Bauhaus Every Weekend

This year Halloween fell on a weekend, me & your mum are twerk or treatin'.

Generic list post: october 2015

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Stitches fans debated a different sort of Low End Theory, RapMusicHysteria's best of Reggeaton guide bodied every other listicle posted during october, and Spice found herself a new Prince Charming who doesn't require any conjugal visits.

Slimm Calhoun - Characters (2001)
Lil' Chris ft. Cago Leek - Feel The Breeze (2015)
Stresmatic ft. Nef The Pharaoh & Mazerati Ricky - 2 Phones (2015)
J. Stalin ft. L'Jay - Bye Felicia (2015)
Runway Rich ft. Big Gipp - How You Feeling (2015)
Tinashe - Player (2015)
Julio Bashmore ft. J'Danna - Rhythm Of Auld (2014)
Spice - Uh Oh (2015)

Otherwise october was a month of disappointments from Martorialist favourites old and new: AZ clearly took his mention on that last Eminem single to heart because Back To Myself is pure Mallgoth Mathers-core; Nef The Pharaoh's Boss Me is a textbook example of why teenagers shouldn't be allowed to make rap songs about sex.

Until Max B comes home or Trina makes a solo sequel to Wowzers, ban ALL rappers from making songs about pleasures of the flesh, imho.

It's a girl!

Via Nyquil via Willy. Oh so that's who the pregnant woman smoking a bifter in Stitches' Molly Cyrus video was - his then-future baby momma!?

Great exchange from the Molly Cyrus video comment section right here, btw:

Late pass!

It's crazy that one of the best Earthtone III productions should be buried 12 tracks deep into the debut album of Dungeon Family third-stringer Slimm Calhoun. What's even crazier is that the tune in question should kinda sound like an early noughties Big Boi solo joint as performed by T.I. circa In Da Streets Vol. 1. An A+ song by a C-list crew member:

Slimm Calhoun - Characters
(From The Skinny album; 2001)


Never bothered with Slimm Calhoun's The Skinny album before I got it 4 cheap last week, probably because its main single It's Ok was some booty chatter that's only notable for Slimm's proto-Chopper suits in the video. Album isn't particularly good, but Characters here justifies the £1.50 ya boy paid for the CD.

What Happened To The World > What A Time To Be Alive

Jacka tat' courtesy of the Big Tymin' kid Nef The Pharaoh. Hope Nef's upcoming EP sounds closer to 2 Phones than it does to his own new song Boss Me because blippity-bloopety post-hyphy tracks about why a gentleman should keep 2 cellphones on his personage are always gonna be preferable to a teenage lad rhyming about sex for 3 verses over functional ratchet production.

Let's not bullshit here, though - the only rapper it's ever safe to get tatted on your physical is a dead rapper; that way you can be sure they'll never eat their girlfriend's intestines or get caught diddlin' kids. Somewhere in Houston there's a Hispanic bloke who hasn't worn a short-sleeved shirt in summer for the last 14 years because he's got SPM's face tattooed on his forearm and he's too embarrassed to go get a cover-up.

Once upon a time in a faraway land, there was a tiny pum...

My open letter to Westwood regarding Spice's Needle Eye fell on deaf ears, but at least 2015's 2nd best non-rap song now has a video. And not just any ol' video but the only music video of 2015 which could potentially unify the disparate worldviews of Bol and Moscaddie. Fairy Godmother Patra sez: "Yes, Spicederella - you will go to Di Dance to show dem gal who has the Needle Eye now!"

Spice - Needle Eye
(From YouTube; 2015)



If Moscaddie doesn't write a 1000 word thinkpiece on why Spice is the most important Female Artiste™ of the past 2 years then she ain't really 'Bout Dat Life. Not sayin' that everyone from down under is sketchy AF IRL, but I stopped smokin' with Antipodeans back when Maggie Kirkpatrick got arrested for being a nonce.

Generic list post: 20 great non-album B-sides + album bonus tracks of the noughties

Pour a lil' liquor out for the non-album cut B-side, effectively snuffed out by technology via singles no longer being physical products with a required amount of time to fill. Then raise a toast to the album bonus track, still in rude health due to digital commerce and stupid LP narratives which deem slaps like When I Was Gone as epilogues. Here's 20 jams from last decade made up of songs from column B-side and column Bonus track.

