Jumpin' out a caravan, eyes like a Chinaman # 2

I've run out of theories about how Jackie Chain is America's first non-martial arts performing AZN role model and the new Spoonie Gee in terms of delivering a classic single on the dot every year, and at this point I've also pretty much exhausted all of my AZN jokes and stash of pictures of 2$hin posing with 'alf naked white women, so let's just face one glaringly obvious fact now that The Bruce Lean Chronicles is out and it contains Jackie's hardest joint ever in So Throwed : Jackie Chain has made more dope songs than Eric B. & Rakim, N.W.A or Biggie.

Jackie Chain - So Throwed
(From The Bruce Lean Chronicles mixtape; 2012)


RAP GAME ORIENTAL FAMILY IN NEIGHBOURS WHO WERE ACCUSED OF STEALING THE MARTIN FAMILY'S DOG AND THEN AXED FROM THE SHOW AFTER A MONTH BECAUSE AUSTRALIAN VIEWERS DIDN'T LIKE YELLOW PPL.

Reasons why I love Youtube # 30

Rap's 7th greatest duo of all time perform Been Around The World and Mo' Money, Mo' Problems to an oddly receptive saltine audience of soccer moms and bearded suburban dads on the Rosie O'Donnell show in 1997 before they sit down and present Rosie with a Puff Daddy varsity jacket and a Puff Daddy beanie :


Highlights include Puffy sneaking the "it's ridiculous how they put their lips on this/don't kiss right there, girlfriend, I'm ticklish" line from Been Around The World into such a wholesome TV broadcast, and Ma$on giving us two particularly graceful variations of his trademark move The Betha-Swirl :

Reese me with that Rap shit

Just as I'm beginning to despair over the continued positive reaction to Lil' Reese as one of the stars of the current Chicago movement, along comes a remedy in the form of Mic Terror's first good song of 2012. As ever, Mic truly excels when he's providing lessons in lewdness but Rodney King takes a different approach to his previously sample-based Sex-Rap jams and sees him tackling the sort of barely-there-like-Son-Doobie's-tiny-cock elasticated production that you'd usually expect to hear the NhT Boyz, one of DJ Mustard's customers or Travis Porter over instead :

Mic Terror - Rodney King
(From Mondays Are Terrible mixtape; 2012)


Nice to hear Mic audibly retch at the thought of wearing True Religion and then boast that his jeans aren't even POLO but RRL since bragging about being dipped in POLO just isn't that impressive any more if we're supposed to buy into the notion that Rappers are infinitely richer and cooler than the average schlub. How you finna stunt like you're Alpo in a shirt I could cop from some discount shopping outlet hellhole like Cheshire Oaks or Bicester Village, 2012 Rapper?

So, anyway, this is the part of the post specifically designed to infuriate David Drake because Rodney King is far more deserving of some blog luvin' than anything on that mediocre Lil' Reese mixtape. How did Chief Keef's Rapping back-up dancer/a modern day Big Scoob like Reese (with his cameo on I Don't Like as his On The Bugged Tip and Haters as his N*ggaz Can't Hang) even bag himself a Def Jam deal and a Gangsta Grillz mixtape in the first place?

Snort is now in session

How come Driz Driztofferson is the only blogga I've seen post that new Troy Ave cut when it's even better than Dirty Martini? From the flow to the hook to the beat to the sheer disgust for his fellow man, I Know Why You Mad is like an 80s baby's take on post-Columbia/pre-Aftermath Fiddy, and that's a far preferable retro aesthetic for N.Y Rap to tap into right now than Mike Zoot 2.0, Tumblr-Rap Horrorcore or streetwear-website funded 2012 Thirstin Howl III :

Troy Ave - I Know Why You Mad
(From Mick Boogie & HYPETRAK Represent The Stripes mixtape; 2012)


Three questions, though : what's that sample, why didn't that shitty Bricks In My Back Pack 3 mixtape sound like this, and what's up with Troy's camp AHA! ad lib where he sounds like a barefooted Mr Humphries accidentally standing on a thumbtack?

Summer madness

Question : what'd you get if you cross the analogy of chirpsin' other dude's birds being just like basketball with a beat that sounds like what would've happened if Zaytoven had been hired to score the Tron remake? Answer : my definitive Pop-Rap jam of this summer, that's what!

Travis Porter - Ballin'
From From Day 1 album; 2012)


In a perfect world this would be as big as Hot In Herre was in 2002, alas RCA haven't even bothered to release it as a single yet even though it's a legitimate 10/10 smash. What did our generation ever do to deserve the tampon commercial/date rapist/bloated superstar posse track/Big Sean cameo Pop-Rap landscape of the past three years?

Friday the 27th

Post-Traumatic Stress is out in full, yet I still can't get past Track 1 even though DGB posted it as a loosie a couple of days back now.

$tarlito - Track 1
(From Post-Traumatic Stress EP; 2012)


Actually, that's a total fib since there's a Mike Will produced cut on there called Nerve Damage that I'm all over like Tumblr-reblogs of terrible Flatbush Zombie songs and I just wanted to post Track 1 here because that beat has reminded me that I need to hear someone Rap over Fred Mollin's intro music from the Friday The 13th TV series already. Here's the original intro with the Uncle Lewis scenes and voice over explaining the show's premise which was removed from the DVD boxset/all subsequent reruns of the show for some daft unfathomable reason :

Reasons why I love Youtube # 29

Pete Nice & MC Serch explain The White Rapper's Burden to a sockless Arsenio before DJ Richie Rich juggles the living shit out of Brother Marquis' "sittin' at home watchin' Arsenio Hall" line from the clean version of 2 Live Crew's Me So Horny and the three of them launch into The Gas Face with a helping hand from some bloke in a horrific matching paisley shirt and bandana :


Serch was kinda riding the proto-Jacamo advert wave back in those days, but for a fat lad he couldn't half keep pace with their back-up dancers. Talkin' of flabby fellas from Queens, is Midget Cough Action Bronson's best solo song of the year so far or wot?

"Shoot eagles on the Jack Nicklaus course
Porsche with the triple exhaust, seats soft like a midget's cough"

Action Bronson - Midget Cough
(From the innanetz; 2012)


What's up with dude Rapping about being an ostentatious don in satin when he appears to be styling his wardrobe after the fat Mexican one from Fear Factory nowadays, though?

Rap Game Mollie Sugden

J. Stalin - The Molly Song
(From Memoirs Of A Curb Server album; 2012)


I don't know why why America had to be all fancy and rechristen the drug that the rest of the planet calls Mandy as Molly, but I'm hoping I can use The Molly Song by J. Stalin to convince a certain someone I know that MCAT is just MDMA for paupers. You Yanks have no idea how lucky you are that Mephedrone has yet to become the drug du jour in the good ol' U.S.A because they're isn't a more pungent stench/taste than a vagina sweating it out on a humid sunday morning.

Speakin' of Rappers I first heard on Never Blink, I'm all up on that real chill Dubb 20 joint with Husalah from Jacka's new weed carrier's compilation thingymebob right about now. Husalah using the word Twerp will never cease to be funny, but I'll be damned if Dubb 20 doesn't quietly kill this track on some 1992 TV movie about the plague starring Kate Jackson type shit :

"Them verses on Jack's shit got a n*gga buzzin'
n*ggas be lyin' tellin' bitches they my cousin"

Dubb 20 & Husalah - Been A While
(From The Jacka Presents The A.R Street Album ; 2012)