Just 2 get a Depp

Here's the less exalted cut from the same EP Primo favourite Head Over Wheels came from. It isn't touching that exotic indie classic, but it does sound particularly great when listened to alongside Child Of The Ghetto and Gametime as a trilogy of sorts :

G-Depp - Blow More Spots
(That split Tape Kingz EP with DJ LS One & DJ Dummy; 1996)


Always thought that EP was G-Dep(p)'s debut release but just noticed Discogs now lists a 1995 12" on Tape Kingz which preceded it. The A. side Really Don't Wanna Stop is nowt particularly special but the B. side You Ain't Nobody Baby has yet to find its way to Youtube. Worth taking a punt on for £5 in case it's a lost Harlem gem inna Da Smoothness stylee or a waste of a fiver because it'll probably sound like some shitty Brainsick Mob track?

Reasons why I love Youtube # 19

King Louie premiers his latest dance The Val Venis. If the beat he's wildin-while-he's-Val-ing to becomes an official Val Venis song then, potentially, what we have right here is simultaneously the most important dance record since Mr Hit Dat Hoe and the best wrestling-themed jam since DDT (That Hoe) :


Thanks to the Drake for the alert. Ring the alarm, 2012's cooking dance is coming!

The 2012 Kreayshawn, V-Nasty and A$AP Rocky all rolled into one

Ladeez, gentlemenz, dread-head drillaz, cashed-out azns and lady hittaz - meet Katie Got Bandz :


Katie Got Bandz - I Need A Hitta
(From teh internet; 2011)


Katie's the 2012 Kreayshawn because she happens to be a visually interesting chick Rapper on the cusp of viral success, making I Need A Hitta her very own Bumpin' Bumpin'.

Katie's the 2012 V-Nasty because she's a hoodrat Rapper of some kind of AZN descent who drops N-bombs like she's auditioning for a cameo on Efil4zaggin.

Katie's the 2012 A$AP Rocky because her Rap career is being carefully cultivated by a power-blogger since she's currently dating David from So Many Shrimp/The Fader, although you didn't hear that gossip from me, aiight?

Hop onboard now before she becomes the talk of Tumblr and you can even get to comment on her resemblance to the Eskimo girlfriend of Kiwi backpack-blogger/hip hop message board firecracker Jaz for the ultimate in 'net Rap-nerd in-joke kudos:


Trying to work out whether this is a beatjack of some song by the likes of Tyga or Ace Hood, or whether Chi-Town's Katie really has somehow managed to secure herself a Luger beat?

An A-Mafia compilation 4 u

Last year I tried to tell you about how A-Mafia is the latest descendent in the classic Harlem thug henchman-Rapper lineage which includes AZie & Pretty Tone Capone from MobStyle, Bloodshed & C.O.C-era Herb McGruff, and Hell Rell circa Diplomatic Immunity Volume 1 but all y'all bloggers just continued writing think-pieces about A$AP Rocky and posting Smoke DZA remixes. I'm not bitter, though, because sometimes youze guys just need a helpin' hand in the right direction, so here's a belated Xmas present in the form of a 10 song compilation of the best chinchilla-Mafia songs from the past couple of years I've zipped up as an introduction to those of you still snoozin' on the only Uptown Rapper with blood on the bottom of his ACGs :


~ A-Mafia : Illmafic ~

1. Ted Dibiase
2. My Side Of The Story
3. 2050
4. Road To The Riches
5. Wayne Perry
6. I Believe I Can Fly
7. Shine On (with Charlie Clipz)
8. Foldin' $100 Billz
9. Real Live Pro remix (with JR Writer & 2 Chainz)
10. 1000 Grams
~~> DOWNLOAD HERE <~~
All of these are legit songs bar 2050 and Road To The Riches, but both are essential to the 2010/2011 A-Mafia oeuvre and more than manage to do justice to their original sources. It'd be disingenuous to try and convince you that Godzilla-Mafia is a major Dipset talent, but he does share a particular trait with Cam and Max in their respective primes by possessing the uncanny ability to sound great over any style of production, thus he's one of the few N.Y Rappers to comfortably navigate Luger and ersatz-Luger beats without sounding like the Rap version of Guy Coma. Tie a pair of red underpants around your head and take a bite of that chicken with us million dollar whiggaz who've been goin' O.T since we came outta the womb.

