My Homeboy's Ute

One of music's greatest strengths is transforming the mundane into the magical. Other people's cars are even less interesting than other people's children, so when some random bloke in the pub starts yacking to me about his motor he has precisely 40 seconds to talk before I glaze over with boredom and tell him that I need to go for a piss. But when someone records a song about their car it invariably turns out to be a thrilling audio loveletter which has me hanging off every word. Rap music is the king of car-talk songs, but other genres have been known to work their magic too - like my favourite single from The Chats' new album.

The Chats - 6L GTR
(From Get F**ked album; 2022)


For the past couple of years The Chats have scratched my same itch as Sum 41 in the early 2000s: a gobshite Punk band armed with choonz, riffs, and very entertaining music videos (both bands even have scrawny ginger singers!) Fortunately, The Chats are Australian rather than Canadian so there's no chance of them growing up to become a Lidl Velvet Revolver like Sum 41 did. Personally, I wouldn't be caught dead listening to a modern Punk band from Britain, America, Europe or Japan because the only people who can credibly make Punk music in 2022 are Australian zoomer grubs who look like they could be James Gribble's gang from Round The Twist season one.

Bonus beats: Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince's Who Stole My Car? has gotta be the most "it was the moment I feared" type song after The Moment I Feared itself.

My Alphabets

INXS - Need You Tonight
(From Kick album; 1987)


My m8 Tomo is a Prince mega-fan and recently edutained me with an interesting anecdote about two of the best pop singles of the 1980s. The story goes that Prince was simultaneously hugely impressed and hugely infuriated by INXS' Need You Tonight: hugely impressed by it as a song because he was already an INXS fan after What You Need blew up in America a couple of years earlier, but hugely infuriated by someone else having a massive hit which was drenched in his own DNA. So he decided to rework an acoustic demo of his into something which was, essentially, Need You Tonight with an even bigger boner. Hey presto - Prince's last great single of the '80s was born.

Prince - Alphabet St. (single version)
(From Lovesexy album; 1988)


Of course, whether Alphabet St. is a better song than Need You Tonight is entirely subjective innit. But what isn't up for debate is that Alphabet St. trumps Need You Tonight in Prince's mission statement of sheer Big Boner Energy™. Job's a good 'un - the best example of Prince living up to his The Purple One nickname or wot?

While this anecdote isn't quite Prince's equivalent of James Brown's Hot (I Need To Be Loved, Loved, Loved) swaggerjacking David Bowie's Fame, both instances prove that colonial cracka artists can occasionally spur black 'Murican artists to greater heights. Game recognise game, bro's do too. Pour out a little liquor for all the lost lads.