General:

"Bro's over hoes? Hell naw, that's gay!"

DB Tha General - Don't Worry
(From I Shine, We All Shine album; 2012)

Sicko Mobb are the new Migos

Which means all y'all lads & lasses need to knock it off hyping up another group who presently only have one great song and whose singular style suggests they will only ever have one great song since they've absolutely nailed said singular style already with Fiesta in much the same way Migos did with Hannah Montana. What's wrong with just celebrating Sicko Mobb for being a one-great-song wonder anyway when it means they're in such esteemed company as T-La Rock and Hot Stylz?

Sicko Mobb - Fiesta
(from YouTube; 2013)


You bloggers ain't nuthin' but models for pigeons on t-shirts by pretending those new Sicko Mobb joints with Lil' Durk and Twista are worthy of anything other than faint embarrassment for everybody involved in them. Being charitable, you could say that neither Maserati or Bitches & Bikinis are quite as awful as that Twitter-bait car crash between TREE & Danny Brown in Margarita Pracatan mode earlier this year, but both songs are hella boosy mismatches of rappers who just don't work together within the framework of the same track, and if you trendy disingenuous motherfuckers keep pushing them as THE NEXT BIG THING then we're going to end up with Sicko Mobb X RiFF RaFF X Ryan Hemsworth collaborations before the end of the year and a tragic string of mixtapes which nobody really cares about anymore a la Migos.

Related: how bad is that Twerk remix of Hannah Montana? Once upon a time only CJ Mackintosh and his UK Club remixes could flat-out ruin perfect Rap songs with such honking recklessness, but nowadays rappers have a more in-house method for spoiling their own shit: themselves. Ol' George Lucas tinkering with fucking lightsaber FX in the O.G Star Wars trilogy ass dudes.

Rejected rejected ideas #2

Annual 2013 list of my post pitches that were so bad even Dan & Drew turned them down for the Rejected Ideas section over at Fat Lace.

I Sit Alone In My 4 Cornered Room Staring At Cankles - Scarface reveals he longer feels comfortable wearing shorts in public due to his rapidly thickening lower legs.

Just A Young 'Hood N*gga, Screech Raised Me - Future argues that Saved By The Bell was a better show than The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air.

M.O.B Dick - Jim Jones & Mel Matrix explain why they're the Rap Game Captain Ahab & Ishmael.

This Is Why I'm Shot - Mims uses a ouija board to speak to Lil' Phat's spirit in a bid to find out if he really was killed by some Ukrainian guido car dealer and Eldorado Red.

The Lyrics Born Ultimatum - in an exclusive interview, the azn bloke from Latryx reveals that he left the group because the blk bloke from Latryx wouldn't stop farting on their tour bus.

It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold His Cack - Dr Gillian McKeith teaches Bizarre from D12 how to turn those lead logs into flaky floaters.

Mouse On The Track - Lil' Mouse tests out whether Nike Flyknits are good for Track & Field events.

Street Nozzles Pointed At Ya Nostros - a Rap blogger dating series in which Andrew "Noz" Nosnitsky and Lauren Nostro go on a string of paintballing dates together.

Wave Bry

In theory, Roc Marciano attempting to surf Max B's wave should be a clash of incompatible styles, yet in practice he pulls it off with the sort of chutzpah that Faxsimile B's like French Montana and Sen City could only dream of. And then you realise: hey, maybe the Max influence has been there all along in post-UN Marciano songs like Ridin' Around but we were all just too busy tracing Long Island Rap lineages and devising new ways to describe dude's wordplay without making him sound like Louis Logic with Lugers & LR-300s to notice it?

Roc Marciano - Ice Cream Man
(From The Pimpire Strikes Back mixtape; 2013)


A definitive list of the Waviest N.Y Rap songs of 2013 so far : Take A Flick by Max B, How Can I Lose? by Chinx Drugz, Instagram (Catfish) by Cam'Ron & Sen City, and this. Something by Le1f too, obviously.