I don't believe you, bitch, 'til you kill sumthin'

"Nu$$ie gots ta go, Nu$$ie gots ta go
that boy actin' bad, he gonna ruin us fa sho"

Nu$$ie - Score 5-0
(From Bad Azz album; 2006)


We're all about equilibrium here at The Martorialist, and so if the Louisiana D.A are going to use Boosie's own lyrics against him during his trial for Nu$$ie's murder then can't his lawyers then employ various lines from Nu$$ie songs as evidence that Nu$$ie was pretty much begging to have himself murked and have Boosie cop out to a plea of assisted suicide rather than the current homicide charge?

Anybody have the Bad Azz CD? It's not listed at Amazon or Discogs, nor does it appear to have ever uploaded it to the 'net bar a couple of songs on Youtube. By Anybody I'm specifically referring to you, Blast.

You're dead to me, bruh-bruh

Husalah hanging out with white ppl backstage at a Theophilus London show = that moment the mystique is forever obliterated a la the video of Beanie flashing Come Hither eyes at Peedi as he whispered sweet nothings in his ear or the clip of a black-eyed Cam'Ron wearing Daisy Dukes in the tiny backyard of his bungalow in Miami.

Ayo David SMS

How come you haven't got a Danny Bonaduce in old Dr Dre videos-esque cameo in the long-awaited Too Cool video then, bruv?

King Louie - Too Cool
(From Chiraq Drillinois mixtape; 2011)


Truthfully, the video is a tad lacking in both T&A and Louie's dancing for my liking, but here's hoping it does the job and doesn't vanish from the web after a couple of days like the Work Something clip did. Bring that shit back, DGainz!

King Louis

It's come to my attention that there doesn't seem to be a single picture of the Pen & Pixel album cover Shawn Brauch cooked up for Louis Theroux on the internet currently, so thought I'd rectify the situation since I'm experiencing somewhat of a creative drought in regards to blogging at the moment :

"A cat loving gangsta is what you are!"

2012 : the year in which Blogspot users officially become as lazy as the denizens of Tumblr?

Wanted dead or alive # 11 : I'm A Shop Shutter

Heard a snippet of a Baton Rogue stomper called I'm A Shop Shutter by The Shop Shutters on one of Frankie Tha Lucky Dog's Louisiana Pit radio show videos from 2010 which I've become moderately obsessed with, but the only other trace I can find of it online is a 2009 review of the 2007 CD it comes from on Frankie's blog with a link to a website to buy it that's currently a shut shop.

Anybody have any info' about the The Beginning CD by Shop Shutters? There's another couple of snippets of I'm A Shop Shutter in this R.I.P Big Markee video Frankie put together which make me go Whoa Na because it sounds so awesome but then leave me all tearful like Waaaah-Waaaaah because I'll probably never hear it in its entirity :

The teams that meet in Maf'

"'Cause A get doe, supply bricks for more cheddar
they say I flow like Nas mixed with Cormega"
A-Mafia - Road To The Riches
(From Youtube; 2011)


Thought I'd rip this from Youtube because it only seems to exist on there currently other than some stupidly pitched-up version of it that appeared on a DJ Cash Crook mixtape last week and I utilised the most primitive Youtube-to-MP3 software on my computer to give it the crackly feel of some old Doo Wop mixtape freestyle. Not entirely sure about that lyric above, though, since A-Mafia released more great songs in 2011 than Nas has made in the 7+ years since 2004, right?

Peter Gunnz

It seems distinctly possible E-40 might be running low on beats given that he's dropping 3 albums in 1 day later this year with the Block Brochure trilogy, so here's a suggestion from ya boy who thought the title track of Cousin Fik's first 'tape was superior to anything on his more celebrated second 'tape last year - get busy over the electronic version of Peter Gunn from the 1983 Bally Midway arcade version of Spy Hunter :


I got luh for the Mancini original and the subsequent covers by Elvis, the Blues Brothers and Art Of Noise & Duane Eddy but Knuck if You Buck to all my fellow 70s babies raised in the 80s who consider the Spy Hunter version as the definitive take on Peter Gunn due to a childhood misspent in seaside towns stealing money from slot machines in order to fund their addiction to the O.G cockpit arcade game.