Diddy - Get Off (2006)
Bubba Sparxx - Disappear (2003)
Grand Puba - Issues (Pete Rock remix) (2002)
Ludacris - Act A Fool (2003)
Jay-Z - La-La-La (Excuse Me Miss Again) (2003)
KanYe West ft. Paul Wall, GLC & T.I. - Drive Slow (remix) (2006)
T.I. - You Ain't Fly (2006)
Young Dro - Cartoon (2006)
UGK ft. Three 6 Mafia - Int'l Players Anthem (2007)
Gang Starr - The Natural (2002)
Trina - Leaving You (Big Ol' Dick) (2004)
50 Cent ft. Mobb Deep - Outta Control (remix) (2005)
Prodigy - Dirty New Yorker (2008)
Husalah ft. Pretty Black - Before The Dope (2007)
Blaq Poet - Poet's Comin' (2005)
Curren$y - On Top Of The Money (2009)
Sean Price - 60 Bar Dash (2005)
Birdman - Neighborhood Superstars (2006)
Busta Rhymes ft. P Diddy & Pharrell - Pass The Courvoisier Part II (2002)
Roc Marciano of The U.N - Game Of Death (O.G version) (2003)
Petey Pablo's I Ain't Scared (B-Side of non-album single Blow Your Whistle) doesn't appear to be anywhere on t'internet but I can confirm it's a jam because I have the 12" somewhere. Who got that MP3?

Pay As U Go Cartel back!

It's only right Stresmatic from The Federation finally has a legitimate slap to his own name because he's been Nate Dogging E-40's albums since Breakin' News in 2003; every generation gets the One More Day it deserves innit? Who'd a thunk said-Stresmatic-slap would be the song that combines Mac Dre at his most exotic with the ersatz honks of Mr. Saxobeat, though? Best hyphy-continuum track since, well, Old School Hyphy.

Stresmatic ft. Nef The Pharaoh & Mazerati Ricky - 2 Phones
(From Soundcloud; 2015)

Then I felt just like a fiend, it's still 2 weeks until Halloween

Via Nyquil:

Lampin' in the club with 1000 pumpkins in ski-masks lit whilst Sonoma County's finest strippers see how wide their arsecheeks can split. Throw in Dru Down performing a Halloween rejig of Hello Hello Hello, a Mac Dre fancy dress competition, and you've got an All Saints Eve celebration that sounds like my type of party (no that overrated Dom Kennedy single.)

Twerk or Treat, dahling: where Damac is the missing link between Dancehall and Danzig.

"Someone killed the homie Chinx Drugz in the very same car he crossed off a wishlist" :(

Chinx - How To Get Rich
(From JFK album; 2015)


File this one under ‘songs that've appeared in a monthly wrap up which really deserve their own post.’ The dearly departed Chinx Drugz was gettin' really good at sing-songy waviness before his death. How To Get Rich in image form:

Drew Barber isn't "that well versed in Mac Dre"? Let's rectify this situation

Refer to the comments in the Big Lurch post for details. Tha Barber ain't up on the Black Buck Rogers? Contrary to Dre's own professional code of conduct, some things are correctable. Thus, 25 personal favourite jams by the rapper who unfortunately didn't live long enough to dub himself Macrio BalotelDre.

Young Black Brotha (1989)
Too Hard For Da F**kin' Radio (1989)
California Livin' (ft. Coolio Da Unda Dogg) (1991)
On My Toes (1992)
All Damn Day (1992)
2 The Double R (ft. Coolio Da Unda Dogg) (1993)
The Romp Y'All (1993)
Back 2 My Mission (1997)
Life's A Bitch (1998)
Nothin' Correctable (1998)
Rapper Gone Bad (1999)
Off Tha Rictor (2000)
Black Buck Rogers (2000)
So Hard (2001)
Bleezies-N-Heem (2001)
Monday Thru Sunday (2002)
Dipped When You See Me (2003)
Feelin' Myself (2004)
Dreganomics (2004)
Me Damac (2004)
Witme?? (2004)
My Alphabets (ft. Suga Free & Rappin' 4-Tay) (2004)
I Feed My Bitch (ft. Keak Da Sneak & B.A) (2004)
Not My Job (2004)
Dredio (ft. Mac Mall & E-40) (2005)

First person to turn this into a playlist on YouTube or Spotify wins braggin' rights for the week and gets to add some Dre joints of their own choosing. *EDIT* Spotify playlist courtesy of Noah. Give the man a hand (no Clarence Boddicker.) *EDIT 2* Johnny Rap came through with zipfiles of the playlist - have yourself a Bay Area Dre Day and download 'em both here and here.

Rap songs that aren't on YouTube but really should be: an Audiomack playlist

Collected all the tracks from my Rap songs that aren't on YouTube but really should be series + some other tracks I've uploaded to Audiomack which can't currently be found on the 'Tube into a playlist to post up like Paul Wall today. I swept YouTube with no broom; improvement needed? Lotsa room.

24 songs by Slim Thug & Paul Wall, Camp Lo, Yungstar & Lil' Flex, AZ, Jiggs & Cheeks, Young Ready, TREE, DJ Upgrade & Rico Tha Kidd, Melle Mel, Grip Plyaz, Dres, Smooth B, Jay Tee & Baby Bash, The LOX, Boo Da Boss Playa & Lay-Lo, MobStyle, Go-Rilla Pimp$, Lil' Chris, and N.O.R.E & Peedi Crakk. Hit up the search bar on the left hand path up top if you need any additional info about any of the songs contained because there's posts about all of 'em in these here archives.