Reasons why I love YouTube # 49

A quick Zack Morris time-out from teh Rap musik tonight for a video of Robert Tepper lip-syncing his way through the Rocky 4 OST classic There's No Easy Way Out on German TV in 1985:


You've gotta hand it to the Jerries, they might have some very dodgy eccentricities (cultivating handlebar moustaches, watching shizer smut, murdering Jewish ppl, dropping bombs on British chip shops, employing German ex-pats in America during WW2 to hide up in the Potosi Mountains and shoot down an airliner full of major U.S physicists that poor old Carole Lombard also happened to be travelling on, and releasing the kind of Das 4 Elementz Preservation Society Hip Hop which makes the New Zealand Rap group who Jaz DJs for sound like Young Thug), but they sure do have good taste in histrionic 80s American poodle-Rawk.

Related: Jonzun Crew doing Pack Jam on German TV in 1983.

Agallah the Harold Bishop

Another freezing cold sunday afternoon, another Agallah The Don Bishop pun that'll confuse 80% of the people who read this site, and another great old Agallah deep cut from Da Mixtape Iz The Album I've only just discovered recently. Hear why Agallah is the type of bloke who probably lists himself as a Hopeless Romantic on his Match.com profile here:

"Don't act all fly if I ax' you out
'Cause you and I both know Ima mash you out!"

Agallah - Let's Get High
(From Da Mixtape Iz The Album mixtape; 2001)


Don't be mislead by the title because Let's Get High isn't another entry into the Agallah weed song canon alongside the likes of Fly High and Trees For Xmas. As hinted at above it's actually an adorable little ditty in the vein of Neighborhood Hoe about "the bitches and whores, my type of shit y'all" over what sounds the closing score from some swashbuckling 1930s Clark Gable movie for Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. No, seriously, I'm not just blowin' hyperbole outta my arsehole here, I swear that sample really does come from some Clark Gable flick I've half-watched on a freezing cold sunday afternoon much like today.

Instagram Pam

Unhappy to find that there's zero trace of the Trill ENT roster on Foxx's new mixtape Shake Back (dude is now referring to himself as the "Trill E-N-T underdog" and will probably have to agree to an album with godamn Lil' Trill if he wants Turk & Mel to ever officially release something with his name on it again), but very pleased to report that the 'tape's highlight is one of Foxx's customary barbiturate-ballads about his everyday woes with a chorus which could have come straight outta Mouse On Tha Track's folder of golden hooks:

"Sometimes I wanna jump in my car, put the bitch in drive
Hit the interstate and just ride and get hiiiiiiiiiiiigh
And forget about the shit I go through
Fuck everybody, right now I don't know you"

Foxx - Ride
(From Shake Back mixtape; 2013)


Frankie Tha Lucky Dog done told me Foxx's "they on the internet too, put the wrong picture on Instagram and they comin' for you" line is an ill subliminal to the white staff at Noisey whose recent expose on online lean dealing got a bunch of black dudes arrested for using Instagram to sell syrup and post picture of illegal firearms.

Thank you Lucky Dog

If Johnny Cinco's They Gave The Wrong Young N*gga Money is the reckless Blaxploitation Spaghetti Western of cash-themed 2013 Rap songs then Money Whipped by Savage AKA Sav Sinatra AKA Savage On Tha Track (an underrated Baton Rogue producer for Trill ENT/occasional rapping weed-carrier for Young Ready) must be the sombre Paul Schrader-penned late 70s American arthouse movie in Tinsel Town clothing?

If that all sounds a bit too poncey for datazz then here's a more straightforward pitch: dreamy Rap songs with money-as-a-girl similes are way better than corny Rap songs with Hip-Hop-kulcha-as-a-girl similes.

"N*ggas rob for ya, they work for ya, they hustle for ya, they scam
They prey for ya, they wish for ya, sell dope and pro'lly get jammed"

Savage - Money Whipped
(From Money Whipped single; 2013)



All jokes aside, I'm dead serious about They Gave The Wrong Young N*gga Money being one of the key songs in a new sub-genre of 2013 ATL Rap I'm naming ‘Buck Rogers Years Spaghetti-Western jams’. Also see: Sh!t by Future, Pablo by Gucci Mane & E-40, Hannah Montana by Migos, and Jose Got Dem Tacos remix by Kap-G & Young Jeezy.