Droop-E sampling the obvious melody for an E-40 & B-Legit sex-jam by the name of Thigh Hunter would be cool 'n' all, but '40 is a virtuoso performer who possesses a flow so acrobatic he can tackle production the average Rapper would run a mile from and so him weaving some sort of epic D-Boy narrative storytelling track about car chases on packed freeways, backstreet blowjobs from 'hoodrats and shoot-outs in motel rooms for cocaine with semi-automatic pistols entitled Pie Hunter over the winding terrain of the full 5 minute 34 second of it here would be the ideal scenario.

Reasons why I love Youtube # 18

For the Video-Thunder homies - the very rare and secrete clip of former creepy child antiques expert-turned-Cherie Blair carbon-copy trannie Lauren "James" Harries performance of Dead Or Alive's You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) with a little help from its architect former 80s pop star-turned-UK-equivalent of Ru-Paul-meets-Mickey Rourke trannie Pete Burns on Big Brother's Bit On The Side late last year; the most surreal TV performance since Corey Feldman lip-synced What's Up With Youth on Howard Stern's old Channel 9 show in 1992 :


And for the Rap-nerd homies, in addition to my theory that Max B may have possibly pilfered his cackle from Mystikal, is it possible he also sneakily plagiarized his OWWW-ing from Pete Burns' revamped karaoke rendition of You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) on Celebrity Big Brother back in 2006 after his British man dem Tanna and the 031 UK Bloods accidentally sent him & French Montana a DVD of CBB4 highlights instead of the fabled footage of Juelz getting kidnapped and robbed in London?


SMH @ the only Rap song to interpolate You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) being by a hack like Flo Rida. Ma$e and Puffy circa '98 woulda/coulda/shoulda slayed that shit.

The grillz dat pay da billz

Blahzay Blahzay - Ice Grillz
(From Buzy Blahzay 12"; 2000)


I never had much time for either part of Danger, Pain I Feel, Blah Blah Blah, Good Cop Bad Cop or anything else from the Blahzay Blahzay LP in 1996, but this indie-era cut 12" on Fat Beats from four years later had me scrambling through the flotsam & jetsam who'd stand around in legendary defunct London record store Mr Bongo on a saturday afternoon getting in the way when I was trying to browse for old Beatnuts singles to get to the counter and ask what it was after hearing it there sometime around summer 2000.

The Blahzay lads do their thing ("when we war, your blood'll bubble when you bleed/n*ggas actin' funny when I'm with the momma of my seed"), but I'm sure even their nearest 'n' dearest would be willing to concede that P.F. Cuttin' is the star of the song with his spooky production giving the song a feel of narrow-eyed staredowns on the Brooklyn train and the scratched hook of that Busta line from his joint on the Madd Rapper album where D. Dot Rapped like a non-limp wristed Kweli being the soundtrack which always plays in my head when giving the evil-eye to teenagers in the cinema who are contemplating coming to sit near us on the back row. Shoo, back down a few tiers you fucking feral rubes.

P.F. Cuttin' must've really dug whatever the sample is on this because he reused it again 7 years later for the intro on Sean Price's Jesus Price Supastar album. P's the better rapper, but Ice Grillz goes way harder as a song.

The magic number : underappreciated 2011 Rap video moments

Officially the final 2011-themed post you'll be reading on here, but it's neccessary because I see too many bloggers looking down their noses at modern Rap videos when they surely can't even begin to appreciate certain songs in their full glory without being familiar with the facial expressions, mannerisms, hand gestures, outfits and milieu from them. Well, that and the unfortunate fact that I'm feeling existentially adrift at the moment and this is the best idea I can come up with for a post today.


Ayo Wooh Da Kid in the My G video, put your shirt on you fat fucking cun...er, I mean nice 6-pack there, dunn. You workin' out or just visitin' the same doctor as Darryn Lyons?