Shout outs: Fred Flak for the 2 unreleased MobStyle exclusives; ANU for findin' the full Jiggs & Cheeks album; Drake for hippin' me to N*gga Rican and Ray Garraty for locating the tagless MP3 of it; Julius for uploading Boo's 601 album; Donal for snaggin' the Hustle Hard compilation from Land Of G-Funk; and Lil' Chris for the no-DJ MP3 of Bad Lil' Chick.

Gotta eat the intestines like groceries

Never realised rap's foremost IRL cannibal really does sound like his namesake until YouTube started recommending me Big Lurch deep cuts during a Lil' Keke binge t'other day. If Rock from Heltah Skeltah had moved to Houston, developed a sherm addiction, and signed to Swisha House, he probably would've recorded On Da Run and Texas Boy.

South Park Mexican has his own VEVO page yet Big Lurch doesn't? Cannsphobia is really real in the field.

Obligatory annual post about some UK road-rap tune

Speakin' of properly mastered retail MP3s which make the Soundcloud rips we've been rockin' for months sound weaker than GZA's proverbial clock-radio speakers, J Hus' roadrapfrobeats anthem Lean & Bop is now available to cop at all your favourite digital outlets and the MP3 has all sorts of hitherto unheard low-end and high-end frequencies. Procure that shit here so we can get an IMAX-soundin' MP3 of Dem Boy Paigon next.


J Hus ft. DoccyDocs - Lean & Bop
(From Lean & Bop single; 2015)


Don't get it twisted, tho - it's still f**k Skepta's entire catalogue aside from Rolex Sweep around these parts.

Never been arrested for nuthin' domestic

J.Stalin X DJ Fresh in 2015? Still Positive K's third single when the stars realign to form the Ursa Mob&Bullshit constellation in the Northern California hemisphere.

J.Stalin ft. L'Jay - Bye Felicia
(From YouTube; 2015)



Lil' Debbie's come a long way from being Kreayshawn's geeky 4-eyed mate in the Gucci Gucci video, eh? Looks great in Air Jordan 1's, looks even better pointing a pistol in J.Stalin's face after she's just caught him cheating on her. Whatta mistaka ta maka!

"All you need is a gurl and a gun" - D.W. Stalin

Rap & Bullshit: conventional rap history narratives that are a load of bollox (part 2)

"Run-DMCs Sucker MC's made a whole generation of rappers irrelevant overnight!"


More oft-repeated poppycock. Firstly, rap had already splintered into a handful of sub-genres which existed symbiotically by 1983. Secondly, rather than making a whole generation of rappers irrelevant, Sucker MC's actually provoked the Furious Five and the Coldcrush Brothers into recording their best studio songs as groups: Step Off and Fresh, Fly, Wild, And Bold. Thirdly, old school guys like Melle Mel, Kool Moe Dee, and Spoonie Gee all had some of their biggest hits post-Sucker MC's: Step Off, Beat Street Breakdown, I Feel For You, How Ya Like Me Now, Wild Wild West, and The Godfather. Fourthly, this narrative conveniently discounts Whodini's place in the evolution of recorded rap.

This ain't to say that Sucker MC's wasn't a game changing record, but its impact has been exaggerated by generic music critics who like to glibly explain the pre-golden era of 80's rap with tidy generational shifts and grand Slay Thy Father gestures. Anyone caught propagating that horseshit should be forced to spend their afterlife reviewing Rev Run's appalling 2005 solo album Distortion for the rest of eternity. Raise Hell on that notion, suckers.

Hat tip to Hot Box

Runway Richy ft. Big Gipp - How You Feeling
(From ForeignMerican mixtape; 2015)



Miss me with your Big K.R.I.T comparisons; to moi, this shit sounds the Witchdoctor song I've been waitin' on him to release as the follow-up to his lost 2009 YouTube-only single Rich & Poor. It ain't gonna change the world, but it just made my world feel a whole lot happier on a wet monday morning. Silly cat, wore Sperry Topsiders in the rain.

Rap & Bullshit: conventional rap history narratives that are a load of bollox (part 1)

"The Message was the first socio-political rap song, man!"
Nowadays everyone wanna talk about Duke Bootee & Melle Mel's The Message like it was the first rap song with something meaningful to say, but nothin' comes out when y'all move your fingertips just a bunch of revisionist gibberish and motherfuckers act like they forgot about Kurtis Blow's Hard Times. To wit: Kurtis Blow made a song about the economic hardships of everyday life in 1980, Duke Bootee followed suit in 1982, albeit featuring a recycled Melle Mel verse from 1979. There's no debate, it happened.

Kurtis Blow - Hard Times
(From Kurtis Blow album; 1980)


The solution? Anyone caught persisting with the notion that rap was all fun & games until The Message dropped will be forced to read the collected Rap Radar posts of Brian "B-Dot" Miller every day for a year. Anyone who also persists on crediting The Message to Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five will be forced to subscribe to B-Dot's Twitter as extra penance.