Lines about fellatio crop up in Louie's songs almost as frequently as the word kush and he even has his own Put It In Your Mouth of sorts with What That Mouth Do, so it makes perfect sense he'd pay homage to Degeneration X's SUCK IT! gesture in one of his videos. FYI : Louie's the HBK of this modern Rap shit and these other jobber Rappers all y'all bloggers are sweatin' are Road Dogg & Billy Gunn.


So, I was reading some snooty Noz proclamation that he "doesn't watch videos" and I was like man, how can you possibly get the most out of What's Happenin' if you don't even know that you're supposed to point to your temples when Lil' Phat says "get ya mind right" and you're unfamiliar with the Batman TV series-esque cartoon POW! font which pops on on screen when he goes on to say "chick-chick - BOW! Now you hearin' about the youngin"?

Martorial elegance # 58

TWIN TOWERS, STILL STANDIN'
NO FLY ZONE, PAPER PLANES AIN'T LANDIN'

As I type this very sentence a team of Turks are somewhere in a lock-up busily bootlegging these shirts with the Hulk Hogan 9/11 JPG on them. Hat tip to O'Eardley for finding this.

Young Mohamed Atta, no plane lessons
cocaine lessons to supply the towers
I had 40 crack and divide the towers
workin' hard to reprovide the towers

Rap - always the first artform to go there with tasteless references to atrocious acts of genocide.

Feels good, man

It's always a satisfying feeling when a certified jam you've written about that's been given the cold-shoulder by the rest of the Rap blogosphere receives a video, as proven by My Side Of The Story by A-Mafia last year :

Bitch...bitch...bitch...bitch...bitch...bitch
You deserve all six
No, I can't co-exist
Yeah, I know I ain't shit
Before I'd say "I do!" *I Don't*, I'd rather say "I quit!"
$tarlito ft. Tha Joker - Ho Problems
(From #UW: Separation Anxiety EP; 2011)


I think the reason why I feel such an affinity with 'Lito might have as much to do with him being so lithe and lanky that he appears to have major problems finding sweatshirts that are long enough in the body as his heavy-hearted music. I feel your pain, B - smalls are generally too short on some Baby GAP type shit, mediums tend to fit correct on the body but have Filipino Frank wide neck-holes and larges tend to be voluminous like DB Tha General's hoody in the Upgrade 'Em 2 in the King Of Oakland trilogy video. A depressing situation that has me feelin' like AZ in 1995 :

AZ ft. Amar Pep & Barsham - We Can't Win
(From Doe Or Die; 1995)


Always thought Anthony shoulda tried to snag Mobb Deep cameos for this cut about how Rudy Giuliani is a secrete shapeshifting reptilian pal of Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff instead of letting the track's producer and some dude we never heard of again who'd just discovered The X-Files Rap on it.

Slim Dunkin = officially the new 2pac

Just like 2pac supposedly prophesied his own death on the Makaveli album with a bunch of dates to do with the number 7 or sumfink, did Slim Dunkin eerily predict his own fate with this scene from the Twin Towers 2 (Intro) video back in august?


Youtube sez : actual facts is actual facts, kid :

Neo maxi zoom DB

As a free mixtape, DB Tha General's quality control on I Invented Gas is exercised far less stringently than for his exclusive iTunes/Amazon releases like The Young OG II and The King Of Oakland, but here's the 3 reasons why I'm glad the 'tape popped up today in my feed on this bleary opening afternoon of 2012 :

DB Tha General - 1 Million Bars
(From I Invented Gas mixtape; 2012)


1. We now have an MP3 of 1 Million Barz, possibly the only Rap song to accidentally namecheck a cast member of 'Allo 'Allo..

2. Originally set for release in late november, we now know that "I'm leaking this shit for y'all over the weekend" is Rap release code for "it'll finally appear online over a month later than scheduled on the first day of the new year, my dudes!"

3. Bitch Azz N*ggaz is the best throwback Mob music jam since '40 hit us with the triumvirate of Takin' 'Em Back, Mr Flamboyant 2K11 and My Money Straight last march :

DB Tha General - Bitch Azz N*ggaz
From I Invented Gas mixtape; 2012)